For so many, many areas of life, there seem to be clear divisions into two separate factions. Things about which people feel SO STRONGLY, so fanatical, there is no middle ground. I love coming across these moments of schism. Here are a few I’ve come across recently.
Butter Storage: You either store your butter on the counter, or you store it in the fridge. I am Team Counter Butter all the way. It’s soft and spreadable when you need it, and if you go through butter at the rate my family does, it never has a chance to go rancid.
Shower Time: I used to be a Morning Shower person, but now I tend to shower at night for purposes of convenience. However, I HATE IT. No way am I going to take the time to dry and style my hair when all I want to do is go to bed. But I also hate sleeping on wet hair! It’s a nightmare! Showering in the morning is the better option. (I suppose there is a secret third category here, of people who shower after they exercise, or people who shower multiple times per day.)
Hair Washing: I wash my hair as infrequently as I can get away with it, which is usually every three to four days – although I can squeeze in a fifth day if go for a bun or a ponytail. Daily Hair Washers are aghast at this, though. They cannot comprehend having “dirty” hair. But oh, how wonderful it is to not have to dry my hair every day! (I cannot wash and wear my hair; it’s wavy/curly but more so on one side than the other; it looks awful if I let it dry by itself.) Also, I am convinced that Day 3 Hair is the best hair day of them all.
Drinking Vessel Material: My husband prefers to drink water etc. out of a plastic cup. I cannot STAND this. I need a glass glass every time. There is something revolting to me about the feel of a plastic rim between my lips or something. Yuck.
Pillow Quantity: While I like the aesthetic of a nice big pile of pillows on my bed, I cannot sleep with more than one. It gives me a crick in my neck just thinking about it! My husband needs three pillows though, and my daughter likes FOUR. I swear that their necks fold into a 90-degree angle from their bodies when they sleep, and it looks so uncomfortable. There is a secret third faction, though: the people who sleep with no pillows at all. I knew one of them in college and it was fascinating to me; he didn’t even own a pillow.
Thinking: I think in words. There is a constant stream of words running through my head, like the inner monologues you hear as voiceovers on TV. That’s how my brain works. It’s not really like hearing and it’s definitely not seeing words appear on a tickertape inside my head. But it’s words. My husband thinks in pictures. There is no flow of verbiage in his brain. Just images. If you ask him to visualize something, he can close his eyes and SEE THAT THING. I cannot do this. I just see blackness.
Gifting: My husband’s family are Gift Listers. You send a list of things you’d be interested in receiving for birthdays/holidays, and then the gift givers choose something from that list. (It is understood that you might get something that is not on the list, and it is also understood that you can suggest categories of things – i.e., “coffee mug” – which allow the gift giver some freedom/leeway to make their own choices.) My family sometimes gives loose suggestsions, i.e. “books” or “things for entertaining.” But there are no lists. The gift is to be a surprise.
Snack Procurement: Picture, if you will (or, if you can), a tin of nuts or a bag of chips. You are about to procure some for your snacking purposes. Do you a) reach your hand into the tin/bag and grab a handful? Or do you b) pour the desired amount into a bowl/napkin/hand? I am a Snack Pourer all the way! I don’t want your hand – or mine! – rooting around in the entire container of food! I want to keep the food pure, and untouched until the last possible moment. Likewise, I am always going to close the container and put it back. If I desire more of the snack, I will get it out of the pantry and pour some more. Some people in my family prefer to keep the open box/tin/bag on the counter, just in case. UGH. I do not like this!
Bathing: This is a late addition after Elisabeth’s post this morning reminded me how much I loathe baths. And yet some people LOVE them! They are supposed to be decadent and soothing, and yet… I find myself getting restless and itchy about two minutes in. And then I feel like I still have to shower to get all the bubbles off me anyway, so what’s the point? I grew up in a home with no bathtubs (although my parents renovated my bathroom when I was in… high school? and put in a bath), so maybe that has something to do with why I have no use for baths at all.
All right. That’s enough controversy for today. Do you feel particularly strongly about any of these topics? What else have you found is A Great Divider? (Besides politics, of course.)
life of a doctor's wife 
I align with you on everything other than the snack pouring. I’m a reacher for most things (though if I’m getting something like peanuts that come in many little pieces, I will use a bowl; and, well, I don’t dip my hand into yogurt; I guess I also put a cut apple into a bowl – so maybe we really do align on everything).
