A Very Silly Thing I Am Angsting Over

Through a combination of targeted approaches over the past six months, I feel like I have effectively reduced my overall anxiety level. I notice some anxieties no longer really bother me at all – they only linger in expectation form, like a phantom anxiety that I expect to bubble up but never does. (Perhaps this is a brand NEW anxiety, although it doesn’t ACT like anxiety.) 

Other anxieties remain. I think it is impossible to live a life 100% free from anxiety; even the most laid-back people in my life, after all, have their Things. But sometimes the things I stress about are so SILLY, worrying about them seems completely inexplicable… and yet I cannot stop bumping up against them, like a ring I twist unconsciously on my finger or a mosquito bite I can’t help but scratch. 

I am going to share the current mosquito bite with you, in hopes that a) putting it into words acts as a sort of soothing salve and b) I am not the only person who angsts over things that are ridiculous yet nonetheless persistently irritating. Please. Please. Tell me all the ridiculous things that keep you awake at night.

A bunch of my loved ones are gathering to celebrate A Momentous Occasion and I cannot join them. Out of some sort of mishmash of FOMO and Wanting To Show I Care, I suggested to the host that maybe I could supply breakfast for one morning when everyone is together. 

The host responded with positivity and gratitude. Yes, my overture would be welcome and appreciated.

Almost immediately, I regretted giving in to this generous impulse. Because I am NOT GOOD AT THIS KIND OF THING. This is a task that requires phone calls and guessing what other people might want in terms of quantity and flavor. This is a task that requires, possibly, using DoorDash or UberEats or one of the many food delivery services I have never once used in my life. This is a task that requires evaluating, based on online information, whether a caterer/restaurant/café is going to provide good food and good value. 

The Occasion is taking place in a state I have never visited. Everyone is staying in an Air BnB together. It seemed, in my head, like it would be fairly easy to order donuts or bagels or breakfast sandwiches for everyone to be delivered to the house. But I was wrong! 

My first thought was to use Goldbelly to order something. I’ve used Goldbelly for various food gifts in the past, and it always seems to work out. (Unless my parents and sibling are shielding me from the awful truth…) But a) I couldn’t find what I wanted for under $250, which was more than I intended to spend, and b) my husband thought I was a huge weirdo for choosing that option when I could just order from someplace local. 

Oh. Okay. Right. 

So I researched some local places. Is it reasonable to put all my faith in online reviews and personal reaction to company websites???? Reasonable or not, that is where I put my faith. 

The first place I called took a message and never returned my call. When I called back, they said they were in the middle of a busy period and could I call back later. The second place I called rang and rang and rang. The third place I called was an on-site caterer, and they apparently only cater to their specific site. The first place, which I called a third time, once again took my information and never called me back. 

I decided I would order from Panera, which has a simple online order form and would deliver the food for me. And also, Panera isn’t, like, special or anything, but it’s decent. However, I mentioned this plan to someone whose opinion I trust. The response was an instantaneous and very firm, “Don’t do that,” and a quick google search to locate a fourth place (well, fifth, if you count Panera, which I am not counting so I’m not sure why I’m typing this parenthetical) for me to call. 

If I could have had this friend call the fourth place for me and place the order, I would have. I was Done, Dee Oh En Ee, with this task, except I wasn’t because the only thing worse than calling yet another breakfast place was telling the host I was reneging on my offer. Don’t think I didn’t strongly consider it. 

The fourth place answered the phone! They could put together a breakfast that sounded good! And they could deliver! They quoted me a price, although they “didn’t have the price sheet in front of them, so they were just estimating” and I said let’s do this. 

I emailed the host of The Occasion and let her know what I was planning, and confirmed the correct date and time and location. She responded with a thumbs up. (Not a literal or emojical thumbs-up, but with an affirmation that I was doing something that worked with her plans.)  

It seems to me that Other People have no problem with tasks like this. Either they would call Panera from the get-go, or they would quickly and easily find the exact perfect place to order breakfast from and order breakfast from that place, or they would tell the host “sorry, it’s not working out, can I contribute another way,” or they wouldn’t offer to provide breakfast in the first place, like a chump. So part of the anxiety stems from feeling like I am making a big messy ordeal out of something that should be SIMPLE and STRAIGHTFORWARD. And the other part of the anxiety stems from fear that I am going to fuck it up somehow. 

Today, the fourth place called me and took my credit card information. The price they charged me was quite a bit higher than the quote, but at that point, what could I do? I was already locked in. The date of The Occasion is too near to go back to the drawing board, and I am too worn out from calling all these places and thinking about this for WEEKS to contemplate doing anything else. 

And now I am waiting, very anxiously, hoping that the delivery goes as planned, and the food I ordered is good, and that I ordered ENOUGH FOOD, I am not even going to TELL YOU how much I ordered or for how many people because I am so stressed about it and so worried you will say OMG SUZANNE THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH/TOO LITTLE FOOD.

I even texted a family member who will be in attendance at this Occasion, and let her know that I’d placed the order and it was all set to be delivered at a specific time and directed to the host… even though this family member did not ask for this information, or volunteer to help in any way, and I do not want to make her feel like it’s now, somehow, HER responsibility. 

Also: let me be clear. I fully realize this is not about me. The Occasion is… A Momentous Occasion for my loved one, and there is a whole big to-do going on that has nothing to do with my measly breakfast contribution, and a crappy breakfast is not going to make or break an entire long weekend of celebrating. I GET THIS. My brain understands. But my body is not on board! It is all riled up. The My Breakfast Contribution aspect of The Occasion is all I can think about! What if the food is terrible? What if it feeds only half of the guests? What if everyone gets food poisoning?! (Food poisoning could break a weekend, I suppose.) Why am I worrying about such a small slice of the overall pie of The Occasion? WHY?????? Whatever it is, it will be a blip at most. (Unless food poisoning.) (Please, God, let there be no food poisoning.)

My husband says, “It’s the thought that counts.” And. Well. Sort of? But also… I don’t want to be The Person Who Sent Shitty Breakfast (or diarrhea, which is an entirely different kind of shitty breakfast).

I should have just kept my dumb mouth shut! I should never have offered to do anything! I should have simply offered to send cash to help fund An Event! 

This is the kind of thing that is itching and ITCHING and I cannot scratch it. I want to moan about it to my husband. I want to text about it to my friends. I want to call the host of The Occasion and triple check that I got all the details right and get her to tell me that it won’t even matter if it’s crap because everyone will be drunk on mimosas, or have her tell me that a third of the guests suddenly can’t make it, or have her assure me that there’s tons of other food in the house just in case I didn’t order the right amount (HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT AMOUNT TO ORDER OMG). I want to call my family member who will be on site and ask her to text me photos. I want to FLY TO THE STATE AND BE AT THE OCCASION AND HANDLE THE WHOLE THING IN PERSON OMG.

