Five for Friday

It’s Friday and I am posting this on Friday, March 15; you may not see this until June for all Feedly cares, but I don’t think I have any control over that. This is kind of a cranky way to begin a blog post, so, as I say to Carla: Let’s try that again.

It’s Friday! I am coming off a night of broken sleep (child coming in at three, returning to bed around four, husband waking up for the day at five thirty), so let’s have some Friday bullets. 

1. Are you as steeped in the Kate Middleton drama as I am? If you have no idea what I’m talking about, a) bless you and b) here is a really thorough explainer. If you are In It, I highly recommend finding a friend who is similarly obsessed so you can text her memes and links to conspiracy theories at all hours of the day. My personal opinion is that Kate is recovering from surgery, probably doesn’t look or feel her best, and just wants to recover in private until Easter as previously planned and communicated by the Palace. BUT, simmering in that dark gross part of me that enjoys drama, especially when it feels very removed from my own boring non-royal life, I am kind of hoping that someone is pregnant with someone’s love child.

2. What kind of snacks do you keep stocked in your house? I ask because we have become friendly with our new neighbors and they invite us over all the time for all manner of things. While I am a little intimidated by reciprocating with A Real Meal (they are incredible cooks and bakers, and every time we’ve been invited to their house the food has been astonishing in both quantity and quality), I am ostensibly fine with having them over for drinks and snacks. The other day, the kids went sledding and we had them over for impromptu cocoa. Luckily, we had cocoa mix in the pantry, and even more luckily the mix had tiny marshmallows, and even more luckily, we had an unopened bottle of spray whipped cream because one of the neighbor kids informed me that he really likes whipped cream on his cocoa in a tone so grave I understood him to mean that something dire would happen if no whipped cream appeared. But then there are all these kids and their parent in my house and I realized I DON’T HAVE ANY SNACKS. It’s not that I don’t enjoy snacks; it’s that I enjoy them too much. We managed to scrape together some muffins I had in the freezer and some individual bags of chips and veggie straws that we had leftover from some party or other, so no one starved. But it made me feel like I need to have at least some snacks on hand. But what?!? I’m not crazy about having a bunch of cookies around, because they either go uneaten or get devoured in two seconds. If we have chips, I will eat the chips. Cheese and crackers aren’t big among the elementary school set, and it’s not like I can have an emergency brie on hand for last minute guests (or can I?). Fresh fruits and veggies, yes, great, and I try to have those around as much as possible, but we don’t eat enough of them to have a ready supply in the fridge at all times. Occasionally I panic buy a bag of clementines, but at least a third of them inevitably go bad before we can eat them. So: shelf stable snacks that appeal to kids and adults but are not so appealing that my family will eat them before we have guests. Is this a thing? 

3. In vanity news, I have been Influenced to buy several things lately. I really like this very inexpensive multi-use highlighter stick. Of course I cannot find the video that originally persuaded me that this was an essential tool in my (non-existent) makeup game, but I like dabbing it on the inner and outer aspects of my eyes and swiping it below my eyebrows for a little bit of lively glow. Totally worth $2.94. The other thing I’ve already tried enough times to recommend it is this bronzing mousse. The weather is edging ever closer to summer, and I don’t want to scare the new neighbors with my fish-belly legs, so I’ve been practicing in the hope that I can add a little lifelike color to my skin before I appear in public in running shorts. I am always on a quest for the perfect fake tan, and this is the closest I’ve gotten. The things I like best about it are: a) It’s dark when it goes on, so you can SEE where you are applying it, and you can also see if you are introducing streaks to your thighs or stomach before the streaks have become one with your skin. b) While it has a scent, as all tanning products inevitably do, it strikes me as much fainter and less objectionable than any other tanning product I’ve ever used. c) The resulting tan is darker than my normal skin tone, but not so dark that it screams FAKE TAN. (I use this tanning mitt to apply it to my body which works really well and helps prevent streaking.) Once again, I have no idea which account suggested this tanning mousse, but I am a fan.

4. One of my current parenting goals is to provide more opportunities for Carla to spend time with her friends. I think I’ve mentioned before that I hate playdates. They fill me with anxiety, because they are both forced social time – sometimes with parents I don’t know well – and because I have no idea how to deal with more than just my one child. For better or for worse, that’s just how I am, and so we haven’t had a ton of playdates. But now that Carla is older, playdates presumably no longer require that social element AND the kids are old enough that I can give them a lot more independence. I used to agonize over how I was going to entertain two whole children, and so I’d gravitate toward things in my comfort zone, like baking projects or crafts. Unfortunately, those things require a lot of prep and supervision and clean up, so they aren’t relaxing or easy. But now I can pretty much let the kids go off and play together. Sometimes we all take a walk outside, and I’m always happy to take a walk, even if the kids ask me to pretend I’m not with them.

Even though playdates are, in many ways, easier now, I still of course have anxiety about them. I find myself fretting about planning An Activity, just in case. I find myself worrying about what happens if the kids get into a fight or misbehave or want food (it always comes back to snacks!) or want to be on screens the whole time.

This is so silly! When I was a kid, I don’t think my friends and I EVER had An Activity. We just went and played Barbies or roller skated in my basement or played school or ran around outside or played house. I can’t even imagine asking my mom or a friend’s mom for ideas. And snacks were not provided by the parent! We scrounged up our own snacks, and I don’t even remember a parent being present for any snacking. In fact, part of the fun of going to someone’s house was checking out their snacks. (Not as fun: eating any sort of meal at a friend’s house, because they had different foods than I was used to and different rules. THAT filled me with anxiety.) I loved my friend J’s house because they had an entire drawer full of candy, and you could just… eat candy when you wanted to! J, notably, was pretty uninterested in the candy. I loved my friend R’s house because her garage freezer was STOCKED with popsicles. At my house, we always had little bags of chips or Zingers in the pantry and Dilly Bars in the freezer and pickles in the fridge. (R and I used to each eat a pickle when we were at my house.) So I am guessing that kids DON’T CARE either what they do or what they eat at playdates. They will figure it out. And yet. We have two playdates on the schedule in the next few weeks and I am already stressing about it. I am planning to be Mean Mom and put a ban on screens, but beyond that… I don’t know what to do or what not to do. Wow, I wish I could chill out about this. 

5. You know something that always feels like magic to me, even though it’s science? Topology. Various algorithms keep serving me videos of topological experiments – because I keep watching them when they appear in my feed – and my mind cannot grasp the mathematics/physics. My dad taught Carla how to make a mobius strip and even seeing him create it with my own eyes doesn’t help me understand how or why it works. It’s witchcraft.

What are you up to this weekend, internet? And, more importantly, what kind of snacks will you be eating?

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Five for Friday

It’s March! A new month! Spring is inching ever closer! I am feeling so much better today. No fever, and I SLEPT last night, which is everything. I still have no voice to speak of (ha, unintentional pun!), which is more annoying than I anticipated (our house has a lot of stairs and I tend to holler at people rather than walking to where they are which is EFFICIENT) and this infection has fully settled in my chest, so I am coughing at ALL TIMES. (Do you have a go-to cough drop/cough syrup? I have been drinking a LOT of green tea with honey but I think I need to pull out the big guns.) 

I am feeling a little KEYED UP, I feel so much better, is what I’m saying. Like maybe I’ve had a full pot of espresso or a fistful of cocaine instead of three sips of my normal tea and zero cocaine. So I guess… Prepare yourself for even more exclamation marks than usual. (I added an exclamation mark after that sentence, then deleted it. It looks mean, now. Mean!!!!)

Let’s have some Friday bullets, shall we?!

1. With all of my Feeling Better Verve, I am making muffins. We had some sad bananas on the counter (we have the Proverbial Banana Problem of either going through bananas more quickly than we can supply them or ending up with an entire bunch slowly liquifying on the counter. So the first order of business is banana chocolate chip muffins, which are in the oven as I type! I have still not gotten around to making the apple cinnamon muffins I mentioned a while back, but I have left all the muffin making ingredients on the counter (which makes me itchy) AND I have already washed all the muffin making equipment (bowls, measuring devices) to prompt me to make Batch 2 as soon as the banana muffins are done. Why not make them simultaneously? Why not, indeed! It is because I have only one set of silicone muffin cups and they are currently in service. Clearly, I need to get another set! These muffins are intended for the freezer – I mean, that’s my intent for them; I can’t speak for the recipe writers – and I find I prefer to reheat a naked muffin rather than try to disrobe a frozen muffin in a paper wrapper. This reminds me that I would love a better muffin freezing solution than the one I have (Tupperware rectangle). Surely Amazon has a product that is designed for this highly specific need? YES! Do I need a muffin fresh storage container just for this purpose? Yes, I think I do!