COUNTER BUTTER, 100%. Trying to spread butter from the fridge is a completely avoidable nightmare. Every once in a while we will run out of soft counter butter (because someone else finished it off because if I notice we are getting dangerously low, I will get a fresh container started so there is always backup).
I also used to exclusively shower in the morning; now mornings are chaos with getting the kids out the door. I do shower on the weekends some, but mostly always in the evening. Like you, I almost never want to dry my hair and I hate sleeping with wet hair. My solution is to wear a shower cap most of the time because (like you) I don’t wash my hair very often 1-3 times a week – it’s HIGHLY variable.
I hate plastic cups (but I drink water almost exclusively from my Yeti). I use a single tiny – like paper thin – pillow, and for many years when I slept on my stomach (it hurts my lower back and I can’t do it anymore – boooo), I didn’t use any pillow at all and would just rest my head on the mattress.
Re. gifts, we might have very loose “lists” based on in-passing comments, but basically no one knows exactly what they’re getting.
What a fun post!!! Love things like this. They make me think, but in the most enjoyable way possible.
I used to love sleeping on my stomach too but can’t do it since having Carla (boobs make it uncomfortable).
Hi Suzanne, it was lovely of you to visit my site recently and it seems we also have the lovely Ally in common 🙂
I am totally a counter butter person because it’s too hard to use straight from the fridge. My mother is a fan of “spread” which stays soft even if kept in the fridge. One aspects of my grown up life is that I am a butter person and will never have to put up with “spread” again.
We are in alignment on many others on your list, except that I’ve moved position on gifting from going down the surprise route to embracing lists as we all have too much stuff and not enough room for stuff we don’t need or want.
Welcome! 😊I too have embraced the efficiency and usefulness of the gift list. Definitely helps cut back on excess junk!
I am neutral on the butter issue. We rarely have toast or anything that requires the butter to be soft; if I’m making grilled cheese I just put the butter in the pan and melt it, then put the bread on top.
I LOVE showering in the morning. Love it. It wakes me up. But, like you, for convenience, I shower at night and I can dry my hair before bed. This actually works out, as I’m growing out a pixie and the back sticks up after drying, but sleeping on it fixes that. Someday I’ll shower in the mornings, but my life is not at that stage right now.
I dislike baths. I know from experience that very hot baths are therapeutic, and help stave off illnesses, but I don’t like lying in one for too long unless I have a good book (but then I worry about the book, or Kindle, getting wet). I feel, in a bath, like I’m making soup out of myself and it’s gross.
I also think in words. This probably helps with my ability to spell nearly anything; when I’m asked how to spell a word I literally see it in my head. One of my sons does this too; the others do not. Dreams are very disorienting for me, as they’re all image-based, and not word-based.
I am as picky as a cat about drinking liquids. I like my Stanley cup for ice water through a straw. Seltzer out of a can is fine. I will happily chug a bottle of water, even plastic. I do not like to drink water or seltzer or anything out of a glass(without a straw), but I will drink cup after cup of tea from a ceramic mug. If I were a cat, I’d be the one who only wants to drink from a lightly dripping faucet (I have had two of those kinds of cats!).
With regards to butter, I do both! I have some in the fridge – and freezer – and then I also have a butter dish in the cupboard for easy spreading. Showering: I shower in the morning, and I wash my hair every 2-3 days. It’s very fine and I really cannot go more than that between washes.
Other than at meals when I drink with a glass, I drink water out of my water bottle.
I used to like baths but not anymore. Ten years ago we renovated our main bathroom and took the bathtub out, putting in a big shower instead. We have a bathtub in the second bathroom but no one ever uses it, except me to soak oven racks on the rare occasion that I clean my oven.
The not being able to think in images is called aphantasia. It’s believed to be rare, affecting an estimated 1% to 3% of people (although how they ever come to these figures is anybody’s guess 🤷🏻♀️) – I’m certainly one of them, asked to conjure up my husband’s face in my mind’s eye and I couldn’t!
Baths definitely fall into the, ‘should be nice, but aren’t’ category – the temperature is just never right and I’ve yet to be physically fully comfortable in one. Plus, simply unhygienic!