At least The Occasion will be over soon and I will no longer be troubled by the possibilities; I will know the outcome (because you know I am going to pester my family member until I get a report), and hopefully the reaction will fall somewhere in the range of “meh, that was okay” to “well, that was a pleasant little breakfast spread!” 

At the very least, I hope no one thinks, “Wow, we should have just gone to Panera.”

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Insecurity

I am having an attack of insecurity. There are (currently) four things I can blame, I think: 1. My husband is on call, and when he is on call we spend less time together and I feel ignored and needy. 2. My primary client, for the first time ever, returned a project to me and asked me to redo it. Not minor edits, but a complete redo because I had so completely missed the mark. 3. I have been ordering cute bikinis from amazon because the summery weather (which has since retreated) has me dreaming of time by the pool, and NOT A ONE has looked remotely reasonable on me and only emphasizes the weird shape of my hips and thighs. 4. My poor kid is homesick for our old house and cannot fall asleep (it is currently 1:11 in the morning egads) and I cannot help her feel better (which I know isn’t always the goal! she should feel her feelings!) or help her fall asleep.

To sum up: I am unlovable, my work performance sucks, I look terrible in a bathing suit and probably in all clothing, and I am a terrible mother.

Should I perhaps be focusing on the fact that my husband is lovely and warm and attentive 6/7 of the time, and that he is not ignoring me but is instead focusing all his energy on the very difficult work of keeping dangerously sick people alive? Should I perhaps be remembering that this client mostly asks for very small edits, if any, and also it seems statistically improbable that I would write exactly what they want every single time and also one miss does not negate all the hits, nor does it preclude me from writing well in the future? Should I perhaps stop pressing my finger into the tender bruise of body imperfection when I have a perfectly good, rear-end covering skirted suit already? Should I perhaps recall the many, many nights when I was a child that I cried myself to sleep over something or other and the many, many nights as a child and an adult when I couldn’t sleep and how none of those nights had anything to do with my parents or their parenting ability?

Should does not equal AM DOING, let me tell you that.  

Insecurity can REALLY spiral if I let it get going, so I have been reading articles titled “Top Ten Things Therapists Recommend You Do When You’re Feeling Insecure!” and “How to Conquer Feelings of Insecurity.” The thing is that I know how to stop feeling insecure. I mean, I am aware of the techniques. But most of them are long-term kinds of things (replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk; focus on your strengths; talk to a therapist) and I am working on those things, but I want a quick fix. Is there a quick fix for feeling insecure?

What I really want is to say something negative about myself and have someone refute it with convincing evidence backed by reliable sources. My husband is not good at providing reassurance of this type; he is impatient with insecurity and seems to operate under the belief that there is no need to tell a person something that they should already know about themselves. (I also worry that, if I am too insecure around him, he will stop wanting to be married to me how’s THAT for insecurity catastrophizing, hmmm?????)

Reassurance is best sought from friends, I find. But it’s too late to call or text any of my analog-world friends, so I am writing to you. This makes it sound like I am demanding compliments, which I am not because that would be embarrassing and stupid. (Also, you aren’t married to me, you don’t know my work writing and you don’t know what I look like in a bikini, so, lovely and brilliant as you are, you cannot possibly make an honest evaluation of any of those things.) What I’m hoping for, I guess, is commiseration and solidarity. I would also accept The Key to Real Confidence, if you have it.

Do you ever feel insecure? If so, what do you do when you feel that way? My negative self-talk is so loud right now, even my strategies for combatting it (talking out loud to myself; pretending my concerns belong to my best friend and saying to myself what I would say to her; referring to myself as honey and acknowledging that my feelings are valid) are inaudible over the din. 

Gah. Being a person is so stupid and exhausting sometimes.

Well, I suppose the next best thing to writing a blog post about it is going to sleep. Sleep helps most things. 

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More Angsting about Playdates

Here I am, all easy breezy, having scheduled TWO spring break playdates like it ain’t no thing. When it turns out I am not done stressing about playdates, not even a little bit. Here are some of my specific (and let’s face it, pretty deranged) worries:

Being Too Lax or, Conversely, Too Strict: We have house rules, and I think it’s reasonable that kids who visit our house should abide by those rules, just as I’d expect Carla to abide by the rules of any house she visits. But when people who aren’t my family are in my house, I start to second guess our rules. Is it weirdly fastidious to ask that people take off their shoes? Am I helicoptering if I tell the friend that there’s no dropping things/throwing things/jumping from the balcony? Am I being a psychopathic germaphobe/germaphobic psychopath if I expect kids to wash their hands when they come into the house (which is what every member of my immediate family does upon entering our home, every time)? I don’t want kids playing in my bedroom or my office, I don’t want kids jumping or standing on the furniture, we don’t eat anywhere besides the kitchen. These things feel reasonable in my day-to-day life, but when I collect all these rules into a tidy bunch to present to another person, they feel like A Lot. And how do you convey your expectations? I don’t want to be condescending or overly rigid by announcing a thousand rules up front, but I also don’t want a kid to “break” a rule she doesn’t know and then feel like she’s being scolded for it. And also, what about rules that you feel like you shouldn’t have to say out loud, and also are hard to anticipate because they seem so obvious, like “don’t throw food” or “don’t paint on things using the carpet as a dropcloth”? 

Logistics: We now live out of town, and I realize that it’s not super easy to get here. One recent playdate, we brought the kid home with us from school and then drove her home. Another recent playdate, I picked the kid up from her house, her parent came and got her from mine. I think I have established logistics upfront for one of our two already-scheduled playdates – we are going to be in the area of the kid’s house, so when we arranged the day, I said we would pick her up and suggested that her parent come and get her after the playdate is over. But the other kid lives QUITE far away. We can drop her off, and I already let her parent know that… but we haven’t figured out the details of how the kid is getting to my house… I really don’t want to offer to go get her, because it will be a long drive and we are already going to drop her off. But… is it fair to ask her parents to endure the long drive to bring her here? I could suggest we meet somewhere in the middle, I guess. Is that weird?

Duration: When Carla was little, playdates were pretty typically two or three hours long. These days, they seem to last a bit longer, which is fine… but how long is too long? Are they going to hate each other if they spend more than three hours together? And what about sleepovers, which are necessarily much longer? Carla has had ONE sleepover, and when her mom asked what time she should pick her up, and I suggested eleven the next morning, the mom expressed surprise. “Let me know if I should come earlier,” she said ominously, as though the kids would be at each other’s throats. (Eleven worked out fine, but that feels like beginner’s luck????) At this age, is a meal always involved? For instance, I think our playdates are beginning after lunch… but does that mean I need to prepare dinner? (I am already prepared to prepare dinner, I am just wondering if that’s normal or if I’m overthinking the whole thing.) (Hahahahaha, ME?!?!, overthink anything?!?!?!)