2. The only problem with making muffins is my oven. I think I have mentioned before that we have two ovens (!!!!!) and that neither of those ovens heats properly (womp womp). For instance, my banana chip muffins required a baking temperature of 350 degrees Fahrenheit. I set the oven to 450 degrees. When it had reached approximately 325 degrees, my oven alerted me that it had come to temperature. Yes, I get it, we’re all eager for muffins. (I only know the “real” temperature because we got a thermometer to put inside the oven.) This would be sort of okay if the oven held a consistent temperature difference – like, if I set it to 450 but it reliably stayed at 350. (Although that would be problematic for dishes that require a temperature of 450, because the oven dial only goes to 525.) Except, no, it does not do that. It slowly continues to heat. This is true of both ovens! BOTH! I hate it, thanks. Let’s be clear, though: I do not want to replace the ovens. Especially because one of them is a Big Fancy Oven that costs more money than I care to imagine. But I also can’t go on like this. I suppose what this means is Another Phone Call!!!! Woo! 

3. It’s that time again: I need new walking shoes. I don’t know WHAT I do to my shoes, but at some point, the vertical section of shoe that wraps around the back of your heel inevitably fails. And by “fails” I mean there is a big hole through which the plastic starts poking painfully. Do I have horns sprouting from the backs of my heels? I am contemplating ordering another pair of Brooks Ghost shoes – they are what I was using, and I liked them. They are also a lower price on Amazon than I’ve seen them. But maybe I just want a cheapo pair of Asics? These are the shoes I wear around the house all day every day and I like them just fine. 

4. We keep inching our way toward finishing Carla’s room renovation. Well. Not really a “renovation,” per say. We have painted the walls and bought a bunch of decor and are now trying to make her space usable. In this house, she has ample space: an enormous bedroom PLUS an enormous craft/toy room. It is The Dream, truly. Unfortunately, we haven’t figured out yet how to make them workable for what she likes to do. (“Crafting all over her bedroom” is NOT THE ANSWER.) The craft room is a big mess right now (but behind a door so I don’t have to see it!!!!). We want to get her a drafting chair so that it’s easier for her to work at her crafting “table” (which is a door balanced on top of several storage units). We want to move one of our couches into that space (we got a new couch for the basement, so now we have too many couches), to give it a cozier feel. She also requested a second bean bag chair. And we want to organize everything so that all the paper and foam and pompoms and markers have A Specific Home. (Do you think we need a label maker for organization purposes? I’ve wanted a label maker for a long time but haven’t made it past putting various label makers in my various digital shopping carts.) It’s a big project and we’ve been limping toward the finish line for a long time. Will this be the weekend we complete it?!?! Probably not, but a girl can hope!!!!

5. Speaking of things I keep wanting to buy but haven’t yet, I am feeling lately like I NEED a stick blender with a cup attachment. Probably I don’t, considering I already have an immersion blender (which I cannot find! they all seem to come with cup attachments now!) and a regular blender, which came with a smaller cup I use for making dressings and single serve smoothies. But it looks so useful! So many delicious recipes on Instagram are made with one of these guys!

Okay, if I continue in this vein I am going to spend too much money and wear out my 1 key. By the way, the muffins are done (and I have left the oven on, set to 375 and the temperature seems to have evened out at 350), my child is awake (and off from school today, whoo five day weekend!!!!!), and I need to go make muffin batch number two! 

Tell me something you want to buy but haven’t yet done so.

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Sunday Randomosity: To Do Lists and Birthday Plans Edition

This snow person has nothing to do with anything, but I found it on a walk recently and it is a real vibe.

A person can both Not Really Want, At All sweeping romantic gestures and glittery jewelry and giant bouquets of flowers and fancy heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, while still feeling a little disappointed to then not get those things. It is illogical, but such is the human heart. This past Valentine’s Day, I managed to override whatever part of my system feels sad and melancholy over not having the Hallmark Version of the holiday, and instead feel pleased about a) sending Valentines (although they ALL seemed to reach their recipients MUCH TOO LATE; note to self, start MUCH EARLIER) and b) making cookies and c) delivering said cookies to a few dear local friends and d) buying flowers for myself and e) supporting Carla in her desire to paper the house with hearts. It worked, truly, and I felt pleased and cheerful rather than resentful and pouty. 

Today: I bought myself some yellow tulips that I am hoping will open up as the day goes on. I do love a cheery yellow tulip. I am making vanilla cupcakes with lemon curd filling and cream cheese frosting because, as Engie noted, why would I pass up a perfectly good opportunity for a baked good?! Also, I am using boxed cake mix because the cupcakes always turn out better than homemade, PLUS they are easier. I am also making tacos for dinner and I am going to have a GIANT MARGARITA, maybe two! with the tacos. Probably not three, because I do need to wake up tomorrow to take Carla to school, but we’ll see where the night takes us. I don’t plan on doing a single dish, although that means I may have extra dishes tomorrow, but that’s okay! It is worth it! (We’ll see if I can truly go to bed with dirty dishes piled in the dishwasher.) 

Today is supposed to be both sunny and warm, so I plan to take a long, leisurely walk. Maybe I will even start a new audiobook instead of forcing myself to continue listening to the book I am reading with a couple of friends. (I am nearly 70% of the way through it, and it’s just not my favorite. Although it is improving with time. I suppose for a five-book series, I should give the author a little time to solidify the world around me before throwing in the towel.) 

ANYWAY, despite all these happy things to look forward to, my husband is at the hospital and I am sort of feeling sorry for myself anyway so let’s skip right into some Sunday randomosity!!!!!!!!!! Aggressive exclamation marks!!!!!!!!

Edited to add: Turns out all I needed was to chat with you and pull a couple of fragrant pans of cupcakes out of the oven and my mood is considerably brighter. Onto the less aggressive and self-pitying randomosity!

Waiting to be filled and frosted!

1. My dreams have been highly stressful lately. Uncomfortably explicit dreams about people from my past. Not-finishing-the-assignment dreams. Last night, I dreamed that I worked at my old company, and got paid every month, but wasn’t actually doing any work. And there was an assignment due that I hadn’t yet begun, and I was kind of hoping everyone at the company had forgotten about me completely. But I was also feeling super guilty about getting paid for doing nothing. In the same dream, there’d been an Unknown Incident that resulted in needing to build a special room for my oven, but the room was in a tiny nook up several flights of stairs and it was 90 degrees in that space at all times. I think this last dream at least has some easily identifiable sources: a) I get hot to the point of needing to step outside every time I turn on the oven and b) my to-do list keeps growing and I keep not doing any of the things.

2. There are so many unappealing things on my to-do list. I think I’m going to try the thing where I list them out here, and the embarrassment of stating them publicly will spur me to do them. Come on, internet magic! 

