As has become my start-of-year habit, I am going to list out some gentle aspirations that Today Me believes are important to pursue in the new year. I recognize that Today Me and End of December 2023 Me may have different priorities, so I am not forcing anything on either of us. This may sound wishy-washy, and it is. I do like to strive to make improvements in my life, where possible. But sometimes, my best guesses at what will make my life seem better or easier or more fulfilling don’t result in improving anything, in which case they were fun experiments. Sometimes, they become real upgrades in my life, a source of happiness or pride or relief. I wonder which of the following will turn out to be which?
I broke these aspirations into categories, and there are quite a lot of them. That doesn’t daunt me; I’m guessing a few of them will naturally drop off as I complete them or forget about them completely.
Personal / Self Improvement
- Aspiration: Read 70 books. I read 86 books in 2022 and 74 in 2021, so I think this is doable. I don’t see my reading habits changing a whole lot, although there are of course the unplanned and agonizing reading slumps that happen every now and again. If I only read 50, I will be fine with that.
- Aspiration: Get a massage. My mother-in-law got me a massage gift certificate for my birthday in 2020 that I have not yet used for, I hope, obvious reasons. But I love a massage and it would be a fun treat to have one this year.
- Aspiration: Give my line-a-day journal another go. I started tackling this aspiration early in the morning of January 1, and immediately made a mistake. I wrote a few little lines about the last day of 2022, but I did so – in pen – on the first day of 2023. Also, I wrote “Saturday” (IN PEN) above the date, and then had to cross it out and write Sunday above it. So I have already made a huge, indelible (totally unimportant in the grand scheme, I realize this) mistake and I am going to have to fight so hard against my impulse to never open the journal again. Maybe I should just buy a new one. My husband thinks I am ridiculous, and suggested I just skip a day and then start again as though I hadn’t made the mistake. So I am trying that. But I can feel the mistake, infecting the entire journal. (He also suggested copying the text into the correct day, then using whiteout on the mistake, and starting fresh, which – just so you understand completely my particular brand of irrational – does not erase the mistake. It just buries it there under white goop.) So we’ll see whether I buy a new one or continue with line-a-day journaling at all or somehow resist all my innate tendencies and forge on with the inalterably ruined journal.
- Aspiration: Read more poetry. I burnt out early on poetry last year, but I still find it holds enormous value in my life. Maybe I just shouldn’t put so much pressure on reading it daily.
- Aspiration: Master two Chopin songs on the piano. I have been working on relearning the Raindrop Prelude, which I could play flawlessly in high school, and my dad has been learning Waltz in A Minor and I love listening to him play it, so I want to learn that one too.
- Aspiration: Buy some cute date-night-appropriate shirts. This means not falling into the trap of finding nothing appealing so instead buying yet another long-sleeved T-shirt/sweatshirt/sweater that is fine for hanging out at home but not great for Feeling Cute and Dressy and then feeling like I did buy the shirts I am looking for when really I didn’t.
- Reach Aspiration: Try to keep a spreadsheet of these goals, for tracking purposes and also purposes of not forgetting them until December 31.
Health
- Aspiration: Do a sweets revamp. This is a family goal. The three of us have developed some very bad habits and I really don’t like how they are affecting Carla. She chooses sweets first, always, and I think this is because we always have cookies and candy lying around. A sweets revamp does not mean No Sweets Ever. We can even set a weekly family goal to go get ice cream or buy a candy bar or whatever. On Valentine’s Day and Easter, I will probably lift the restriction for a day or two of unbridled sweets eating. It just means getting them out of our immediate orbit so that they are available when we could be eating other things. Yesterday I collected all of the sweet things I could find and threw them away or put them in a “to donate” bin. (I did leave three – why do we have three???? – unopened bags of chocolate chips in the pantry, but I could choose to donate them at any time.) So that’s Step 1. Now I just need to complete Step 2, which is to keep sweets out of the house for the rest of the year.
- Aspiration: Do what is necessary to make my feet feel as good as they can. The combination that has had the best results in terms of limiting pain has been stretching my feet morning and night, religiously, combined with walking. Not-walking seems to result in more pain than walking. I haven’t figured out the ideal amount of walking yet, but getting at least 10,000 steps seems to help.