I am a night shower-taker, always have been. I like going to bed feeling clean. I wash my hair every time I shower, but I only shower every other day (unless I’ve been in a pool in which case I have to wash the chlorine off or my skin will itch).
Butter on the counter with backup butter in the fridge.
Two pillows but one is a feather pillow that is so old and flat it’s more like 1 1/4 pillows total.
People in my family make lists, but there are surprises, too, so I guess it’s a hybrid system.
Wait- you can keep butter on the counter? Apparently I’m the only one who doesn’t know this. I wonder if that goes for vegan butter as well- probably better not to risk it since it’s a different thing.
Ah, showering. What a hassle. I normally just have a quick rinse after I exercise- my husband, who literally soaps up every inch of his body, is appalled by this. I don’t know- I think I’m clean enough. This is of course, unless it’s a hair washing day (I would say I’m on about the same schedule as you.) Sometimes I’ll shower in the late afternoon and wash my hair to get it over with. I also don’t want to sleep with wet hair, and having it wet in the morning isn’t ideal either. When did these tasks get so difficult??? I used to love baths, but never take them anymore just because… I never think of it. It always seems like there’s something else to be doing. I wonder if I would even like them now- I get overheated much more easily than I used to.
I think in words, which I think is much more common than thinking in pictures. But maybe I’m wrong about that- I just assumed that most people think in words, but I’m going to start asking people to find out. I don’t even know this about my kids or husband because I’ve never asked them. Interesting!
We keep our butter in the fridge because we use it so infrequently – pretty much only when a dish I’m making calls for it. We do not, for instance, put butter on a bread unless I’m making grilled cheese for the boys and when I do, I use my butter that is a lower cal yogurt-based butter that spreads incredibly well even when it’s cold!
We are 100% gift list people. My mom started asking for lists years ago because she is shopping for 10 grandkids with such varying interests. And I prefer to guide the grandparents towards things the boys want/need and experience gifts to cut down on the amount of plastic crap coming into my house. Can you tell how fun I am? But I just plain am not a gift person. If I didn’t receive another gift for the rest of my life, that would be totally fine! And I know my husband is the same way. I wish we could get his mom on board with not buying us anything for Christmas/bdays! I also don’t like surprises – even good ones! They are fine, but I don’t love them like other people do!
I don’t feel strongly about any of these divisions, but have a few preferences. Butter in the fridge, showers not baths, water in a Tervis [plastic] glass with a lid.
A Great Divider in this suburb is the quantity and style of Holiday Decorations. On the one side you have small, twinkly, tasteful close-to-the house people. On the other side you have large, loud, dynamic in-your-face people. I like a less is more aesthetic but won’t stop other people from doing what they want to do. But controversy ensues.
This is so funny because YOU ARE RIGHT. I am also shocked people keep butter out of the fridge. I didn’t know it was so common! We just get the spreadable kind that has olive oil mixed in. I wash my hair every day (I have short hair and could not get away with not washing it, it stands straight up) and I use 2 pillows. I also think in both words and pictures, is that a thing?
Did I write this post??
I have the gifting ‘problem’ in our family, too! My husbands family has very specific wishes (and some of them will get upset if you get them anything other than what they wished for) whereas mine is happy with surprises. Butter: yes, outside! I always get annoyed when it’s so solid you can’t really spread it easily. Another butter either or: salted or unsalted (unsalted for me – why would you put salt in butter?).
There is no way in the world my husband would allow butter on the counter. Imagine the cat knocking it over! Imagine a tiny fleck of non-butter getting into it. Imagine the spoiled butter! We are team fridge.
I now officially sleep with one pillow, a special pillow I spent a lot of money on specifically for side sleepers. I even travel with it. And that pillow and I are now partners for life. FOR LIFE.
Baths are disgusting. You’re just sitting there in your own grossness while water gets colder and colder. I don’t think I’ve had a bath in decades.
I’ll tell you this, Suzanne, I DO have very strong opinions on these things and I’m over here fretting about you counter butter people while trying to take on the “let people do what works for them” attitude but I am NOT LAIDBACK enough for that. Do you at least use salted butter? (I feel like I read that you can keep salted butter on the counter, but not unsalted? Or maybe it’s the reverse? Oh, no! You butter on the counter people are worrying me.)