• Call the electrician. How many times am I going to mention this particular pressing task before I DO IT? The reason I have not taken care of it yet is because the electrician has both a weirdly specific estimate process and a weirdly complicated scheduling process. My husband suggested I find a new electrician; that would be WORSE, because these people have already done a whole-house evaluation and I cannot stomach the idea of researching a new electrician and having them come out and give us an estimate and then schedule a real appointment. I CAN’T DO IT. Also, we get a discount with this particular electrician which has to count for something, no? 
• Figure out how to fix the doorbell????? Perhaps the electrician could give us some thoughts, if I ever get him back out here? I am seriously considering becoming an electrician myself because it seems like it would be easier. 
• Email or call the landscaper. The reason I am balking at this one is because I ignored the landscaper’s calls and emails for MONTHS before we were finally ready to sign a contract for next summer. Apparently, all you need to do to get me to spend money with your company is to badger me, politely but at regular intervals, for several months???? Anyway, now I feel like I can’t suddenly Be Available to talk about new things we want to do with our yard. Also, while I DO want to do new things with our yard, I don’t know what they ARE and I am not ready for that conversation (or the price).
• Schedule a work call. This should be the easiest on my list, I think. The only thing holding me back is that I already reached out to this person and they didn’t respond, which always makes me feel like I am pestering. 
• Figure out who will take care of our pool this summer. Talk about a Champagne problem!!!!!!! But getting a person whose purported livelihood is pool care/maintenance to call me back and then agree to have me pay them to do the work they purport to do is extremely difficult for reasons I don’t understand and I am avoiding it like whoa.
• Put last year’s earnings into my retirement account. (Another Champagne problem. I am so lucky that 99% of my problems are this variety.) WHY is this hard? It should not be. And yet. 
• Schedule Carla’s next dental appointment. The hygienist wanted to schedule it for me, but I didn’t know when Carla’s first day of school was, so I said I would call back once I knew… but then I looked it up while the hygienist was finishing up, and so I could have easily made the appointment, but didn’t because I didn’t want to bother her?????? So now I have to make a phone call. Yay. 
• Put a check in the mail to the orthodontist. We get a small discount on the price of braces if we pay in full in cash. I did not have my checkbook (why?????) when I signed the braces paperwork, but the office manager kindly told me she would give me the discount anyway, if I just sent in the check by the end of the month. She even gave me a self-addressed envelope. Why have I not simply WRITTEN THE CHECK and put it in the mail? THIS is the easiest item on my list. Just do it, Suzanne! 
• Figure out what kind of person addresses what looks like rot in the wood siding of my house. Probably I just need to google this. And then I will need to begin the rigamarole of calling people and having them come over and give estimates. Why did we buy a new house again? Who thought that would be a good idea?

• Fulfill the giveaway I offered on my blog. Wait a second. THIS is the easiest task on my list to fulfill! Guess what?! J is the winner of the paperback giveaway! Congrats, J! I will reach out to you for your address and send you a copy of the second book in Elena Ferrante’s My Brilliant Friend series. 

3. You know how, in TV shows and movies, someone will cough ominously and then three scenes later they die of consumption? Carla is upstairs and I can hear her coughing and it is filling me with foreboding. We went to a school event the other day; I volunteered while Carla ran around in a howling pack of other children. Already one friend has texted me with the unsettling news that her kid just woke up with a fever. We have so far avoided the bulk of the Winter Illnesses that have felled nearly everyone else on the planet… but based on the frequency of the coughing, I suspect our time has come. 

4. There’s no way to correct someone’s misimpression about your birth date without making them feel bad and/or stupid, right? There is a person in my life who very sweetly wishes me happy birthday every year… the day before my birthday. And now their spouse is doing it, too. And it’s very thoughtful and getting it on the actual date really does not matter – TRULY – I am now forty-three years old and it’s unexpectedly lovely when people remember your birthday at all, let alone get the date right. This is just a charming quirk I should love for as long as it lasts, right?

5. The best article I’ve read in awhile is this profile of Jodie Foster. I love Foster – most recently in True Detective. What resonated with me most is the idea of simultaneously craving privacy and connection. I wonder if it resonates with you, too, if you have a blog. The idea of having someone I KNOW – even though that’s a silly categorization, because I know YOU so much better than so many people I see out in the three-dimensional world day-to-day – read my blog gives me hives. And yet I thrive on the connections I find here, in bloglandia, via our (in most cases) text-only relationships. It was validating and comforting to read about Foster, who seems to have a similar personality and a similar struggle with finding the balance between being known and being understood.

6. Instead of doing literally ANY of the things I need to do (which also include larger, longer-term projects that I did not list in bullet #1), I decided I would put together an old-school blogroll. And I DID, based on the very haphazard and unreliable methods I use to check blogs regularly. But then I could not figure out how to create a new page in WordPress. I mean. I think I *DID* create a new page in WordPress, but I don’t know where said page LIVES on my blog. So then I tried to add the new page to the menu, and got very confused, and this is all to say that I did not accomplish anything except a Word document listing many (but probably not all) of the blogs I read. SIGH.

7. In addition to cupcakes, I am contemplating another baked good. I recently enjoyed one of these muffins at a friend’s house. Subsequently, I found myself thinking about the muffin with such longing that I asked my friend for the recipe. But I have yet to break down and BAKE the muffins. So far. 

8. Swimsuit season is creeping ever closer. I will be spring breaking in a place that requires a swimsuit, so I am fretting abstractedly about swimsuits. I own a swimsuit, a black two piece that includes a top and a skirted bottom. To be honest, that is probably the swimsuit I will continue to wear. But I always find myself pining for a NEW swimsuit. It’s tough to find a suitable suit, or at least a suit I find remotely flattering, when I am self-conscious of my rather lumpy lower half. It’s not just that I’m a pear shape, although the top part of the pear grows ever wider with the passing years; it’s that my hips are not a nice pleasing curve from hipbone to thigh: there’s a divot in there. I believe the young people call it a “hip dip.” I have become convinced over the years by body positive Instagrammers that this is not, as some might say, my fault; this is how my body is shaped, and I cannot control it no matter how many squats I might do or how little I weigh. (The latter, I know for sure; I remember being a 100-pound active high school student and worrying about my “saddle bags.”) But my body shape still doesn’t lend itself to a lot of the more pleasing bathing suit styles. ANYWAY, we all have our Things, and this is (one of) mine. I guess I am just wondering, what does YOUR swimsuit look like? And what swimsuit are you ogling, in case the one you own suddenly bursts into spontaneous flame? 

9. My parents took me out to lunch for my birthday! It was SO DELIGHTFUL. I cannot remember the last time I celebrated my birthday with them?!? (Okay, yes I can; it was before Carla was born.) It was just the three of us and I felt very spoiled and loved and I cannot believe how lucky I am that they LIVE NEARBY. What a gift. I think we have settled into a good rhythm of seeing each other while allowing one another to Live Our Lives (although I would like to spend more one-on-one time with my mom). I hope I never take our time together for granted. 

Pile of presents from my family!!!! Plus Carla and I have been talking about our Future Hypothetical Cat, and decided that we want to name him Wallace and he will wear a monocle and will have coloring that makes him look like he’s wearing a white ascot and a brown or black suit jacket. Hence the picture she left for me this morning.

10. My holiday cards are still up. I don’t want to remove them, although my husband is making gentle noises indicating he is growing tired of them. I had enough this year to line the entire kitchen. I affixed them to the wall above the windows/doors and they make me so happy! We also still have hearts on all the walls, which also make me happy. Seeing as it’s still February, I don’t really feel a lot of pressure to remove the hearts. Perhaps I will take everything down right before Spring Break.

11. I have never really been a big Branded Handbag type of person. I don’t even really USE a handbag that much anymore. But I have recently found myself coveting a high-end handbag for myself. I blame this new desire on my choice to follow Class of Palm Beach on Instagram. Are you a handbag person? If you could get any fancy bag in the world, what would it be? A Birkin bag seems like the obvious choice, especially because they are considered a better investment than gold (!!!!), but it also sounds difficult to get your hands on one. (Please also keep in mind that there is no way I would ever buy a Birkin bag. This is pure idle fantasy.) 

Tulips! You can also sort of glimpse the hearts AND the holiday cards in the background.

Okay Internet. Tell me your favorite type of cupcakes and/or muffins. And please share all your magical body altering swimsuit choices with me as well. 

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Five for Friday + Mini Giveaway

1. For Valentine’s Day, I made two kinds of cookies. I had some leftover scraps of dough, so I cut out little hearts and whipped up a strawberry buttercream frosting and made little sandwiches. They were cute and tasty. Then I added a few cookies to these adorable plates I found at the grocery store of all places and gave them to a couple of local friends.