Reciprocity Signals: Carla doesn’t get invited to a whole lot of playdates. I don’t think she’s been to a single one this year. Yet she and her friends seem to PLAN a lot of playdates at school. And everyone we’ve invited for a playdate at our house has said yes. So… is this just a case of the other families are busy and/or hate playdates even more than I do and/or they just haven’t gotten around to it and/or they have multiple children so fitting playdates in and among the thousand extracurricular activities they must be juggling is simply impossible? Or am I missing a subtle signal that Carla is not welcome at their homes or not well liked by other kids or or or?????

My mom reminds me that when I was a kid, NONE OF THIS was an issue. She said the word “playdate” was not even part of our vocabulary. I would just say, “Can So-and-So come over?” and that was that. We’d come over and entertain ourselves. But… how? I am guessing – hoping – some of this stress comes from lack of practice. In any event, the ball is already picking up speed as it bumbles down the hill.

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Five for Friday

It’s Friday and I am posting this on Friday, March 15; you may not see this until June for all Feedly cares, but I don’t think I have any control over that. This is kind of a cranky way to begin a blog post, so, as I say to Carla: Let’s try that again.

It’s Friday! I am coming off a night of broken sleep (child coming in at three, returning to bed around four, husband waking up for the day at five thirty), so let’s have some Friday bullets. 

1. Are you as steeped in the Kate Middleton drama as I am? If you have no idea what I’m talking about, a) bless you and b) here is a really thorough explainer. If you are In It, I highly recommend finding a friend who is similarly obsessed so you can text her memes and links to conspiracy theories at all hours of the day. My personal opinion is that Kate is recovering from surgery, probably doesn’t look or feel her best, and just wants to recover in private until Easter as previously planned and communicated by the Palace. BUT, simmering in that dark gross part of me that enjoys drama, especially when it feels very removed from my own boring non-royal life, I am kind of hoping that someone is pregnant with someone’s love child.

2. What kind of snacks do you keep stocked in your house? I ask because we have become friendly with our new neighbors and they invite us over all the time for all manner of things. While I am a little intimidated by reciprocating with A Real Meal (they are incredible cooks and bakers, and every time we’ve been invited to their house the food has been astonishing in both quantity and quality), I am ostensibly fine with having them over for drinks and snacks. The other day, the kids went sledding and we had them over for impromptu cocoa. Luckily, we had cocoa mix in the pantry, and even more luckily the mix had tiny marshmallows, and even more luckily, we had an unopened bottle of spray whipped cream because one of the neighbor kids informed me that he really likes whipped cream on his cocoa in a tone so grave I understood him to mean that something dire would happen if no whipped cream appeared. But then there are all these kids and their parent in my house and I realized I DON’T HAVE ANY SNACKS. It’s not that I don’t enjoy snacks; it’s that I enjoy them too much. We managed to scrape together some muffins I had in the freezer and some individual bags of chips and veggie straws that we had leftover from some party or other, so no one starved. But it made me feel like I need to have at least some snacks on hand. But what?!? I’m not crazy about having a bunch of cookies around, because they either go uneaten or get devoured in two seconds. If we have chips, I will eat the chips. Cheese and crackers aren’t big among the elementary school set, and it’s not like I can have an emergency brie on hand for last minute guests (or can I?). Fresh fruits and veggies, yes, great, and I try to have those around as much as possible, but we don’t eat enough of them to have a ready supply in the fridge at all times. Occasionally I panic buy a bag of clementines, but at least a third of them inevitably go bad before we can eat them. So: shelf stable snacks that appeal to kids and adults but are not so appealing that my family will eat them before we have guests. Is this a thing? 

3. In vanity news, I have been Influenced to buy several things lately. I really like this very inexpensive multi-use highlighter stick. Of course I cannot find the video that originally persuaded me that this was an essential tool in my (non-existent) makeup game, but I like dabbing it on the inner and outer aspects of my eyes and swiping it below my eyebrows for a little bit of lively glow. Totally worth $2.94. The other thing I’ve already tried enough times to recommend it is this bronzing mousse. The weather is edging ever closer to summer, and I don’t want to scare the new neighbors with my fish-belly legs, so I’ve been practicing in the hope that I can add a little lifelike color to my skin before I appear in public in running shorts. I am always on a quest for the perfect fake tan, and this is the closest I’ve gotten. The things I like best about it are: a) It’s dark when it goes on, so you can SEE where you are applying it, and you can also see if you are introducing streaks to your thighs or stomach before the streaks have become one with your skin. b) While it has a scent, as all tanning products inevitably do, it strikes me as much fainter and less objectionable than any other tanning product I’ve ever used. c) The resulting tan is darker than my normal skin tone, but not so dark that it screams FAKE TAN. (I use this tanning mitt to apply it to my body which works really well and helps prevent streaking.) Once again, I have no idea which account suggested this tanning mousse, but I am a fan.

4. One of my current parenting goals is to provide more opportunities for Carla to spend time with her friends. I think I’ve mentioned before that I hate playdates. They fill me with anxiety, because they are both forced social time – sometimes with parents I don’t know well – and because I have no idea how to deal with more than just my one child. For better or for worse, that’s just how I am, and so we haven’t had a ton of playdates. But now that Carla is older, playdates presumably no longer require that social element AND the kids are old enough that I can give them a lot more independence. I used to agonize over how I was going to entertain two whole children, and so I’d gravitate toward things in my comfort zone, like baking projects or crafts. Unfortunately, those things require a lot of prep and supervision and clean up, so they aren’t relaxing or easy. But now I can pretty much let the kids go off and play together. Sometimes we all take a walk outside, and I’m always happy to take a walk, even if the kids ask me to pretend I’m not with them.

Even though playdates are, in many ways, easier now, I still of course have anxiety about them. I find myself fretting about planning An Activity, just in case. I find myself worrying about what happens if the kids get into a fight or misbehave or want food (it always comes back to snacks!) or want to be on screens the whole time.

This is so silly! When I was a kid, I don’t think my friends and I EVER had An Activity. We just went and played Barbies or roller skated in my basement or played school or ran around outside or played house. I can’t even imagine asking my mom or a friend’s mom for ideas. And snacks were not provided by the parent! We scrounged up our own snacks, and I don’t even remember a parent being present for any snacking. In fact, part of the fun of going to someone’s house was checking out their snacks. (Not as fun: eating any sort of meal at a friend’s house, because they had different foods than I was used to and different rules. THAT filled me with anxiety.) I loved my friend J’s house because they had an entire drawer full of candy, and you could just… eat candy when you wanted to! J, notably, was pretty uninterested in the candy. I loved my friend R’s house because her garage freezer was STOCKED with popsicles. At my house, we always had little bags of chips or Zingers in the pantry and Dilly Bars in the freezer and pickles in the fridge. (R and I used to each eat a pickle when we were at my house.) So I am guessing that kids DON’T CARE either what they do or what they eat at playdates. They will figure it out. And yet. We have two playdates on the schedule in the next few weeks and I am already stressing about it. I am planning to be Mean Mom and put a ban on screens, but beyond that… I don’t know what to do or what not to do. Wow, I wish I could chill out about this. 