- Aspiration: Spend ten minutes outside every day. This seems outlandish considering I haven’t set foot outside in days, but it’s something I really want to prioritize.
- Aspiration: Buy some winter boots I can walk in.
- Aspiration: Eat more vegetables. I am doing this for myself, and by extension influencing my family to eat more vegetables (the benefit of being the family meal planner, grocery shopper, and chef).
- Aspiration: Figure out a skincare routine that doesn’t make me want to claw my face off. My face is driving me out of my mind. It is simultaneously excruciatingly itchy, to the point that I need to take Benadryl regularly to curb it, and constantly broken out. Every day there is a new pimple or five on my face. At the risk of oversharing (I would never), I am currently on Day 5 of enduring a cystic zit that is so enormous and so painful I feel embarrassed when even my husband looks at me. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I have an appointment with my dermatologist for early February (sob) and I don’t think I can get anything earlier, and honestly don’t have high hopes that he will help. But I need to figure out some way through this. I am kind of attached to my face.
- Reach Aspiration: If I am reading/writing blog posts, I am walking on the treadmill. I have gotten pretty adept at this, over the break. I’m not sure if I can keep it up (right now, I am typing this while waiting for my tea to brew, and then I don’t want to drink tea while walking on the treadmill because that seems like a disaster waiting to happen), but if I can pair the two activities in my mind, just think how much more of both I will do!
Connection
- Aspiration: Get a pedicure with Carla. She’s at the age where I think this would feel like a fun treat. Although I’m guessing she’ll enjoy the foot-sanding portion of the pedicure as much as I do. (Carla, however wants to do a mani-pedi, mainly, I think, because she likes the term “mani-pedi.” She is working on not biting her nails this year, so I am hopeful that she will succeed and we will get a mani-pedi together. Or a pedicure and then a mani-pedi some other time!)
- Aspiration: Put my phone away when Carla and I are together. Why it is so hard to choose chatting with my lovely, fascinating daughter over knowing exactly what’s happening on Twitter/Instagram/Wordle right that second is beyond my powers of comprehension. But the days when she wants me to pay attention to her are surely numbered, and also I want her to remember me as an engaged mother not as someone addicted irrepressibly to her phone, so this is something I really, really want to work on.
- Aspiration: Find a way to see my grad school friend in-person. We have A Plan, we just need to implement it.
- Aspiration: Go on ten dates with my husband. During the early days of the pandemic, we got out of the habit. But now we have two great babysitter options and both feel more comfortable about being in restaurants, so there’s nothing stopping us from going out more often.
- Aspiration: Get together with two friends a month. This one makes me nervous, because I have a tendency to feel lonely and isolated and then overschedule myself and then get overwhelmed and become a hermit for several weeks and then feel lonely and isolated etc. etc. etc. But maybe if I plan, in advance, to get together with two friends a month, it will feel more intentional? Also, a couple of friends like to go for walks together so that’s a good way to meet two goals at once. Efficiency in action.
- Reach Aspiration: Invite neighbors over for coffee/wine/snacks. We have the sweetest, kindest, most generous-with-their-time-and-dogs neighbors. I would love to get know them better, and I think I can (maybe) invite them over, one household at a time, for a few minutes of connection. Maybe. I hope. (I can already feel my socially anxious soul straining away from this idea. And also how do I convey that I would like them to come over without their dogs?)
Work/Finance
- Aspiration: Finish my in-progress manuscripts (and don’t start another one!!!!). I can do this if I put my mind to it. I am good at writing lots of words. I can do this.
- Aspiration: Revise my completed manuscript. I am so very tired of my completed manuscript. But it needs some revision and A LOT of trimming, so I need to tackle it again.
- Aspiration: Query 100 agents. This sounds like a ton, but it is fewer than two agents a week. This is doable.
- Aspiration: Make good use of the writing accountability team a friend and I set up last fall. We met twice, and only once did we write, but the intention is to meet every week and spend a short time walking together in nature and then devote two hours to writing or writing-related projects. If I complete this goal, it will mean I am making good progress toward my other writing goals.
- Reach Aspiration: Take a class in short story writing. This is a Big Scary Goal, but one I would really like to attempt. Maybe when my writing partner returns from his six months abroad, so we could do it together?