My husband and I exchanged cards and candy and we got Carla a bunch of candy and a little pink bunny. (Side note: I happened to be near a Kohl’s recently and went in, remembering the luck I’d had finding stocking stuffers there. They had one tiny Valentine’s Day display and the rest of the holiday products were related to Easter. And not just bunnies — they had a strange array of large, weary-looking pigs, which seems a little odd for Easter. I mean, I would look weary if I were a stuffed animal on display in a Kohl’s too, that’s gotta be a hard job, but they were not particularly cute or cuddly and really seemed like they were counting the hours until they could clock out. I DID find one small, pink bunny and snapped it up.) Carla also cut out a bunch of paper hearts and stuck them all over the walls of the house. It was adorable and the hearts are still up and may remain for months.

2. A recent parent interaction has me feeling cranky. And ranty, just to warn you. I was at a school event and several of us were discussing various challenges our kids are having, as one does, and the topic turned to leaving our kids at home alone. I was struck, once again, by how adamant some people are that their way is The Only Way. The comments ran the spectrum from, “Oh my gosh, I would NEVER leave a kid that age alone!” to “There is NO REASON a kid that age can’t stay at home by themselves for reasonable periods of time.” With equal emphasis and near outrage. 

I don’t know why, after nearly eleven years of being a parent, I am still surprised by people’s inability to consider the wide array of differences in our situations, upbringings, and specific children, but I guess I am. I’m guilty of it too – I still cringe, remembering how I’d mentioned to a friend that I OF COURSE make my child sit in the back seat because the American Pediatric Association says it’s best to have them sit in the backseat until age 13… and then she’d gently noted that her child is not yet 13 and sits in the passenger seat. Gah. When I KNOW that she is a wonderful, thoughtful parent and also know that MANY of my kid’s cohort sit in the front seat of their parents’ cars, for a wide variety of reasons I cannot begin to know because I am not them. (ALSO, lest you have a moment of panic about your own car-seating choices, the APA data on why age thirteen is a magical turning point for kids suddenly being safe to sit in the front seat is not super persuasive! I have read it!) 

Okay – there are obviously some parenting choices that are less safe than others; if we’re talking about an infant in the front seat, that would be different; if we’re talking about a child riding in a car without restraints, that would be different. But there are SO MANY things that have NO SINGLE RIGHT WAY and yet some people seem incapable of understanding that there are many equally fine ways to do a thing. 

This comes up every time I mention that my daughter needs melatonin to fall asleep. People have strong feelings about melatonin! As they should! And yet I have Reasons – and have carefully considered the angles and have consulted with multiple physicians and continually revisit whether it’s a good idea in our particular case for our particular child. It’s just so frustrating when someone says, “I would never give my kid melatonin” or “If she’s tired enough, she’ll fall asleep on her own” or “She clearly needs more physical activity during the day, that’ll help her sleep” as though they know. 

And this happens with everything! I have had people scold me for allowing my child to wash her own hair. Does she do a great job? Not particularly. But am I weighing Other Factors? YES. The ways we judge one another are endless! Food – frequency, type, preparation. Buying clothing at Target vs upscale department stores. Bedtime. Age-appropriate chores/responsibilities. Sleepovers. Access to devices. 

Screen time is a big one. For my particular kid, screens are a no-go on weekdays. There are REASONS for this. Do I despise screens? Not really, no. Would I love to be able to set her up with a TV show after school while I make dinner? Sure! Would it be much more convenient if I could say yes to her playing a video game after she does her homework? Definitely. BUT IT DOES NOT WORK FOR US. I have no concerns about YOUR family’s screen time choices. None! If your kid has unlimited screen time every day, I am sure that is a choice you made based on what’s best for your kid and your family. (Please note that I am aware too much screen time can have a negative impact on children. I am not advocating setting your three-year-old in front of a screen all day every day, although of course there are still probably Reasons someone might make that choice! Like if that is the only way you can work the job that allows you to feed your family or if you are so sick or pregnant you cannot do anything else or all sorts of other situations I know nothing about.) If you ask me about screen time for my kid, I am neither judging you for your own screen time limits nor inviting you to say, “Come on, an hour of Netflix after school isn’t going to hurt anyone.” 

I know I cannot SOLVE this problem, and all I can do is surround myself with people who say things like, “This is what we have found works for us,” and who don’t make black-and-white accusatory statements about what I SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be doing without having all the information I am trying to balance, but I am SO SICK OF IT. Listen. I am not saying that I am completely free of judgment. We all judge one another, to some extent, because usually we think our choices are The Right Ones. But… I try really hard to acknowledge that we all have different value systems and different priorities and that, mostly, we are all trying our very best. Also, we can all judge one another SILENTLY. It is hard enough to be a parent, turning to other parents for support about choices that you have made based on Reasons but maybe you aren’t really sure are the BEST choices, as in my case with the melatonin, you are just doing the best you can with the information you have, without having someone who is not an expert, especially on YOUR CHILD, say you are Doing It Wrong. 

Wow. I really got fired up about that. MOVING ON.

3. Accidental laundry efficiency hack? Laundry is my nemesis. I am pretty good about sorting the clothing into piles, and pretty good about putting the piles into the washing machine and washing them. I am less good about remembering to dry the freshly washed clothing, and then really terrible about folding the clothing. Yesterday, I had two loads of clean, dry laundry to fold and I was dreading it. I had a little more than twenty minutes before I needed to leave to pick up Carla from school and I just wanted to finish my book. So I made a deal with myself: I would set my timer for six minutes, and fold laundry until the timer went off. Then I would go read for fifteen minutes. Even a little progress on the laundry would make me feel better about it, I reasoned. Plus, sometimes if you get started on an onerous task, momentum will carry you through. I set my timer for six minutes, started folding… and FINISHED BOTH LOADS IN SIX MINUTES. How is that possible? In my head, folding laundry takes HOURS. But two loads took six minutes! (To be fair, I don’t fold all of Carla’s clothes, because a lot of them hang up in her closet. Also, I only put away my own laundry – my husband and Carla ostensibly move their clothes from my bed to their own drawers/hangers.) It was an astonishing and bolstering discovery. Has this new knowledge prompted me to fold the clean and dry load of laundry that is currently hanging out in the dryer? No, it has not.

4. How about a little mid-February giveaway? Amazon has issued me a refund for a product I did not return. I ordered a book and have not returned it; it’s right next to me as I type this. Nor have I returned anything else. And yet I got an email from Amazon saying they had processed my refund. I would like to pay for a product I received and kept, so I looked online at my options… and the only option I found (“cancel my return”) simply took me in a loop back to the returns page. I was able to chat with an associate, and they said I could keep the item. Seems like the perfect excuse to do a little giveaway. I have $14.40 in money that I should not have, which is the perfect amount for a paperback book that you’ve been meaning to read for a few years but haven’t gotten around to. If you want the chance to get a free paperback book, and are willing to share your address with me, let me know in the comments what backlist book you would order. I will randomly choose someone and send them the book of their choice, compliments of Amazon. Unfortunately, I will only be able to include US readers in this mini giveaway, which is a huge bummer. But if you are from outside the US, I am still interested in whatever backlist book you have been meaning to read but haven’t gotten to yet. Let’s say this giveaway is open until midnight on Monday, February 19 or until Feedly decides to say I wrote this post, whichever comes LAST.

5. I am suffering from home maintenance burnout. This past fall, when we moved to our new house, we had to do so many things, some elective, others more urgent… and I grew so very weary of all of them.  But that doesn’t mean we are DONE with the home maintenance issues. I feel like they continue to pile up. This includes things I knew about last year that I intentionally put off until the spring (getting a tree cut back, finding a pool person, getting our air ducts cleaned, looking into the carpenter bees issue with our roof) as well as things that have cropped up in the interim (some electrical issues, a leak in our furnace, also our furnace is making a weird noise, our doorbell is caput). But I am having such a mental block to doing the things. Maybe if I write about it here, the guilt and self-consciousness will spur me to schedule at least one of them? Maybe I need to apply my laundry efficiency hack to making home maintenance phone calls, somehow? (Except they always drag on so much longer than they should, and require research and multiple phone calls and visits. This is part of the problem.)

That’s all I have for today, Internet. Hope you have a wonderful weekend! 