5. You know something that always feels like magic to me, even though it’s science? Topology. Various algorithms keep serving me videos of topological experiments – because I keep watching them when they appear in my feed – and my mind cannot grasp the mathematics/physics. My dad taught Carla how to make a mobius strip and even seeing him create it with my own eyes doesn’t help me understand how or why it works. It’s witchcraft.

What are you up to this weekend, internet? And, more importantly, what kind of snacks will you be eating?

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Six on a Saturday

Boring But Hopeful Health Updates. I am going to say this very quietly, lest I jinx it: but I think that I can eat yogurt again? I have been avoiding dairy since May (which is not the same as giving it up; I still put half and half in my tea, I eat occasional sour cream and occasionally throw a dollop of yogurt onto stir fries and have had the occasional scoop of ice cream) after my acupuncturist suggested it might be negatively impacting my skin. My dermatologist was receptive to this idea and thought, based on some semi-related studies he’d read, that it could be exacerbating my rosacea. Based on some very non-scientific experimentation, it SEEMED true. There was a week when I ate white bean enchilada soup every day for lunch and my skin freaked out, for instance. And there is milk and yogurt in that soup (it is a fantastic soup), so I blamed the dairy. When I avoid dairy, I am mostly okay. I do also have to use a special face wash, though, so maybe that’s what’s keeping the bulk of the rosacea at bay. My family and I went on a weekend getaway recently and I decided to throw caution to the wind and eat some yogurt for breakfast every day. Nothing happened, skin wise. So when we got home from our mini-vacay, I continued to buy and eat yogurt. I have been doing it for several weeks now and things seem stable??? I am so hopeful about this, because I LOVE yogurt. It is delicious but it is also such a fantastic source of protein, especially since I dislike eggs. 

My usual breakfast of late: SmartLite bread with almond butter and honey, yogurt, and tea.

Now I am whispering so softly my voice is but a rustle: my plantar fasciitis seems like it is under control??? I don’t know what happened or when, but my feet just feel… better??? I am continuing to wear shoes in the house and I do calf stretches every night before bed but… I haven’t been to the acupuncturist in two months and I don’t feel like I need to make another appointment.

Puzzling Gynecological Visit. While we’re on the topic of health, why not discuss my recent visit to the gyn? I did promise Ally some speculum content, but I am immediately going to break that promise because there was no speculum involved. This wasn’t the puzzling part; current gynecological guidelines recommend that most people with a uterus have a pap test every 3 years as part of a screening for cervical cancer, and I’m not due for a pap until next year. However, I was there for my yearly reproductive parts exam. In years past, this has included a pelvic exam, a breast exam, and a discussion of my health concerns. This year, the nurse got me situated in a room and asked if I would be okay having a resident take part in the exam. 

The resident was lovely. Great bedside manner, seemed very knowledgeable about my questions (which were specific to breast cancer and perimenopause). She asked if I needed any prescriptions renewed (yes) and whether I wanted her to order a mammogram for me (yes). But then she finished the talking portion of the visit and said that the exam was optional. What????? OPTIONAL? I didn’t know what to do with that information! Listen, I think we’d be hard pressed to find anyone who ENJOYS a pelvic or breast exam. They are invasive and embarrassing and uncomfortable. But… the exam is the purpose of the annual gynecological well visit! If I just wanted a refill of birth control pills, I could simply call that in! I came to the office specifically so that the doctor could poke and prod my bits and tell me if anything was wrong! 

What I should have said was, “Of course I want an exam, that’s why I’m here.” But I got flustered when the resident gave me the option. Part of me, I think, was a little embarrassed to ask that she examine me. Which is dumb, because that is her job, and, again, WHY I WAS THERE, but I still felt like it was weird to request it, if it was optional. So I said, “Well, what do you recommend?” And instead of saying, “I recommend you get your reproductive parts examined” she said, “It’s up to you.” WHAT?! That is not a recommendation. We hemmed and hawed a little bit, and finally I said something like, “Well, I came here prepared for a physical exam, so I might as well do it.” But the whole thing was weird and awkward. 

And also: WHAT THE HELL? A) Why is the physical exam suddenly optional? And B) What is the point of the annual gynecological exam if there is no exam? The whole experience was baffling. 

Speaking of Perimenopause. A ridiculous spate of hot flashes has had me in a bit of a fret about whether I am beginning perimenopause. Doesn’t seem likely, considering my family history, but who really knows, right? There is a fine line between The Normal Joys of Having a Female Reproductive System and going through The Change. The gynecological resident reassured me, if a little dismissively, that I am too young for perimenopause and then moving along to other topics. Maybe so (although I am 42, so it’s not wildly out of the realm of possibility), but it’s something I want to prepare myself for, so I’m thinking about it now. I am listening to Hot and Bothered: What No One Tells You About Menopause (and How to Feel Like Yourself Again) by Jancee Dunn so it’s top of mind. The book is engagingly written – I like Dunn’s energetic voice and humorous/informative writing style. It seems like she did her research, and there are tons of practical tips for how to address various symptoms of menopause. But the book makes me so uncomfortable! In some cases, the physical discomfort is so severe that I find myself squirming in my car. Dunn is careful to interject, not infrequently, that not every person will experience every symptom, that a lot of people go through menopause with nary a hot flash. But this book covers the whole spectrum of menopause issues, so the whole thing feels REALLY OMINOUS. Yikes.  

Nature Is Healing. This is probably something I should say very quietly, as well, lest I scare it away, but it seems like sriracha is gradually making its way back into the world. Sriracha – specifically Huy Fong sriracha – is my favorite of all condiments. It would be one of my desert island foods, for SURE. I love it so very much. So I have been keeping an eye out for it in the years since its production has dwindled and have built myself a little stockpile. (There was a moment when I got down to one bottle and tried a bunch of alternatives to see if there was something else I could live with. No, there isn’t. So I have gradually replenished my stores.) I’ve almost always been able to get it on Amazon, although there were a few months this past spring when it was unavailable except for ridiculous prices. (Will I pay $17 per 14-ounce bottle? Yes, it turns out, I will, but that’s pretty much my limit.) But then I noticed it was readily available in Asian grocery stores. I made myself a deal that if I saw sriracha on the shelves, I would buy one bottle. That didn’t seem excessive. When I saw sriracha at Wegman’s recently, I bought a bottle. THEN I saw it at Target and bought another bottle. But this week, even my local grocery store had a small supply of sriracha! I did not buy a bottle; hopefully that won’t prove to be a mistake. Anyway. I am really cautiously optimistic about sriracha being BACK because I love it so much. 