Home/Property
- Aspiration: Repot my plants. A new very cute plant store opened up just down the street and they will repot your plants FOR YOU for FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS apiece. I have resisted repotting my plants, even though they are all on death’s door, because I am so sure I will kill them. Now I can pay to have someone else do it! Someone who knows what they’re doing! This should be an easy goal to accomplish.
- Aspiration: Fix the freaking closet door. We have the materials necessary for fixing the door, because we bought them more than a year ago with the idea that we would use them to fix the door, we just need to FIX THE DOOR.
- Aspiration: Try, again, to find someone to repaint the trim. Why is it so infernally difficult to find a person to do a thing when that person’s job is to do the very thing you want to pay them to do?
- Reach Aspiration: Gallery wall. My eternal dream, always just out of reach.
Well, there you have it. Some gentle aspirations for the year. Looking at these aspirations, all together, I am wondering if my word of the year should be “consistent.” It’s a word I resist, because consistency is not my strong point; perhaps that is an even stronger reason for allowing it to exert whatever influence meditating on one theme for the year will exert.
Just catching up after the holidays, loved your posts and this one is very inspiring without making me feel bad (it’s a fine line amiright?) I need to pause and think about what I would like to focus on in 2023. I hope you can accomplish many this year! Also, I may have missed it, but did the friend you sent the gift to ever respond?
My friend did respond in a positive way that makes me hopeful for our future. But things are in no way back to normal.
That’s a lot of aspirations. I hope you have good success with them. Success, of course, not defined as accomplishing all of them.
I was wondering how you (at least sometimes) get 10,000 steps a day without going outside and I thought, she must have a treadmill, and then you mentioned the treadmill later in the post. Anyway, I highly recommend getting outside even when the weather’s not appealing. Your mileage may differ, but it helps my mood.
I do have a treadmill, and a desk attachment which is very helpful. And I 100% agree that being outside is such a mood booster. I need to get past my aversion to imperfect weather!
I love your list (and your reviews of 2022 from the past few days). The line-a-day journal thing made me laugh. I have ripped out many a first page from a new journal because I screwed something up on DAY ONE, lol. I SEE YOU.
Hahaha – that makes me feel better Lee! Solidarity!
So, do you have a treadmill desk or how do you read and write on the treadmill? I tried this once and found it rather awkward… and even keeping it slow I still found it kind of dizzying to try to read/write while I walked!
Yes! I have a desk attachment for my treadmill. I love it! I had to start out walking excruciatingly slowly as I got used to typing on it — like half a mile per hour. But I am now up to 2.5 mph!
This is one thorough list. I’d like to accomplish more in the writing of my manuscript and I’d like to get published. A lofty goal would be to get our home videos (that were gloriously recovered) organized and saved to DVDs or jump drives. After hosting Christmas I told Coach that we should really do a deep cleaning of the house once a month, so when we host something we aren’t scrambling – plus, how lovely would that be. Ahem, espcially because I don’t need the whole chore to fall to me.
You seem quite organized in your aspirations. Good luck tackling many of them this year. You’ve got this.
Good luck with your manuscript and with getting published!!!
I have a 5 year journal too. I started it in 2010. It’s not done yet. Somehow I have bent time and space, because it drives me nuts how some days have more years filled out than others, then there are gaps and blank spots, and ahhhhhh.
I started this line a day journal last spring at some point (it is also a five-year one) and then I stopped writing at some point in the fall. So I am “looking forward” to encountering those months of blank days! Ugh!
Line a day mistakes! I started my current journal in 2019, but I immediately wrote 2018 in the year because I wasn’t used to writing 2019 yet. *sigh* My ribbon placeholder somehow got mixed up in August of 2020 and so there were a couple of days that I wrote my line of day for the wrong days and then had to go around crossing out the dates and writing the actual dates. *heavier sigh* So, I am not sure if this will bring you comfort, but you are not the only one out there whose journal has errors in it.
As a dog owner, I would never bring my dog to someone else’s house without asking first and I would never be offended if someone said no. (We asked my FIL if we could bring Hannah to Christmas in 2019 and he said yes and then when we brought her, he said she could stay in the garage and I did get mad about that! The garage. As if my spoiled dog will stay in the garage.) Anyway, the assumption is NO DOGS unless you explicitly say “George and Susan, please come over. You can bring Molly the Dog, too.”