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Five Food Related Topics for Friday

1. First Attempt at Tuna Salad: Bolstered by everyone’s suggestions Monday, I bought some solid white tuna and made tuna salad. I used the America’s Test Kitchen recipe as a jumping off point, and then added red bell pepper. I also substituted pickle juice for pickles (I don’t like pickles in my tuna salad, although I do like celery and red onion), ignored the request that I add fresh parsley (parsley can die in a fire), and squeezed on some lemon juice. I also add capers to my sandwich before eating, although I don’t like mixing capers into the tuna salad itself for reasons I haven’t fully excavated from my soul. I sort of squinted so that the tuna in the can was blurry, and then added it to a mixing bowl and immediately put the other ingredients on top of it and stirred everything together so I didn’t have to think about the color of the tuna. It turned out okay. I think the tuna salad I love has more mayonnaise than I am willing to add to my own tuna salad, because I ostensibly don’t like mayonnaise. 

Next time, I will use more mayonnaise and less mustard; I can put mustard on the bread. I also want to make this mini focaccia because I like tuna salad on focaccia. 

2. Finger Food: In addition to tuna salad, I have been thinking about food a lot this week because we are having guests for the Super Bowl. There is almost nothing I like better than an excuse to make a bunch of fun and tasty appetizers that can be eaten in front of the TV.

We are having two guests, which brings the total of people who will presumably be eating food to five, although counting Carla is probably dumb because she will only eat chips and guacamole, nothing else. (She asked me to buy TWO bags of Lays and TWO bags of Tostitos because she is anticipating a LOT of chip eating.) Keep that in mind as I lay out all the many, many things I am slavering over. We will probably do one of the below things, plus some veggies. Our guests are bringing meatballs. And my husband is making seven layer dip (with taco meat and without olives) because that is the food that is calling to his heart. 

• Air Fryer Bang Bang Salmon Bites: At various points my Instagram feed seems FULL of people making delicious looking salmon bites in the air fryer. I would love to try these and they seem perfect for a party. 

• Bunless Cheeseburger Bites: These are adorable and they have the added benefits of being carb-free AND something that Carla would potentially eat. I am not crazy about making burgers in a frying pan though… if only I had additional air fryers to call into service.
• 
  Air Fryer Buffalo Cauliflower: I am not much for buffalo wings, but I do love spicy cauliflower.

• Mini Crabcakes: I really, really want to eat some crabcakes on Sunday and found a package of mini ones in my grocery store’s freezer section. But the price is deterring me. I could make them on my own. But… after the cost of crab claw meat and then making them myself, I wonder if it might not come out to more hassle than it’s worth?

• Air Fryer Artichoke Hearts: Why does this sound so delicious??? I think only I and one of our guests will eat these, so probably they won’t make the final cut. But I am eyeing them!

• Endive with Goat Cheese and Candied Nuts: I had this appetizer at a party a million years ago and it was so fresh and delicious and it is VERY EASY to make. You dollop some goat cheese on an endive leaf, add a few candied nuts, and then drizzle with balsamic reduction. This recipe that includes blood oranges sounds appealing, too. 

• Spinach Artichoke Zucchini Bites: YUM. If I can find some pre-made spinach and artichoke dip at the grocery store, I might do these in addition to whatever else I choose. 

Are you planning to watch the Super Bowl? If so, what kind of snacks do you hope to eat? If not, what’s your favorite party appetizer to make or eat? 

3. Valentine’s Sweets: The Super Bowl will be followed closely by Valentine’s Day. Carla is SO INTO Valentine’s Day this year, and I love it. She and I scrolled through a billion options online for her to buy for her classmates and then she also made everyone a friendship bracelet. She filled all of them out the day they arrived in the mail. She also wanted a special Valentine’s Day outfit, and, while we were unable to track down the ideal dress she had in her mind (which I think was a floor length gown of tulle and sequins, which I expressly said she could not wear to school), we did find some adorable pink clothing at Target that she has already set aside for The Day. 

This is all to say that I am very into making Valentine’s cookies this year. I really want to make two kinds of cookies. Well, in reality, I want to make three or more kinds of cookies and then make up Valentine’s Day cookie plates for all our neighbors but that seems a little extra even for me. So I have reined it in to two varieties. I am pretty sure I want to make these stripey heart cookies because they are darling. However, I have made them in the past and if memory and my blog serve me, they were somewhat prettier than they were delicious. 

I definitely want to make something chocolate. Carla’s old standby is the chocolate snickerdoodle, which I think is delicious and also fun because it is unusual. But my husband isn’t a huge fan of them. Perhaps these brownie crinkle cookies would be good instead? The idea of a brownie in cookie form is delightful. These cinnamon cookies with Red Hots are very appealing to me as well, not in small part because they have cream cheese frosting and I adore a frosted cookie. But I’m not sure where I would find Red Hots? They aren’t something I’ve seen in awhile. I have been tossing around the idea of making raspberry macarons. I haven’t made macarons in a long while and they are delicious and festive. (But also kind of fussy.)

I could always go the cupcake route instead of cookies. Carla has been talking about Nutella quite a bit lately, and these strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate cupcakes are filled with Nutella. I would vastly prefer to make vanilla cupcakes with raspberry filling and raspberry buttercream – but maybe if I make the Nutella ones I won’t eat them all. 

If you make sweets especially for Valentine’s Day, what is your favorite?

4. Grocery Store Swap: Since I have successfully reintroduced yogurt into my diet (hooray!!!!) I have been testing out different yogurt varietals. My current favorite is the Fage 0% blended cherry yogurt. (I cannot stand fruit on the bottom yogurt.) But I can only find it at one specific grocery store, so I have completed rejiggered my shopping schedule to make that store my preferred store. Fortunately, it is near my friend’s house, and we usually go to her house once a week for a writing session, so it’s not wildly out of the way. But I feel slightly neurotic for rearranging my grocery shopping life around yogurt. It’s better than going to multiple stores, right?  

5. Feedly: Okay, so this isn’t TECHNICALLY food-related. But I have been noticing that Feedly is increasingly unreliable. I completely missed a post by Nicole yesterday because it didn’t show up in my feed. Sometimes people’s posts show up late or three times in a row. Sometimes I will see a week’s worth of posts all in a row, as though someone posted them all in one day. A few commenters have noted that some of my posts don’t show up until a day or two later. (Edited to add: I follow my own blog on Feedly and as of 6:00 pm on Friday, my post still has not shown up in my feed. SIGH.)

This all sounds like a really good argument to finally add an old-school style blog roll to my blog, so I don’t miss anyone’s posts. I have been thinking about doing it for a long time, more than a YEAR… but haven’t, mainly because I’m afraid of missing someone and hurting feelings. But that’s silly, right? If I miss your blog, you will know it’s purely a brain failure and not that I don’t adore you and your blog? And you will alert me immediately? My current “systems” – the unreliable Feedly or having everyone’s blogs bookmarked in a browser – are not working. And I don’t want to miss your posts!

How are you keeping up with the blogs you follow?

That’s all I’ve got for this Friday, Internet. Hope you have a delicious weekend. 

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Seven on a Saturday

The weather report SWEARS we will have sunshine this weekend, but so far the only sun I’ve seen was this past Thursday. It’s early yet, but the clouds are not filling my heart with hope. The pervasive grey is inspiring nothing but an intense desire to curl up in bed and read murder mysteries, but let’s try some random bullet points and see what comes of it. 

• A Little Light Shopping. Speaking of my unending desire to read: I continue to buy new books while simultaneously continuing to reread Sophie Hannah’s Culver Valley mystery series, which I already own. (I am on Book 10, The Next to Die, out of 11 so far.) My husband is baffled by my insistence on reading old books when I have so many shiny new ones to hand. But it makes sense to me. I get to indulge in a series I adore (I am finding that I am enjoying these all on a reread even more than I did the first time, although I do find myself weary of Charlie and Simon’s relationship). Plus, I get to fill my book shelves with happy little treats to look forward to. Best of all worlds! 

• Light Therapy. I went outside for a walk four days this week, which is more than I’ve been able to muster lately. I KNOW that being outside, in the fresh air, surrounded by birdsong and trees, boosts my mental health. But sometimes it’s just HARD to do the thing. My parents go for a walk outside pretty much every single day, rain or shine or snow or sleet, and that’s deeply inspiring to me. But STILL. Wanting to do the thing, knowing the thing is good for me and will make me feel better, does not always lead to Doing The Thing. 