I may have a wee bit of an addiction.

Wedding Gift Ideas? My hair stylist just got engaged. We have talked about her wedding for almost the entirety of my past two hair appointments. To be clear, I LOVE talking about weddings and wedding planning and enjoyed this line of conversation THOROUGHLY. Am I hoping that she has a baby immediately after she gets married, so we can talk about pregnancy and then babies and then parenting?! YES, with all my heart. She’s always a delight to talk to, but I much prefer this stuff to the usual “what are you doing this weekend, what kind of travel is coming up this year, what are you watching” kind of chitchat, which is pleasant but requires a lot of effort and doesn’t fuel my soul like wedding and baby talk. 

I have distracted myself. She is getting married and I want to buy her a wedding present. However. While I have a very well-developed generous impulse, I have a more well-developed gift giving anxiety that makes the whole thing gift giving process more complicated than it should be. I have several months to fret over and prepare for and acquire this gift but it would be really nice if I had A Real Idea instead of considering and discarding ideas for months and never buying anything and throwing some cash at her at the last minute. Maybe cash is the best gift! But a) I get the strong impression that her fiancé is loaded so she wants for nothing and b) she has been my hair stylist for several years now and I like her immensely and I would love to get her something more personal. Do I… ask her if she’s registered somewhere? I kind of think no, considering she and her spouse-to-be are established adults and live in a fully stocked house… but maybe? She likes alcohol, music (although her taste in music is very specific), travel, cats, Christmas, football. Maybe I could get her something she could take on her honeymoon? (Which will be to a tropical island type place.) But what would that be? I will see her again at least once before she gets married, so I could presumably ask her pointed questions to dig up additional information.  

HALP.

Persistent Grey. After our bout of snow and cold, we have now returned to abnormally warm temperatures and the persistent grey that weighs so heavily on my soul in the winter time. Yuck. For a few days, the grey seemed intent on inserting itself as forcefully into our lives as possible by way of fog. Fog is eerie and beautiful. But I am so ready to say goodbye to January and get on toward spring. February is my favorite month because it goes so quickly and then it’s practically spring and we can look forward to longer days and blooming flowers and BLUE SKIES. 

My poor photography skills don’t adequately capture how much it felt like being in an (the) Emily Bronte novel.

What’s on your mind this weekend?

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Dinners This Week + Other Food Topics

It is a beautiful frosty Monday with honest-to-goodness SUNSHINE and my house is empty of painters and even though my to-do list is full of things I am deeply resistant to doing, and even though the house is still full of boxes, I am feeling sincerely cheerful for the first time in a LONG time. 

I cut the last of the dahlias yesterday and am hoping that the buds somehow blossom in my vase.

They really LOOK like the last of the dahlias. Whew. Scrappy.

Here’s the (tentative, always open to last minute changes) dinner plan for this week.

Dinners for the Week of October 23-29

• Cauliflower and Chickpea Enchiladas: This sounds yummy and different. I will probably use store-bought enchilada sauce instead of making my own. 

• Massaman Curry with Chicken: My husband and I bought a little tub of Massaman curry paste when we went on our Asian grocery store date. This week seems like a good time to give it a try. This recipe calls for carrots, though, and I am going to skip them. 

• Mulligatawny Soup: Soup weather, baby! 

• Sheet Pan Kielbasa with Green Beans: This is a meal I have never made before. But Carla tried a piece of sausage at Costco a couple of weeks ago and actually liked it, so I bought some for us to eat and… now I have to make it. I will admit to not being a huge fan of sausage, although it was a semi-regular feature of meals when I was a kid. And I can eat it without wanting to die. Plus I have some green beans waiting to be used. 

In other food topics, am also in the mood for pumpkin bread, completely out of nowhere (I don’t really like pumpkin), so I am going to make some. Maybe I will also make a batch of pumpkin cheesecake bread as well. 

Too bad pumpkin bread doesn’t count as an appetizer. My family has been invited to a new neighbor’s house for a Halloween gathering and I am charged with bringing an appetizer. (NO desserts, was the explicit instruction. Also, someone else is bringing a salad, so I don’t think I can do that.) As per usual, I am going to bury my intense anxiety over meeting/interacting with new people under a massive pile of anxiety about what food to bring. Redirected anxiety is my jam. But I have no idea what to make! What’s a good fall appetizer? I kind of want to bring the hotdog mummies I made during the Halloween of 2020, but… maybe that’s too cutesy? Plus, I am worried there is too high a chance that there will be hotdogs on offer already. Plus plus, it’s probably better to have an appetizer that can be served at room temperature. And one that travels well. WHAT do I bring? I love the apple monsters and veggie skeleton tray at this link, but… I’m not sure. (Won’t the monsters brown???) And maybe it doesn’t need to be explicitly Halloween-y, you know? I don’t necessarily want to be known as That Neighbor Who Tries Too Hard. Maybe a good old chips and dip is the way to go????

These guys also look worried about what I should bring. Or maybe they are mostly anxious about being eaten. Hard to pinpoint exact emotions with hotdog mummies.

Do you ever eat kielbasa? If so, what’s your favorite recipe? Do you have a favorite fall baked good? What should I bring to the Halloween party?

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Things I Am Worrying About

Some of my biggest failings as a human include a predisposition toward extreme ambivalence, a tendency to catastrophize, a habit of worrying that a good thing happening means an equally bad thing will follow to balance out the universe, and a pattern of endlessly overthinking a decision once it’s already been made. All of these tendencies are rallying together right now, as we prepare to sell our current house and move into the new home we just purchased. I am a wreck of nerves and anxieties. I have not had a solid night of sleep in… three weeks??? (Hello, 3:00 am my old friend.) (WHY IS IT ALWAYS 3:00 AM?!?)

Let’s see if the old “get it out of your brain and onto the page” trick works today. 

I am worried that:

• we will move in and end up hating the new house for unforeseen reasons.
• my eye will never stop twitching and I will never have a full night’s sleep again.
• we will never sell our current house, will be stuck paying two mortgages until all our savings drains away, and then be forced to sell our new house at a loss.
• our realtor will tell us the ONLY WAY to sell our house is if we move the majority of our belongings into storage and we have to do that and then move those things into the new house. (My husband and I did a double move when we moved into our first apartment together prior to me starting grad school. IT WAS AWFUL.)
• I will not be able to find a handyman to do the work I want to do on our house and will have to do it myself (which I am WILLING to do, it will just be subpar work).
• none of our furniture will look good in the new house and we will have to spend gajillions of dollars on new furniture.
• encouraging my daughter to donate/give up [beloved baby toy] will ruin her life and she will hate me forever because of it.
• we will all hate the commute and feel like we are in the car all the time and it will ruin our lives. (The new house is QUADRUPLE our current commute to both school and work [although this is because our current commute is six minutes].) 
• Carla will be consumed with grief over leaving our neighbors and their dogs and will never forgive us for doing this to her.
• I will (continue to) be so consumed by The New House that I will (continue to) ignore the work of my heart, which is my writing, and ruin my life and future prospects as a mediocre writer.
• we will end up hating the flooring we have chosen (and ordered) and cannot reverse without significant financial burden. 
• dander from the sellers’ pets will have seeped into the walls of the new house and I will be Extremely Allergic for all of my days.
• my mother-in-law’s prediction of “there will be mice!” will come to fruition.
• some horrific calamity will befall us because we have been too fortunate in all other areas of our lives.
• there won’t be enough wall space for all the bookcases we want/need.
• we will end up hating our new neighbors.
• the new house will have some hidden deficit that the inspection didn’t find, and it will be costly and burdensome to ameliorate.
• (relatedly) our air conditioner will decide that now is the ideal time to die. 
• the primary bedroom, which is most definitely MUCH smaller than our current capacious bedroom, will feel TOO SMALL and I will hate it.
• I will fail to transform into the casual entertainer that the new house kind of demands I become and waste our fabulous outdoor space.
• prospective buyers who come to look at our house will TOUCH my STUFF with their HANDS and other BODY PARTS. 
• my failure to be purely excited about a circumstance that is objectively exciting indicates something awful and irredeemable about my personality.

Part of me believes (hopes) that this is a normal response to making a big, life-changing decision. Moving is a big deal, and so I am expending a lot of mental energy thinking about it. I hope, with time, I feel better about all these things. 

The last time you made a major decision, did you have similar anxieties? What was the biggest thing you worried about that turned out to be a non-issue? Were any of your concerns realized?

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Control Enthusiasm, Dinners This Week

We have houseguests this week. I think it’s well established at this point that I am both an anxious host and a control enthusiast, and that doesn’t make for the easiest time when having guests.

My particular brand of control enthusiasm is particularly evident in the kitchen. I am weird about food. I am weird about germs. I am weird about lots of things, and I can control those things when it’s me cooking. But when it’s someone else in my kitchen, doing their own thing in their own way, I get very uncomfortable. So, while I know this makes sense to NO ONE but me, I cannot stand to have help in the kitchen, especially from one particular houseguest. This guest is a wonderful, loving, generous, and thoughtful person and I want you to know I understand this, and understand that I am being ridiculous. And yet I am incapable of change in this area. I have tried! This particular houseguest does things so differently from me – I find it excruciating. Unbearably uncomfortable. I feel so guilty typing this out. IT IS NOT LOGICAL. I know this. And yet. For instance, on a previous visit, this guest ended up (very kindly and thoughtfully) making dinner for the family one night. The anxiety I felt – and still feel, at the very memory! – was so intense that I cannot do it again. I cannot. And I don’t know how to convey to this person just how awful it makes me feel. I have tried, in varying levels of firmness, and it doesn’t seem to get through. (Either this person’s own anxiety at “being a good guest = making a meal” trumps the desire to respect the boundaries I try to set… or my boundary-setting just doesn’t register with this person… I don’t know.) 

Anyway. I am pre-anxious about making food for the houseguests because a) I don’t want to fend off (lovely! thoughtful!) advances to “help” and b) it is also complicated and slightly stressful to plan meals for these houseguests because they often have last minute changes in plans and c) we still have all of the normal evening activities that make dinnertime a challenge even for my immediate family. 

Dinners for the Week of June 19-26

• Sheet Pan Tandoori Chicken and Cauliflower: Colleen mentioned that she made this recently, and I had forgotten just how much I enjoyed it the last time I made it, so I put it on the meal plan IMMEDIATELY. It is so good. I think it will be perfect for houseguests, too, because it’s fairly easy to prep in advance and easy to cook. 
• Greek Chicken Chopped Salad: We did not in fact eat this last week, so I’m putting it back on the menu. 
• Slow Cooker Chipotle Chicken Tacos: The slow cooker is my best friend when I want to prep a meal without interference from others. “Oh, sorry! It’s already in the slow cooker!” is a good excuse.
• Soy-Ginger Pulled Pork with Tangy Sesame Slaw: Another slow cooker favorite! The only issue here is that I like to serve the pork/slaw on steamed bao buns, but I haven’t had great luck with steaming them myself. I wonder if I could buy some at a local restaurant???
• Takeout/Leftovers/Out: Since, as I mentioned, these houseguests sometimes have other plans, I will not plan any more than four meals. We can get takeout if there’s a night where we don’t have dinner planned, or my husband and Carla and I can eat leftovers, or we can all go out to eat.  

Do you have any really weird kitchen/meal planning related issues? I am feeling SO ANXIOUS AND GUILTY about what an ungrateful control freak I am being. But please trust me when I tell you this is better than the anxiety and discomfort I feel if I relinquish control. 

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Worry Hamsters, Flayed Face Syndrome, and Melodramatic Petunias

My usual methods for lulling the worry hamsters to sleep are not working. 

• I have tried making lists: seems to awaken additional worry hamsters, plus I keep forgetting about the lists I’ve already made and making new ones.
• I have tried long solitary walks: more time for thinking and worrying!
• I have tried distraction via TV, book, and endless scrolling of the internet: these work with varying degrees of success, but leave me feeling yucky.
• I have tried comfort eating: see above re yucky. 
• I have tried retail therapy, which is certainly fun. (By the way, Stitch Fix is KILLING it right now. I have liked nearly every single item they have sent me recently and I keep clicking, “yes, send me a new fix!” as soon as I pay for whatever I just bought.) I have a bunch of new clothes, including several new dresses and a very long skirt I love but have yet to wear. I dislike how people say “you’re so dressed up!” when I wear a sundress. Also, is age 42 too old to wear a shirt that might once in a while show a small sliver of your stomach? Kae influencered me to buy this shirt, but I have a very long torso and so the shirt doesn’t go quite to the top of my high-waisted jeans. My daughter and, I’m sure, my mother would say an emphatic YES, 42 is too old, or more particularly, I am too old (my husband’s take: “just don’t raise your arms”), but I have a friend who is in her later 40s who says WEAR IT and I’ve already taken off the tags and purchased a second shirt in a different color so I guess I’m a belly-shirt wearing person now. My mom and my daughter can go shake their heads sadly about me in another room. I did, however, return the dress to which my husband’s response was *a very tender and carefully worded version of* “I think you might be in an age range where a dress this short no longer looks appropriate.” But I didn’t return it because of that; I returned it because I hate my knees. And this dress – well, you know how some dresses are designed to showcase your décolletage or your back or whatever? This dress was designed to showcase your knees. And my knees get me around and do a great job of getting me up stairs but they are not show-worthy knees, you know? So I returned the dress, which was otherwise adorable and extremely comfortable.
• Oh right, I was listing things that I have tried to help prevent all the endless anxieties that keep scurrying around my brain.
• I have tried complaining to my husband, who has limited patience with reassuring people; why did he marry me when I need near-constant reassurance about everything????
• I have tried sending ridiculous hyperventilatey emails to blog friends, whom I hope have enough of an existing familiarity with my all-caps style of hyperbole to not think that I have completely unhinged. I am still semi-hinged. For now.
• I have not yet tried therapy, although I have broached the topic with my husband and have asked some offline friends for recommendations. Who has time for therapy, though?!?!?