I cannot tell you how comforting these line-a-day journal mess-up stories are! And I don’t think these neighbors would bring a dog to most people’s houses, I think that because they know me through Carla, whose sole attachment to them is their dogs, they might think the dogs were required?
These goals are terrific. They are both realistic and inspiring. Not in the spiritual sense, but in the sense that they can inspire others (me) to take something from them and apply it to their (my) lives.
I’d like to purchase a walking pad, which is similar to a treadmill desk, at some point. I’m finding it difficult to exercise on a daily basis. It’s not a matter of time, but of motivation. I could go for walks while reading or doing soul schoolwork if I had this walking pad in front of me.
I also appreciate the connection goals. Simply putting the phone away while speaking with people is a huge move. We have stopped using our phones while eating, and that alone has had a significant impact.
I’d love to read a follow up post to this in a few months to see how you’re doing. ❤️
The walking pad sounds great! I am a huge fan of acknowledging things like the motivation problem and finding ways to help address it.
I could not possibly love you more for your line a day journal dilemma. I will never do a line a day journal (honestly I don’t know what it is), based solely on this issue. We have a big calendar on our fridge, and one year I was smoothing it out on the first of the month, and SMEARED the ink. I was so sure it was going to drive me nuts for the rest of the month, but my MIL came through and brought me her extra page. Thank god for her.
Your aspirations seem like really good ones. So far my one goal for 2023 is to not have a line a day journal, which seems pretty easy.
HAHAHA! That is an excellent goal. I fully support it.
Face routine was my goal in 2021. It can be spendy for sensitive skin. I have read Whoorl’s blog for ages and she has good things to recommend. The New Knew is another blog that helps me, they review many products and always mention sensitive skin issues. I have had good luck with True Botanicals products. It’s a long process to find things that work for you and that you like. Good Luck!
I will check out these resources — thank you!
That a sizeable list – but you know? The good things is that you have a list to “choose from”… even if you don’t accomplish everything!
Thanks, San!
Do you listen to the lazy genius podcast? If not, I highly recommend this week’s podcast about “starting fresh without starting over.” She had some really great things to share about goals/aspirations/etc. And she is someone who encourages us to be more gentle with ourselves, which is a message I need to hear more of!
I have an idea for the not using your phone around Carla thing. Before I went off social media, I used the screen time feature to block myself from FB/IG from 5-7 every week day because that is a time I knew I would be around my kids and I didn’t want the temptation to look at social media. That might be a more in between approach v putting your phone elsewhere? But take this suggestion with a grain of salt!
I am feeling the need to get sweets out of our house. My husband is a moderator and I am an abstainer, but he does the grocery shopping. I’m going to ask him to stop buying gallon containers of ice cream. If he wants to still buy ice cream, he can buy ice cream with gluten in it. Then I know I won’t eat it. But we have so many treats in our house from the dice game we played with my MIL. So I think I need to have him hide them from me or take them to work or something. I don’t like the temptation!
Setting a specific no-phone timer is SO smart, Lisa! I will figure out how to do that today — thank you!
Re: the line-a-day journal. I have one that is a five year line a day and I started it on FEBRUARY 7 2022. I had to really give myself the “best time to plant a tree” talk about it, but February 7. Now that I’m in January, the first line of the journal is blank but you know what, I’m just going to go with it. (ahhhhhh it makes me crazy, I know you’ll understand).
I hope the dermatologist can help you out – I had some cystic acne at different times in my life and I always felt so self-conscious about it. Plus, painful.
One thing I have done with friends is to have a standing “date,” but a low-key one. Like, once a month, with two separate girlfriends, we either go for a walk, which I would do anyway, or phone each other, just to hear our voices. Pre-pandemic this would be a coffee date but it changed in 2020. Anyway, a low-key 15 minute phone call while we are driving around is sometimes all it takes to feel connected.
Also, about the neighbours: if someone invited me over I would never think to bring the dog. So, probably that’s what they are thinking too!
YES, Nicole, I did the same thing. I started my journal on a weird random day of the year. And then stopped writing in it sometime in the fall!! It is a very bumpy and incomplete record of my days, which I suppose is highly accurate.
I don’t have a dog; but if I did I would never, ever bring it over without asking.