Thursday, we had actual honest-to-goodness sun and I made sure to take advantage of it. I walked around my neighborhood and came upon an older woman walking ahead of me. She was all bundled up in a winter jacket and gloves, hood pulled up over her hair. I tried to do all the things I could think of to alert her of my presence – scraping my feet on the gravel, coughing – but when she turned around (I was still a good ten feet behind her) she jumped and said “Oh!” in a startled way. I apologized for scaring her and we chatted for a few minutes. During which time she told me I needed to COVER UP. (I was wearing long pants and a long-sleeved sweatshirt; it was nearly 50 degrees.) Turns out she was concerned not about cold but about skin cancer, about which I am not cavalier, I promise. But I also need those sun rays to soak into my skin and stimulate all that yummy vitamin D production (I have no idea what I’m talking about, just to be clear). I assured her I was wearing sunscreen but I probably should be better about wearing a hat to protect my scalp. 

• Light Switches: My dad and I replaced some faulty light switches this week, which is one of those projects that feels SO thrilling to complete. It was surprisingly easy, once I got past the fear of electrocuting myself. (We turned off the power before we opened things up; I hope that is obvious.) Our next project will be to install some light fixtures in the furnace room, which is bafflingly lightless. To that end, one of my purchases this week was a roll of copper wiring. My future as an electrician grows ever closer.

• Fake Light. I have been encouraged by a trusted professional to look into buying myself a light therapy lamp. This does not mean I have been diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder – I have not; and when I looked at the reviews of SAD lamps she sent me, I became perhaps overly concerned by the stern warning that only people who have SAD or who are under direction from a medical professional should use one of these lamps. And then a friend, who recently HAS been diagnosed with SAD, said she just started using a light therapy lamp and is having awful side effects – headaches and sleep loss. So now I don’t know what to do. Should I buy this lamp and hope for the best??? Or ramp up my efforts to be outside every day?

• Lumos! While we’re apparently on the inexhaustible topic of lighting, one of my favorite things are the smart plugs my husband installed on all of our lamps. I can either ask Siri to turn on the lights or use my phone to turn them on, and it’s delightful. So I can be finished reading in bed and just say, sleepily, “Siri, turn off my bedroom lights” and the lamps will extinguish. Or I can be carrying my book and a full mug of tea down the hall and call out to the Echo in the kitchen, “Siri, turn on my office light” and it will be on when I reach my comfy chair. It makes me feel a teeny bit like I live in Hogwarts. 

• Light of My Life: My husband, daughter, and I went out to dinner recently, and Carla was enamored with the paintings on the wall. She insisted on taking my phone so she could preserve her memory of the paintings for infinity. (She will never look at these photos again.) She is such a delight. 

• Lightening the Mood. A friend sent me this clip of an SNL spoof on Stanley mugs. When I subsequently saw this display of Josh wine at Target, I cracked up. Get in there, Josh.

I am off to meet a friend, which is one of the best ways to illuminate these cloudy days; the prospect of seeing her has been a bright beacon to get me through yet another gloomy week. 

I hope your weekend is full of light in many forms. 

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Six on a Saturday

Boring But Hopeful Health Updates. I am going to say this very quietly, lest I jinx it: but I think that I can eat yogurt again? I have been avoiding dairy since May (which is not the same as giving it up; I still put half and half in my tea, I eat occasional sour cream and occasionally throw a dollop of yogurt onto stir fries and have had the occasional scoop of ice cream) after my acupuncturist suggested it might be negatively impacting my skin. My dermatologist was receptive to this idea and thought, based on some semi-related studies he’d read, that it could be exacerbating my rosacea. Based on some very non-scientific experimentation, it SEEMED true. There was a week when I ate white bean enchilada soup every day for lunch and my skin freaked out, for instance. And there is milk and yogurt in that soup (it is a fantastic soup), so I blamed the dairy. When I avoid dairy, I am mostly okay. I do also have to use a special face wash, though, so maybe that’s what’s keeping the bulk of the rosacea at bay. My family and I went on a weekend getaway recently and I decided to throw caution to the wind and eat some yogurt for breakfast every day. Nothing happened, skin wise. So when we got home from our mini-vacay, I continued to buy and eat yogurt. I have been doing it for several weeks now and things seem stable??? I am so hopeful about this, because I LOVE yogurt. It is delicious but it is also such a fantastic source of protein, especially since I dislike eggs. 

My usual breakfast of late: SmartLite bread with almond butter and honey, yogurt, and tea.

Now I am whispering so softly my voice is but a rustle: my plantar fasciitis seems like it is under control??? I don’t know what happened or when, but my feet just feel… better??? I am continuing to wear shoes in the house and I do calf stretches every night before bed but… I haven’t been to the acupuncturist in two months and I don’t feel like I need to make another appointment.

Puzzling Gynecological Visit. While we’re on the topic of health, why not discuss my recent visit to the gyn? I did promise Ally some speculum content, but I am immediately going to break that promise because there was no speculum involved. This wasn’t the puzzling part; current gynecological guidelines recommend that most people with a uterus have a pap test every 3 years as part of a screening for cervical cancer, and I’m not due for a pap until next year. However, I was there for my yearly reproductive parts exam. In years past, this has included a pelvic exam, a breast exam, and a discussion of my health concerns. This year, the nurse got me situated in a room and asked if I would be okay having a resident take part in the exam. 

The resident was lovely. Great bedside manner, seemed very knowledgeable about my questions (which were specific to breast cancer and perimenopause). She asked if I needed any prescriptions renewed (yes) and whether I wanted her to order a mammogram for me (yes). But then she finished the talking portion of the visit and said that the exam was optional. What????? OPTIONAL? I didn’t know what to do with that information! Listen, I think we’d be hard pressed to find anyone who ENJOYS a pelvic or breast exam. They are invasive and embarrassing and uncomfortable. But… the exam is the purpose of the annual gynecological well visit! If I just wanted a refill of birth control pills, I could simply call that in! I came to the office specifically so that the doctor could poke and prod my bits and tell me if anything was wrong! 

What I should have said was, “Of course I want an exam, that’s why I’m here.” But I got flustered when the resident gave me the option. Part of me, I think, was a little embarrassed to ask that she examine me. Which is dumb, because that is her job, and, again, WHY I WAS THERE, but I still felt like it was weird to request it, if it was optional. So I said, “Well, what do you recommend?” And instead of saying, “I recommend you get your reproductive parts examined” she said, “It’s up to you.” WHAT?! That is not a recommendation. We hemmed and hawed a little bit, and finally I said something like, “Well, I came here prepared for a physical exam, so I might as well do it.” But the whole thing was weird and awkward. 

And also: WHAT THE HELL? A) Why is the physical exam suddenly optional? And B) What is the point of the annual gynecological exam if there is no exam? The whole experience was baffling. 

Speaking of Perimenopause. A ridiculous spate of hot flashes has had me in a bit of a fret about whether I am beginning perimenopause. Doesn’t seem likely, considering my family history, but who really knows, right? There is a fine line between The Normal Joys of Having a Female Reproductive System and going through The Change. The gynecological resident reassured me, if a little dismissively, that I am too young for perimenopause and then moving along to other topics. Maybe so (although I am 42, so it’s not wildly out of the realm of possibility), but it’s something I want to prepare myself for, so I’m thinking about it now. I am listening to Hot and Bothered: What No One Tells You About Menopause (and How to Feel Like Yourself Again) by Jancee Dunn so it’s top of mind. The book is engagingly written – I like Dunn’s energetic voice and humorous/informative writing style. It seems like she did her research, and there are tons of practical tips for how to address various symptoms of menopause. But the book makes me so uncomfortable! In some cases, the physical discomfort is so severe that I find myself squirming in my car. Dunn is careful to interject, not infrequently, that not every person will experience every symptom, that a lot of people go through menopause with nary a hot flash. But this book covers the whole spectrum of menopause issues, so the whole thing feels REALLY OMINOUS. Yikes.  