The only thing that works even slightly is exercise – strenuous HIIT or strength training – but the downside is that the worry hamsters wake up immediately upon my heart rate returning to normal. And I just cannot exercise every second of the day. 

Speaking of exercise: do you have, as I do, Flayed Face Syndrome? (Which is a totally made-up non-disease that is not to be confused with Scalded Skin Syndrome, which is a real and horrifying thing.)

Every time I do something that raises my heart rate for a prolonged amount of time, I end up looking like a character in Game of Thrones whose facial skin has been peeled away to reveal the tomato-pulp flesh beneath it. Is Game of Thrones still a relevant reference point? Feels like a million years ago that it was the hot thing, but then again I don’t consume a lot of other media where “peeling off someone’s face” would be a reasonable plot point. 

The effect is quite alarming, let me assure you. Every time I have exercised in public to the point of my skin scarleting itself, people approach me to ask if I am okay. It is highly embarrassing. The redness lasts for a long time; I am writing this an hour after I finished a very heart-pumping exercise routine with Tracy Steen (this 45-minute HIIT workout) and my face is only just now cooling off to the “moderate to severe sunburn” level of redness. 

One of my friends keeps asking me to go to barre class with her. I would love to – I used to love barre, and haven’t been back since March of 2020, hmm wonder why, but I am pre-embarrassed about my tomato-y complexion. 

(Also keeping me from barre class: I am an extremely sweaty exerciser. And while that is tolerable at home in my own house, at least to me; I have not asked the other members of my household, I feel super self-conscious about it in public.)

I have been like this – a deskinned tomato person – for as long as I can remember. I don’t think there’s anything to be done about it, but maybe YOU have a solution? Perhaps that solution is simply, “avoid exertion,” which makes sense to me.

Recently, Lauren shared some rules to live by. One of them is that everyone deserves flowers. And even though buying flowers doesn’t soothe the worry hamsters, it does bring me a little ping of joy every time I see said flowers. So I am buying the flowers and I hope you are too. 

Currently, my dinner table has some lilies and some delphinium (at least, I think it’s delphinium) in a vase. But I also bought a bunch of flowers for outside my house. Including two hanging baskets of bright magenta petunias. There’s nothing like a basket of magenta petunias to lift a mood, if temporarily. 

Of course, one of them fell from the little hook that dangles the basket above my porch, and the basket broke. I transferred it into a pot and it seemed to be doing okay. Then I forgot to water both pot and basket for two days – two days during which we got significant rain, by the way – and when I went to check on them, the flowers had all wilted in an extremely distressing manner. I couldn’t bear to throw them out, so I watered them. And it turns out they were just being melodramatic. They look glorious once again. (Phew.)

In a fun twist, these petunias are the same hue my face turns after intense exercise.

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In Need of Advice

One of the things I love about blogging – and this blogging community specifically – is that we are all roughly Going Through It at the same time. I feel very comfortable sharing the ups and downs of life, because it seems like you are going through similar ups and downs. Or have recently done so, or are in a stage I recognize quite well from being In It myself fairly recently.  The commiseration is so bolstering, and I find the helpful hints and advice that your share in posts and comment sections to be invaluable. 

Sometimes I need specific and mundane advice, like “what’s the best mascara,” and other times what I really need is more of Life Coach Guidance. Lately, I have some questions of both varieties that keep going round and round in my head with no resolution, and I am hoping that you might have some helpful hints or advice to share. Anything and everything would be useful.

Girls’ Weekend: I find myself in charge of a dear person’s Major Birthday celebration, or at least in charge of Getting The Ball Rolling (what I am hoping to do is come up with two or three really good ideas that I can then share with the birthday girl, and she can – hopefully! – choose one option.).  But I feel COMPLETELY OUT OF MY DEPTH. Yes, the all caps are necessary. You, however, are much more social and well organized than I am, so I am turning to you for help. WHAT CAN I DO for a low-key, not exorbitantly expensive girls’ weekend? 

The birthday girl is not particularly picky, which is good… but also, it would be nice to have more specific guidance… OH WELL, we do not have more specific guidance, or any guidance at all outside of the request that the four invitees “spend time together.” And also, children are not invited. 

Here are some things that are important but add to the challenge: The birthday girl does not drink. She does not really eat. She is not particularly outdoorsy. These things are helpful for ruling options out. My initial thought was spa weekend! That sounds lovely and doesn’t have to involve alcohol or lavish meals or hiking/biking/skiing/swimming. But I did some research into spas and/or hotels with spas and they are SO EXPENSIVE. I don’t even know what the budget should be, but it should not be LUXURY WEEKEND level, you know? For example, one hotel-with-spa I looked at was $788 per room per night. This is not even taking airfare into account, or the cost of spa treatments; this is lodging alone. AND THAT WAS ON THE LOW END OF MY RESEARCH. Oh: that’s the other thing. I would want us to all have separate rooms. I mean, I suppose some combination of the others might want to stay in a room together, but I require my own room. This could be four bedrooms in a rented house (although my husband says he no longer trusts Air BnB for reasons that are not entirely clear? Do you still trust Air BnB?) or it could be four rooms in a hotel. For ease of travel, the celebration probably should be near Chicago or New York City, which are relatively easy for each of us to get to via plane. (Are there awesome girls’ weekend options in Madison? Minneapolis?)

Do you have any ideas? Any ideas at all???? Literally the only idea I’ve had, aside from “spa weekend,” is “go to NYC and see a play.” But even THAT makes me hyperventilate because… Which play? Where would we stay? Where would we eat? What else would we do besides see a play? I honestly hate New York City. BUT. The birthday girl does not, and this is about her, not about me so maybe that will be one option to present her. Which still leaves me in need of at least one other option.

What would you want to do for a girls’ weekend? Have you been on any girls’ weekends or family trips or couple’s getaways or work events that were especially fun? Why do I keep thinking about axe throwing? I do not want to throw weaponry!