I wish you lived here because 1) I have a guy who would be happy to paint your baseboards (and he’s reasonable cost-wise) and 2) if he was unavailable, I would paint your baseboards.
I feel you on the line a day journal. This is me. In fact, I have several pretty journal/notebooks that I’m saving…for what? I just need to use them.
Cute tops – I’m in the market as well. I did just score a very cute “sweatshirt” (it doesn’t look like one) with button details at the neck (I am not describing this well) that I love. I think I found it online at J Crew.
I had to laugh about the galley wall. I think you are correct, this will be an evergreen item on your list. Eventually, somehow, it will get done.
Given how well you did on last year’s aspirations, I think you will succeed again this year.
That is so kind, Gigi! I would love to live near you, but mainly for coffee and chatting purposes. 🙂 That J Crew shirt sounds very cute. Please post about your cute shirt finds!
I started making a “23 for 23” list (but only got up to #9) and one item was “fix my plantar fasciitis.” But then I realized that’s an outcome related goal. I like the way you put it better- I can only do what I can to make it feel as good as possible.
I think I commented on your face issues once before. The dermatologist is a good place to start because they might diagnose it as something completely different than what you’re thinking. When I was in my mid forties I started getting really annoying acne, and it itched- and was eventually diagnosed as rosacea. It was really helpful to know what it was, since I was doing all sorts of things, when I thought it was acne, that were actually making it worse. I hope you can figure yours out- I know, it’s really terrible to have issues with your face like that!
Thanks, Jenny! I’m sorry you have struggled with the face issue and that you are also dealing with plantar fasciitis. I would love to find a cure, but it seems hopeless after A YEAR. Well. I will continue to seek out ways to ameliorate both issues.
Oh, and I forgot to comment earlier on the dog thing. My husband would absolutely lose his absolute $h!T if someone showed up to our house with their dog. Absolutely would lose it. He is not anti-dog, but he is VERY VERY anti-dog inside our house, or a bunch of dog hair touching him or his clothes.
About the acne, I have struggled with this a lot the last few years as well. They did prescribe Tretinoin (retinoid) for me, which took my skin MONTHS to adjust to…. but it finally did!! I don’t think that alone did the trick for my acne though. It’s still a work in progress, but I’ve had the absolute best results I’ve had once they started me on 2x daily Clindamycin antibiotic lotion, plus I started applying 2.5% Benzoyl Peroxide (so very low dose- the standard Benzoyl peroxide in the drugstores seems to default to 10% which would probably be way to irritating for you). I actually stopped using the benzoyl peroxide this fall, thinking I was doing ok, and my acne flared back up! So it seems the combination of the Clindamcyin (antibiotic), the benzoyl peroxide and the tretinoin is keeping things quite calm. I have sensitive skin too that doesn’t like a lot products. I use a Cerave gentle cleanser. Oh, and a game changer with the retinoid was that I had to ease into it every other day (and still took time to adjust), and had to make SURE to apply lotion after applying the retinoid, too. I can say I really haven’t had any of those cystic acnes since starting this regimen in early summer 2022. Skin isn’t 100%, but is probably 90% of the way there in terms of acne. Still struggling with some melasma/ hyperpigmentation but have recently started a special compound cream for that which does actually seem to finally be helping some.
I am so afraid of the retinoid thing! The last time I complained to the dermatologist about my face was several years ago (and the problems were SO not as severe) he recommended retinoids and I tried it for a short time and it was unbearable. Painful, itchy, flaky, red. I don’t know how I could endure it longterm. But maybe I need to just suck it up and deal with it for the longterm effects?
And your comment about Benzoyl peroxide reminds me that I used to put the OTC kind (the 10%) on zits all the time… but then didn’t need it for a couple of years. And I put a dab on a pimple earlier this fall and my entire face FREAKED out. Good to know there are lower concentrations available.
I like your list of aspirations- I could get on board with deciding on aspirations rather than goals 😉
Right? Don’t they seem so much less pressure-y than goals? 😉
I love your list, and it is a LIST indeed. I don’t know that I could come up with so much myself, making me wonder if 1) I’m lazy. 2) I’m in denial, or 3) I’m just going with the flow.
I believe we all need less time with our phones, so maybe I’ll make that my priority.
I’m a dog person, but I would never bring my dog to someone’s house who didn’t invite my dog. Are they coming INSIDE your home? Or outside for a picnic?