Nature Is Healing. This is probably something I should say very quietly, as well, lest I scare it away, but it seems like sriracha is gradually making its way back into the world. Sriracha – specifically Huy Fong sriracha – is my favorite of all condiments. It would be one of my desert island foods, for SURE. I love it so very much. So I have been keeping an eye out for it in the years since its production has dwindled and have built myself a little stockpile. (There was a moment when I got down to one bottle and tried a bunch of alternatives to see if there was something else I could live with. No, there isn’t. So I have gradually replenished my stores.) I’ve almost always been able to get it on Amazon, although there were a few months this past spring when it was unavailable except for ridiculous prices. (Will I pay $17 per 14-ounce bottle? Yes, it turns out, I will, but that’s pretty much my limit.) But then I noticed it was readily available in Asian grocery stores. I made myself a deal that if I saw sriracha on the shelves, I would buy one bottle. That didn’t seem excessive. When I saw sriracha at Wegman’s recently, I bought a bottle. THEN I saw it at Target and bought another bottle. But this week, even my local grocery store had a small supply of sriracha! I did not buy a bottle; hopefully that won’t prove to be a mistake. Anyway. I am really cautiously optimistic about sriracha being BACK because I love it so much. 

I may have a wee bit of an addiction.

Wedding Gift Ideas? My hair stylist just got engaged. We have talked about her wedding for almost the entirety of my past two hair appointments. To be clear, I LOVE talking about weddings and wedding planning and enjoyed this line of conversation THOROUGHLY. Am I hoping that she has a baby immediately after she gets married, so we can talk about pregnancy and then babies and then parenting?! YES, with all my heart. She’s always a delight to talk to, but I much prefer this stuff to the usual “what are you doing this weekend, what kind of travel is coming up this year, what are you watching” kind of chitchat, which is pleasant but requires a lot of effort and doesn’t fuel my soul like wedding and baby talk. 

I have distracted myself. She is getting married and I want to buy her a wedding present. However. While I have a very well-developed generous impulse, I have a more well-developed gift giving anxiety that makes the whole thing gift giving process more complicated than it should be. I have several months to fret over and prepare for and acquire this gift but it would be really nice if I had A Real Idea instead of considering and discarding ideas for months and never buying anything and throwing some cash at her at the last minute. Maybe cash is the best gift! But a) I get the strong impression that her fiancé is loaded so she wants for nothing and b) she has been my hair stylist for several years now and I like her immensely and I would love to get her something more personal. Do I… ask her if she’s registered somewhere? I kind of think no, considering she and her spouse-to-be are established adults and live in a fully stocked house… but maybe? She likes alcohol, music (although her taste in music is very specific), travel, cats, Christmas, football. Maybe I could get her something she could take on her honeymoon? (Which will be to a tropical island type place.) But what would that be? I will see her again at least once before she gets married, so I could presumably ask her pointed questions to dig up additional information.  

HALP.

Persistent Grey. After our bout of snow and cold, we have now returned to abnormally warm temperatures and the persistent grey that weighs so heavily on my soul in the winter time. Yuck. For a few days, the grey seemed intent on inserting itself as forcefully into our lives as possible by way of fog. Fog is eerie and beautiful. But I am so ready to say goodbye to January and get on toward spring. February is my favorite month because it goes so quickly and then it’s practically spring and we can look forward to longer days and blooming flowers and BLUE SKIES. 

My poor photography skills don’t adequately capture how much it felt like being in an (the) Emily Bronte novel.

What’s on your mind this weekend?

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Friday Randomosity: Snow Day Shopping and Request for Recommendations Edition

Due to a series of events, some planned and others not, last weekend was a five-day weekend, followed by one day of school, and now we have begun a three-day weekend. Keep in mind that our two-week winter break ended a mere two weeks ago.

I adore my child. And yet. This is not ideal. 

• Do you have a planner you love? I think I might need to become A Person Who Uses A Planner, and I don’t really know where to start. I have looked through planners on recent trips to Barnes & Noble, Target, and Joann Fabric. There is no dearth of options, which is probably what’s tripping me up. All I have been able to settle on is that I don’t want a bullet journal. I have a feeling the people in our blogging community have Strong Planner Feelings, though, so I am hoping you will direct me to The One True Planner.
• Speaking of planning, I am floundering when it comes to finding a workable structure to my days and I keep wanting to post about it (and beg you for advice) but I worry it is too boring a topic? 
• I can now add “dismantling a doorbell” to my list of skills I never thought I’d need. A month or so ago, our doorbell started making a weird buzzing noise. It did this intermittently for a day or two and then stopped. But then it started again on Monday! And continued buzzing every ten or so seconds, directly outside my office. Fortunately, my doorbell was very low wattage, so it was easy to disconnect the wires from the buzz-causing things they were attached to (I added “doorbell dismantling” to my skillset, not “doorbell understanding”), wrap the exposed wires in electrical tape, and close the whole thing up again. I suppose I will soon be adding “replacing a doorbell” to my list of skills.
• Snow days are kind of boring these days. We used to do a LOT during snow days of yesteryear – probably I whined, then, about not being able to have time to myself; am impossible to please – Carla loved the snow and seemed entirely impervious to the cold. We’d play outside and make snow angels and build things out of snow and she’d climb up the snow mountains formed by the snowplow. Now, she has no interest. And also it is QUITE chilly so I’m not really pushing for outdoor time. She is similarly uninterested in: watching movies, baking things, playing games, reading, doing chores/homework/instrument practice. So. Screens it is, I guess? “More screens,” I should say, since this is – checks notes – Day 6 of being mainly inside. Maybe there’s a craft we could do together? But that requires having the appropriate tools/materials on hand. Or maybe I just need to lean into the screens thing and read some of the blogs I’ve been neglecting???? 
• To counteract the cold this week, I made a really good lentil soup. It was based on this recipe, with some major modifications. Instead of crushed tomato, I used a 4-ounce can of tomato paste. I didn’t have much paprika, so threw in a half teaspoon of cayenne instead. I tripled the garlic because that’s how I roll. I used an entire bag of lentils, rather than 2 cups (I think it was about 2 ½ cups, but I didn’t measure; I just didn’t want a little useless scrap of lentils lying around). And I used two 4-cup cartons of chicken stock to compensate for the lack of tomatoes and the additional lentils. It is delicious and hearty. 
• To pair with the soup, I toasted some store-bought sourdough. Except our toaster has joined the throngs of quiet quitters and is now declining to toast, so I broiled the bread in the oven and it got all black and smoky. Clearly I need a new toaster. I am tempted to replace our toaster with the exact same model – this one lasted at least a decade, after all – but maybe you have a toaster you are gaga about?
• As long as I’m dabbling in some online shopping, I would also love to buy a travel mug for my tea. This has never been a thing I’ve wanted before, as I drink my tea first thing in the morning and I gulp it down so fast it barely has a chance to cool. But for various boring reasons I think I might prefer to drink my tea while driving Carla to school. I’ve borrowed one of my husband’s to-go mugs for this purpose, and it’s fine – it keeps my tea warm, it fits in my car’s cup holder, it holds the enormous volume of tea I drink – but I want my own mug. Perhaps more importantly, I’ve found that unless I’m very careful, the tea will slosh up over my face when I’m lowering the mug after taking a sip. I do not care for that. My main criteria for a travel mug, in addition to the above, is that it is dishwasher safe. And I don’t mean the wishy-washy “well, you can dishwash it, but we don’t recommend it.” I mean, it is MEANT for the dishwasher. This one looks good, and it comes in purple and doesn’t seem to have any tiny parts I have to dismantle before dishwashing. This is the one my husband has used for years – and has repurchased several times when one mug goes missing or gets dropped one too many times. But I don’t like the lid and I can’t explain why. This one is so pretty, and I feel more kindly toward ceramic as a material than I do toward stainless steel… but the dishwashability seems a little suspect. (How can the product care instructions be “machine wash” but also “hand wash only”?) What is your hot drink to-go mug of choice?
• I am having a frustrating email communication issue with someone. The communication is not optional, but it feels very one-sided, with me reaching out and waiting for days and then sending a nudge and then also getting a third party involved to nudge from a different direction. And now the person I am communicating with has finally responded and said they would attach a document I need in order to move forward, but they did not attach this document and have not responded to my request to resend the attachment. I guess the only next step is a phone call, which I HATE, but it seems like it might be my only recourse. 
• Trader Joe’s Italian truffle cheese is my new favorite cheese. It’s soft and truffley and pairs so well with a buttery Ritz cracker that I’m thinking of having some for second breakfast. 
• Twice in the past three weeks I have borked my back doing strength training. The first time, I have no idea what I did to injure my back. I could barely move for the first day and then sitting and driving were agony for three or four consecutive days. I treated the pain with ice and Advil. This time, I think I injured it either doing squats with weights or back rows. My best guess is that I tweaked my back doing the squats and then the back rows exacerbated the injury to the point where I had to quit. I love squats so I feel quite bereft at the thought of not doing them for awhile. I’m guessing something in my form is off? Maybe I need to hold the weights at my chest instead of at my sides during squats? I don’t know. Immediately after my back tweaked out (I was in the middle of this routine, where we were doing 100 reps each of squats, pushups, kettlebell swings, and back rows. Very frustrating to have to quit at 50 of each! Will I ever know if I could have done 100???), I did a series of back stretches, then took Advil and iced my back. It feels much less painful today than it did the last time I hurt it. This is an extremely boring bullet point, but I am including it for Future Me, who is bound to repeat this injury at some point. 
• Are you watching the newest season of True Detective? There’s only been one episode so far, but I keep thinking about it and eagerly awaiting the next one. It’s got Jodie Foster and Alaska and supernatural elements and mysterious deaths and disappearances. SO GOOD. I haven’t felt this excited about a TV show in a long time. 