The problem I have with baths is that you have to choose whether it’s your knees or your shoulders that get cold first! I fantasize about basking in a tub long enough that I could be fully lying down. But I’ve never wanted to take baths for cleaning purposes, just for relaxation or to soak sore muscles. Right now, I’m living in a place with only showers, so it’s a moot point anyway.
I do have to wash my hair every day, or it becomes a grease pit. I shower in the morning, mostly because sleeping on clean hair messes it up so much that it’s uncontrollable the next day. And it’s short! I don’t understand how it can get so crazy, but it does. I must be a really active sleeper.
I love baths but take them in the morning; if I sleep on my hair, it goes wacky. I can’t leave butter on the counter because my cat loves it and will lick it until it’s gone. Plastic doesn’t have a nice mouth feel. Neither do paper straws though, I’m sorry to say. I’m not a good gift giver; the idea of it makes me stressed.
Fridge butter is sad butter! Freeeee the butter!
I am a snack pourer all day and it annoys me to see people who are NOT ON MY TEAM!
Wow. Sorry about the caps, but I’m serious about this.
What kind of monster sleeps without a pillow? I’m uncomfortable just thinking of this.
Butter goes in the fridge. Sorry, Suzanne. Maybe because of my cholesterol issue, I hardly use it and it would indeed go rancid.
Oh how I wish I could go more than two days without shampooing my hair; it’s not in the cards for me. But I know it’s better for our hair to not shampoo so often, so you are winning in the hair department.
Suz, my grandmother slept without a pillow as long as I can remember. She used to say a pillow made her feel like she was sitting upright while she tried to fall asleep!
I’ve never heard of such a thing. It makes me wonder if she never had a pillow as a child so therefore, she was accustomed to not having a pillow?
She was born around 1913 and was a teenager during the Great Depression (during which, she said, “everyone smoked” so that’s where she picked up the habit of a lifetime). So it’s possible. She never alluded to feeling poor during the Depression, mostly because her father’s work was in the theater and no matter what, people wanted entertainment. So he was never without a paycheck. But it is entirely possible they went without in ways that just didn’t register for her!
We are a counter butter household, but we have a butter dish with a lid, so it is covered and nothing can land on it. When I was a kid, we had the butter on the dining room table (next to the sugar bowl I guess, which we used to put a ton of sugar on our Cheerios, because we weren’t allowed to have ‘sugar cereal’, which makes exactly zero sense), and it was uncovered, and one day I came around the corner to find my 50lb dog STANDING ON THE TABLE, EATING THE BUTTER. Hilarious!
I shower every day. Occasionally I can get away with not washing my hair, but usually if I do that it feels gross by the late afternoon. I think people who wash their hair every day have dried out their scalp so much that it produces more oils to compensate. So people who wash their hair every day really do need to, and people who wash their hair a couple of times a week just don’t produce as much oil. I have tried to wean myself back, but can never quite manage it. In a perfect world, I would shower in the morning and the evening, because I find it both invigorating and relaxing. But I HATE drying my hair, which I have to do every stupid day, plus we live in drought ridden California. Another reason to cut back I guess. I hate baths. Too gross for words.
I prefer a list for most gifts. My husband’s family are not list makers, and it’s real hit and miss. I enjoy the surprise of a gift that was not on a list, but I don’t need another pair of earrings that are not my taste, or a shirt that doesn’t fit, or a book I have already read. I like no list in theory, but I am team list in practice.
I have 2 pillows, one for when I sleep on my side, and one for when I sleep on my stomach. I move around a lot at night, which must be a real treat for my poor husband (he gets me back by snoring). It’s very worky.
Where did my comment go? It was long…I hope it’s just hiding somewhere…
Rats, now I see that my comment probably didn’t go anywhere, just vanished, and that is going to bug me, so I am going to try again. Sigh.
I think in words but I am a horrible speller. I just had to change disappeared to vanished because I couldn’t spell disappeared. And yet now I seem to be able to manage it just fine. My brain is lame.
Butter – Counter all the way. We have a butter dish with a lid, so you don’t have to worry about anything landing on it. When I was a kid I came around the corner once to find my 50 lb dog standing on the kitchen table, eating the butter. So room temp butter, but with a lid.