Having someone repot your plants when you’re unsure about it is good money spent! GO FOR IT.
This is a great list of aspirations (and I love that you call them aspirations)!
I have many a line-a-day mess-up. And I’ve gotten, like, 6 weeks behind on writing in my line-a-day journal at some points last year. I’m trying to be better about filling it in in a timely manner this year! I’m proud of you for soldiering on, even with the mistake. IT WILL ALL BE OKAY!
I love your aspirations! I have a line a day which I started on 31st December. My husband thinks it’s crazy that I don’t have 2021 all on the same line. But there’s no rule! I also filled in Feb 29th this year and then realized there is no Feb 29th. Once I just put a note saying “This is in the wrong place”. So, don’t give up on the line a day journal! My husband also misses whole days. I do back entries.
The line-a-day journal sounds like such a great thing, and also I would feel exactly the same about the mistake. Someone else would probably be fine with a journal with one page torn out, so maybe pass it on and start fresh?
We always had sweets lying around because I had huge food issues growing up largely due to my mother’s weirdness around it, and my kids would just as likely pick broccoli first and finish the cookies later, so…. never mind, I don’t give people advice around food, I just want you to know that you are NOT screwing your kid up by having cookies and candy in the house.
I think I commented already but kept thinking about the face thing and just wanted to come back and offer my heartfelt sympathies. It sounds simultaneously so uncomfortable and so upsetting, and I really really hope someone can help you find a good solution.
I love hearing how other people do things. Love it. And I really want to be a house where sweets are just part of the rest of the offerings, because it’s all food. Like, I grew up with plenty of sweets around! We had Zingers in the pantry and Dilly Bars in the freezer and my parents were fine with me spending my entire allowance on candy. And personally, I think I have a MUCH healthier relationship with food than some other people in our household, who grew up with the idea that if you ate sweets you were being “bad” or “indulging” or you should feel “guilty” rather than just… eating sweets. And I remember a friend who had a literal drawer of candy in her house growing up and I thought it was the coolest thing ever and she was very bored with the whole thing. So in large part, I feel like having sweets around makes them less of A Thing, you know? But. We have tried that in our house, and it doesn’t work. What happens is that sweets are the first choice or the only choice. My kid will wake up and eat a bunch of candy instead of eating any of the very easy and nutritious breakfast options we have on hand (bananas! cereal! apples! tomatoes! yogurt! so much fruit!). So now we are trying “sweets are not in any way off limits, but they are one-time treats not things we have in the house all the time” and we’ll see if that helps. Who knows. Gah. Everything surrounding food is SO HARD.
That sounds very wise, and obviously you know your child best. I had a friend in school who was the only girl in a family with four brothers. They had two literal CLOSETS full of the stuff my mom never bought – Joe Louis, doughnuts, chocolate bars, and the brothers had unlimited access but she was supposed to be restrained. We were talking about this a couple of years ago and she said “yeah, it was….great” (meaning she was happy to have it there even if she had to sneak it). I consciously didn’t demonize certain foods with my kids. My friend did the same thing and her son would literally eat until he barfed. It is all SO HARD, and there is almost no one out there doing anything to make it anything but harder.
I like framing things as aspirations. So much less daunting.
I have a five year journal – the spaces are a little more than line a day. I’ve been keeping it for seven years now (I’m on my second book. I’m so afraid they are going to discontinue this one that I bought three copies of it last year). I don’t fill in every day – some times I write in thoughts days after the fact. I have also written on the wrong day, and I just write a note with the correct date. I also find value in the blank days too – when I go back and look through the year, the blank days are usually the days that were super busy and while I’m annoyed that I didn’t write anything down, I get why, which is kind of a record of it’s own.
Re: poetry. I subscribe to A Poem A Day in my Feedly, which is how I read poetry regularly. I don’t always read the poems if they are super long, but I usually will read the short ones. I find it much more manageable than having to find poetry myself to read. Also – there’s a podcast called Poetry Unbound by the folks who present On Being – each fifteen minute episode features one poem being read, then dissected, then read again. It’s a perfect listen for short meditative walks.
Ooooh I am interested in the Poetry Unbound podcast! Thank you! I get a poem a day in my email and am terrible at reading them 😬