That’s all I have for today, Internet. I am going to try to cajole Carla into doing some sort of screen free activity with me. Brownies, maybe? Who can resist brownies?

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Three Things Thursday

Let’s face it, Three Things Thursday is just Randomosity in a different jacket. 

Tonight is the last night of NaBloPoMo, and I am here not through gumption or grit but through gin. 

1. Kids and Homework: My daughter attends a cushy private school and this is the first year that she has had homework. (I know.) (I was a public school kid; it is very different.) Being a parent while your child works on school projects is its own kind of challenge. You want to be supportive but also encouraging. You want to make sure your kid does their assignments but you want them to have their own autonomy and also you don’t want to exert undue pressure. You want to be available to offer help or support but you don’t want to hover. IT IS VERY CHALLENGING. My husband came to the dinner table tonight and hissed that one of the sentences my daughter wrote didn’t make sense, and he tried to talk it through with her, and she decided to leave it as it was. As a Straight A Student, Ivy League Educated Physician, this is VERY DIFFICULT. But. As his mother kindly pointed out: It is our job as parents to support and encourage. It is the TEACHERS’ job to correct and instruct. 
2. Cooking for Not My Immediate Family: I made salmon and green beans and potatoes. I followed a recipe. Everything was cooked but it was not great. My husband, who is to-a-fault honest about these things, gave a shoulder-shrugging “meh” when I mouthed “how is it?” across the table to him. And, sadly, I agree. I HATE THAT. I want to be The Best Cook. I want my in laws to go home and talk about my cooking. I want them to request my recipes. I want my mother-in-law to brag about how great a cook her daughter-in-law is when she plays majohng. But the truth is, I am a mediocre home cook. My husband and I have a few recipes we jointly love, and the rest are just meh or winging it. And that’s got to be okay, even if it hurts my ego. The other problem I have is in not having ANY CLUE how much food to make for more people than my husband and myself. I think he and I tend to eat pretty giant portions, so maybe that skews things? But I made WAY too much food. Like, we are going to have to eat multiples of this exact same (mediocre) meal before all the leftovers are gone too much food. I have literally no idea how to figure out the right amount of food to cook. Recipes are no help. One person’s six portions is another person’s three.
3. Introverting Hard: Tonight, my husband was falling asleep, my father-in-law was falling asleep, and my mother-in-law was on the phone, so I nudged my husband and told him I was going to bed. Yes, it was 9:10 pm. He narrowed his sleepy eyes at me and said, “But you aren’t really going to bed, are you.” This is after having come into our bedroom last night 45 minutes or so after I’d excused myself to go to bed, and I was sitting in our bedroom typing on the computer. I NEED TIME TO MYSELF, MAN. How does he not know this, after 15 years of marriage and 22 years of being together???? I am worn out! The thing is, I had a FABULOUS day. My in laws were out of the house all day, doing whatever it is they do when they visit. My husband was able to pick up my daughter from school. I had nearly unadulterated alone time from 9:00 to 5:00 and it was BEAUTIFUL. So why, after a mere two hours with my in laws, am I ready to throw in the towel and secrete myself away in my bedroom? Because I am the introvertest of introverts, I guess. 

Well. That’s all I’ve got tonight, Internet. Thanks for sticking with me, these past 30 days of NaBloPoMo. I cannot promise to post tomorrow, but I am sure I will be back soon with inane topics to discuss. In the meantime, I appreciate you for reading. And thank you, so much, to San for leading the charge.

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Tuesday Randomosity: Last Minute Edition

Today was a snow day and also my houseguests arrived, so you will forgive me for showing up so late to the NaBloPoMo party. I am wrung out from Being With People all day, even if those people are people I love and I just want to curl up in a dark, quiet room for awhile.

Here are a few very random things floating around in my brain tonight.

1. My windshield needs to be replaced. On my brand new car. Well, the car isn’t so much brand new anymore (although it’s still pretty effing new), but the crack in the windshield started when I hadn’t yet had it a month. Due to the placement (central) and intensity (intense) of the crack, the entire windshield needs replacing, which means that I will be submitting an insurance claim for the very first time in my life. I called my insurance office, and the person I spoke to transferred me to some sort of claims call center, and the claims call center person took my information and said they would contact my “shop of choice” (the dealership, because this car is leased; they will only allow me to replace the windshield with factory glass). Then I didn’t hear anything for three weeks and today I got a voicemail and two emails and my husband also got two emails. All of which said that they had not been able to contact my “shop of choice” and I need to submit a bill or estimate. So… I just get the windshield replaced, right? Like, I don’t really have a choice, right? The insurance company will either cover it or they won’t; I can’t really get a second opinion when I am bound by the terms of my lease to use factory glass. I feel very out of my depth here. 
2. I have finally learned how to wash my face without drenching my entire body. As with most things in life she chooses to comment on, Nicole has turned out to be right about face washing. (Elisabeth: look away.) Due to a combination of laziness and misplacing my stash of washcloths during the move, I have been resorting to washing my face with my hands for the past several months and I am not going back. It is so much better! The key, I have found, is to keep my arms perpendicular to the sink rather than parallel, as I originally thought. I was trying to wash my face with my elbows jutted out to the sides, to prevent water from sluicing down my wrists. But it wasn’t working. Turns out it was the arm position! In trying to prevent the cascading water, I was making it worse! Even though it’s counterintuitive, at least to me, a person who overthinks all things, keeping my elbows close to my trunk really keeps the water from splashing me all over. Today, I even washed my face whilst wearing a long sleeved shirt and my sleeves did not get wet. At all. And now I don’t have to deal with pesky washcloths! Woo!
3. What is the best book you’ve read lately? I am listening to The Paper Palace in the car, and it’s interesting enough. The writing is good. Through no fault of its own, however, it is the third? fourth? book I’ve read in recent months that takes place at a beach house, and I’m a little weary of the whole situation. Adultery, swimming, complex family relationships, quaint cottages – it’s all kind of blurring together for me into one endless story and I need a fresh storyline. Probably doesn’t help things that all the names kind of bleed into one another: Happy Place, The Summer Place, Same Time Next Summer. Which book am I reading again? Speaking of books with similar titles: Physical book reading has been extremely infrequent since the move, although I did get a wild hare over the weekend to reread The Secret Place by Tana French and I am loving it even more on a reread than I did when I first read it in 2014. Anyway: what non-beach-house book should I listen to next? 

That’s all I can do tonight, Internet. Catch you on the flippety flop.

I am kinda sorta attempting to complete NaBloPoMo, with the full expectation that life will make it impossible any day now. If you want to follow along, or join the fun, check out San’s blog here. 

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