I have never been to a spa party. It sounds fancy and fun. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Protein Powder: Is there a protein powder that doesn’t taste like… anything? I really want a protein powder that has NO TASTE. I had a long conversation with a chatty nutrition expert in the supplements aisle of my grocery store the other day, and she recommended I try Epic Protein by Sprout Living. Mainly, I think, because I told her I wanted to try a sample before I spent $20+ on a giant tub of protein powder and the options were sort of limited. I got the chocolate maca flavor and also the vanilla flavor. It took me a long time to try either of them, and I have only finally tried the chocolate one. I blended it up with some coffee, ice cubes, vanilla extract, and skim milk and then threw in a tablespoon of mini chocolate chips for good measure, and it was… drinkable. Not good; I would not describe it as good. It was far, far less disgusting than the only other protein powder I’ve tried. It was a Garden of Life vanilla powder and I mixed half of a sample packet into a homemade Orange Julius (almond milk, orange juice, vanilla extract, ice) and it was so horrific that I had to pour it out without finishing it. The chatty nutrition expert said that all protein powders taste like something, but… really? 

You know this is a stock image because I would never put peanut butter in my smoothie. Nor would I… sprinkle oats??? all over the counter. (Photo by Leah Rolando on Pexels.com)

Annual Birthday Planning Angst: Speaking of birthdays, which I was awhile ago, Carla’s birthday is coming up and it is once again time for me to stress endlessly about her party. It always works out and yet I have so much anxiety around every aspect of her party each year. This year, Carla has Very Specific Ideas, which, as you might recall from several paragraphs ago, I was begging for. In this case, they are perhaps a bit TOO specific. She would like a wolf theme. She would like a three-layer cake; the middle layer should be chocolate, the other layers should be white; there should be raspberry something between the layers; the frosting should be GREY. Deep breaths. I cannot picture a grey cake, which sounds the opposite of appetizing, so I will do some googling after this. But the cake is honestly the LEAST of my concerns.

For her party, Carla would like to do a nature walk and then go to a park somewhere. Okay, so the reaction to that is probably, “Aww! That’s so cute! That sounds lovely and low-key!” And it is, it is lovely and low-key. She is such a nature lover and that makes me so happy and obviously I want her to have the party she wants. And yet… HOW am I going to pull this off?

Here are my concerns: 

1. My child is turning ten, and presumably will invite other ten-year-olds. Won’t they find a nature walk kind of boring???? Part of me says, it doesn’t MATTER what the other kids think, as long as Carla likes it. And this is partially true. It’s Carla’s party; it should be the party she wants. But also, we are inviting friends to join us, and I think that creates an obligation to entertain said friends. And also also, if her friends are bored, isn’t that going to make her feel bad? These kids are 100% at the age where one of them might announce, loudly, with an eyeroll: “This is the most boring party ever.” That would crush Carla! 

2. HOW am I going to arrange a nature walk? I don’t know about nature! Carla cheerily suggested that we bring her iPad and load up Merlin Bird ID so we can all see which birds are around, which is pretty much the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard, but deeply impractical when you are talking about hosting multiple ten-year-old children. We are fortunate to live near some beautiful nature preserves, but the parties they offer seem more specific (about bugs or about fairies, in one case) and also geared toward younger children. One local science center offers a bird-themed birthday, which could be okay… although part of the entertainment is dissecting an owl pellet. This is 100% in Carla’s wheelhouse, but once again I wonder: will her guests enjoy that? Even if they aren’t squeamish, they already dissected an owl pellet in school, so it won’t be new or exciting. A friend suggested geocaching, but I know NOTHING ABOUT THAT. Is “geocaching party leader” a job? Can you hire people to do that? 

3. We cannot do a nature walk and then go to a park. Just being adjacent to thinking about transportation logistics – not even actually thinking about it! – makes me dizzy. 

4. How do you wrangle/keep track of 10-15 ten-year-olds during a nature walk? Wouldn’t we need extra adults to help? A friend very kindly offered her services, but… can I do that to her? I could probably hire a couple of babysitters to join us, but then we have two extra people to fit into the planning. Are there… nature walk games that we can play? What would those be?

5. WHAT IS A WOLF THEME? What does that mean? Is that even a thing?! I have not googled yet, and I suppose that might help allay some of that particular worry, but… WOLF THEME?!?!?!?!?!

I am not sure I have mentioned it here, but I have a weird phobia of wolves. This photo gives me the newbie jeebies. (Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com)

Housewarming: If all continues to progress as needed, my parents will be moving nearby this summer. It is SO exciting. I would love to get them a housewarming present, but… what? They aren’t big on stuff, although they will need to buy all of the normal day-to-day items necessary for living in a house. For various reasons, things I normally think of as “standard housewarming” fare, like wine or candles, are off the table. I could splurge on some really fancy Champagne; they would probably like that. Maybe a big pile of books about local drives or local hikes? A welcome mat? New towels? (But how do you buy someone towels without knowing their color scheme?) When we moved into our house a million years ago, I would have loved a gift certificate to Home Depot or the like. But it feels a little weird to buy a gift card for one’s parents. I suppose “feels a little weird” isn’t a reason not to do it. But maybe there is a better idea? 

Is a welcome mat too personal an item to give as a gift? (Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com)

So Many Gifts: Thinking about a housewarming gift reminds me that this is the time of year when I need to think of So! Many! Gifts! My niece’s birthday is coming up; she will be seven and likes Pokemon and STEM activities. Our Girl Scout troop leader is retiring; we need something for her, but I don’t know what says “thank you for expending a truly heroic amount of time and energy on my child over the past five years.” Probably we will contribute money to teacher gifts, and then maybe do gift cards for Carla’s activities coaches? And then Carla will be TEN, which feels like an opportunity to get her Something Special… but I’m not sure what that would be; she is very spoiled. (We are not getting her a phone.) Plus, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are coming up, and I am just… idealess on that front. Lots of gift giving opportunities and my brain is refusing to come up with anything reasonable for any of them. Have you given or received any really spectacular gifts recently?

Oh geez this photo reminds me that not only do I need to BUY the gifts, I have to WRAP them, too. (Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com)

Good Socks. All of my socks are terrible. I think I have only recently noticed this because I now wear shoes in the house every moment that I am not sleeping or showering. Every day, I wear a pair of ankle-height athletic socks. It seems like every pair either has holes in them or they slide down the back of my heel while I am doing normal things like walking. I tend to buy those big packages of Puma socks and the like from Costco, and maybe the solution is “spend more money on socks.” Is that what I need to do? What socks are worth spending money on? I do have two pairs of compression socks that I rather like. But I can’t find either pair for some reason right now. They are hiding. I would love to do a massive sock purge and replace all the crummy socks with new, super awesome ones. Do you have socks you feel particularly evangelical about?

These are not at all the kind of socks I am looking for, but they seem so cozy. (Photo by Lum3n on Pexels.com)

Okay, I think that’s it. I am both less stressed than I come across in writing, and more stressed than probably is reasonable, and I would LOVE your advice. Even if it’s just a CORNER of advice, like, “I have no idea where you should go for your girls’ weekend, but I just went axe-throwing over the weekend and it was so fun!” Or “Three years ago, I bought my dad THIS and he’s loved it ever since.”

And if YOU need advice, please, ask away. Perhaps one of the wonderful members of this community will have JUST the suggestion you need. 

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