I shower and wash my hair every day, because I have to. I think people who wash their hair every day have to because their scalp produces more oils, due to them drying it out by washing it every day. If you only wash your hair a couple of times a week, your body doesn’t go into overdrive and produce more oil, so you are good. I have tried to wean myself back to at least every other day, but I can never stick with it. I find showering at night relaxing, but don’t want to do my hair or go to bed with it wet (unless it’s hot in summer, then it can help cool me off). I hate blow drying my hair, but I have to do it every day. Life is hard.
I have two pillows – one for the portion of the night when I sleep on my side, the other for the portion of the night when I sleep on my stomach. I flop around a lot. My husband gets back at me by snoring. I can’t sleep on my back, it hurts my lower back.
We always have a stick of (salted) butter in a butter dish on the counter for spreading, and more in the fridge to use for cooking or what have you. I love baths (I shower first though to avoid the person soup feeling), but rarely remember to take one. I have super short hair that doesn’t need washing all that often- maybe once or twice a week? I do however, run my head under the faucet pretty much every day. I think in words, but I am also able to visualize images if I try to. I sleep with FOUR pillows, but really only 1.5 for my head: I have one for my knees, one for my arms, and a stack of two for the playing on my phone portion of the night, then I remove the top one to get a nice cool fresh pillow to fall asleep on.
I swear you are outdoing yourself with these posts!
It has never occurred to me how I think, so I took a minute to give myself an assessment….turns out I think in words. The Husband (I now know, because I asked) thinks in pictures (I told him he was a weirdo).
Butter goes in the fridge here – generally we use the the kind that has the olive oil to make it spreadable for bread and whatnot. We probably could leave a stick of butter out (The Husband would freak out about that though) as he uses butter much more often than I do.
As I mentioned on Elisabeth’s blog, in our old house I loved taking baths. This tub, no matter how much I scrub it, just grosses me out.
Showering – I do whatever is the most convenient. A solution for you might be to shower at night using a shower cap and wash your hair in the sink in the morning. Not ideal but maybe a solution. Generally, my hair gets washed once a week BUT because I cannot “refresh” my curls for some odd reason (probably because I am an “active” sleeper), my hair gets a good rinse every day so I can re-style. Luckily, I can let it air dry most of the time.
For gifting in the immediate family/friend circle, we usually go by a list of some sort but there are always surprises thrown in; so we are a hybrid, I guess.
Pillows – I have three (we aren’t counting the decorative ones). I start out with all three behind my head as I am reading or watching television before I go to sleep. When it’s time to sleep, I usually have one beneath my head, the second half-way beneath my head and the rest snuggled in my arms and the third between my knees (I’m a side sleeper and don’t like my knees to touch). Generally, at least one of the pillows will end up on the floor at some point (when this happens it’s also most likely that I will try to take one of The Husband’s pillows in my sleep – it’s a miracle he still sleeps in the same bed with me after all these years!).
Drinking vessels depend on what and where I am drinking. So, apparently, this isn’t a hill that I am willing to die on.
Snack procurement – most of the time, I would prefer to put it in a bowl (portion control) and put the snack away. Is this The Husband’s preferred method to snacking? No, it is not. And yes, it grates on my nerves.
Way to stir the pot!
Showers – Team Secret Third Category here! I shower and wash my hair right after my workouts in the morning because I’m a sweaty beast AND I also take a very quick shower at night. The only reason for that is I have dry eye syndrome and that quick shot of steam before bed helps a lot with the symptoms.
Hair Washing – lol, you know how often I wash mine, because otherwise it gets too greasy. It feels bad and looks bad, so nuff said. Since I just sounded off about all of the people who have strong feelings about not washing their hair, I’d love to meet a “daily pusher”.
Gifting – one time out of a hundred I can come up with a great gift idea. I NEED LISTS BECAUSE I CAN’T READ YOUR MINDS PEOPLE.
Baths – no. Just no. They aren’t relaxing and I feel so strongly about this that I haven’t had one since…wow not in my adult life anyway.
Oh, that was so fun to read and I agree on some, but not all. I am Team Fridge (Unsalted!) Butter. I do take it out a little early though if I can remember. I like my butter spreadable, but not completely soft and melting into my bread. (I think it’s a German thing – I am not into melted butter, unless when cooking).
I also loathe bathing. I don’t remember when I last took a bath. It’s probably been years. Team (morning) shower all the way (like Beckett, I am just a sweaty mess after my workout, so I have to shower right away… and mostly also wash my hair, I could never go 5 days without washing my hair. 3 days max, but that’s borderline rebellious.
I do reach for snacks, but I usually don’t reach into the bag, but the bowl that I transferred the snack to. 🙂
Water needs to be in a glass and coffee in a ceramic mug. Period.
Another Great Divider:
HEATING UP COFFEE: it’s a big no-no for me. It has to be fresh, or I’ll maybe drink it iced (if it cooled down too much), but I don’t heat up coffee in the microwave. Ever. Gross.
This is a fun peek into your world. I love it.
We keep butter no the counter. Always. I love the FREEEEE THE BUTTER comment. 😉
I like a couple of pillows – one always must be tucked under my arm. I hurt my shoulder years ago and can’t sleep without one under my arm now.
My mom must drink from a glass. I don’t care. Neither does Coach.
My in-laws don’t gift. His siblings gift a little bit – never ever for birthdays – even for godchildren, but for Christmas they gift to godchildren and ask for ideas. My side does birthday and Christmas gifts in a bigger way. Some ask for ideas and some don’t. My mom is a huge shopper and shops for all 22 grandkids (no idea with her memeory issues if that will happen this year). She goes all out.
I shower in the morning-ish, after my daily workout. During the pandemic I discovered that I don’t have to wash my hair daily. Wow, I didn’t know I could pull that off.
My kids snack by reaching in, leaving a trail, and never putting anything away. Enough said?
The year in college when I lived in Ireland, our house didn’t have a shower. Only a tub. I did not enjoy that bathing experience at all. When we redid our bathrooms upstairs, we put a big tub in the kids bathroom, that no one uses now that they all shower, along with a nice shower. The master bathroom only has a nice shower. I wonder if that will impact resale one day, but why keep a space-sucking tub if we don’t use it?
Here’s another one – I think this is because I’m a mother, but I can eat food that isn’t burn-the-roof-of-my-mouth hot. My husband MUST eat food that is CRAZY hot.
Ha, Ernie — I MUST eat burning hot food. My husband mocks me for it all the time.
Oh, this is fun! I can’t wait to weigh in on all of these:
Butter storage: I am both! I keep some in the fridge for when I don’t need the spreadable butter, but also have a jar on the counter that’s SPECIFICALLY to store butter at room temperature. I don’t use butter as quickly as a family might, so I bought a jar that keeps my butter fresh even if it’s going to sit on the counter for a few weeks.
Shower Time: I am not a night shower person. I am a night bath person (hehe), but I love a good morning shower. It just feels like the right way to start the day!
Hair Washing: I have very fine hair so it SHOULD be washed daily, but I usually wash it every 2-3 days because I can’t be bothered to wash it every day.
Drinking vessel: I just need a straw, always. I don’t like drinking without a straw!
Pillow quantity: The more, the merrier! I usually sleep with 3 pillows and then two tucked on either side of me so I can snuggle them no matter which side I’m sleeping on, haha.
Thinking: I definitely think in words, yes!
Gifting: We’re the list family! It makes gift giving soooo much easier. I’ll usually go off-list for my mom, but my brother/nephews/SIL give us a list and it makes things easy!
Snack Procurement: I’m a pourer!
Bath: LOVE THEM. Love them more than anything! I get my book, I sink into the hot water, and omg, it’s the best feeling.
I never, ever thought about how I think. Ha! Words, definitely.
I don’t eat butter but I’m team butter-in-the-fridge. My parents are in line with what Stephany and San do – salted on the counter, and unsalted in the fridge.
I’m a pourer. Reaching in is… gross. As are baths. Ick ick ick. I also… wash my hair daily and shower 2x/day (each shower is about 4-5 minutes, so… I feel okay ish about this, and I need it to warm up at night so I can actually, you know, sleep…:>)
These posts are so fun.
I See a few of the contradictions in my husband and myself. Like the gift thing. For me and my family gifts are a surprise. He hates that and always has a list. After 16 years we warmed up to the idea of giving him things from his list. But it still feels like we haven’t put much effort in picking a gift.