My husband and I have started watching The Outsider together. It is not a good program to watch before bed, let me tell you that. The music alone makes me jumpy, but then there’s the very creepy plot and the VERY creepy figure of a biped in a grey sweatshirt with a ruined/inhuman face peeking out from under the darkness of the hood that just STICKS WITH ME. Usually, following an episode with a Schitt’s Creek chaser helps dispel the creepiness, but sometimes it follows me to bed.
Despite this completely voluntary scaring-myself-out-of-my-wits, I have been enjoying a rare period of Good Sleep. It is not untroubled; I am having lots of Weird Dreams. Recently, I had what felt like a very long and drawn out version of that dream where you have exams approaching but you haven’t gone to class all semester and passing this class is necessary for you to graduate. I have not been in college for MANY YEARS, why does my brain persist in torturing me in this manner???? Anyway, by Good Sleep, I mean that I am able to fall asleep fairly easily and then stay asleep all night long. This is highly unusual for me, because I am a very light sleeper and also a champion worrier, and, as we all know, worries swell rapidly in the middle of the night when you have uninterrupted hours to DWELL on them.
But because I am unaccustomed to sleeping well, and because I am posting about this and surely jinxing it, I am sure another period of Fitful Sleep is just around the corner. (In fact, last night, I woke up at two o’clock and had a bit of trouble going back to sleep. Not enough that it was terribly bothersome, but enough that I wondered if the Good Sleep Period is on its way out.) (Cue ominous music.)
Swistle posted recently about having a hard time sleeping. I loved reading the comments, about ways to force yourself to sleep when sleep refuses to descend naturally. I especially loved one person’s suggestion to go through favorite things alphabetically – favorite foods, for instance, or TV shows, or birds, or whatever. That’s one I haven’t tried but sounds lovely.
After pondering it for awhile, I realized that I have been employing a bunch of techniques over the years to help myself get to sleep. Do you have any tried-and-true tactics that you use to fall asleep?
Get-to-sleep techniques that I have used for many years and work often (but not always, hence the multiple options):
1. A walk to/through someplace soothing. My dad gave me this technique decades ago, so it’s the one I’ve used the most. I have a family vacation spot I love, so I imagine myself leaving the house, walking to the car, getting in the car, driving down the driveway, turning onto the road, bumping over the deeply rutted gravel, passing the horse pasture, etc. etc. etc. until I arrive at the lake. The key to this one is to go through every step of the journey, imagining in as much detail as possible the surroundings and the path to get to the destination. I have also done this with the grocery store or Target – leaving my house, driving to the store, then walking through each aisle and naming pleasant/benign things as I put them into my cart. The only risk with the Target option is that I might start thinking about things I actually should get at Target, and that’s more wakeful than restful.
2. Silently reciting a poem. This one takes prep work, obviously. But it has been SO helpful. I use Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” and I just go through it line by line until I fall asleep. There was a particularly brutal period in my recent past when I could NOT get to sleep and I would have to go through the poem backwards as well as forwards. I don’t think I could do that anymore, but it was a distracting brain challenge that would eventually lull me into sleep. Perhaps I should get myself a new poem to memorize so I have choices.
3. Deep breathing. This is a technique I learned during a brief stint in therapy a few years ago. It’s for dealing with stress/anxiety, but I find it helpful when I’m trying to sleep, too. In for four counts, hold for four counts, out for four counts, hold for four counts. The counting makes it hard for my mind to drift and the breathing is soothing.
4. Counting my blessings. This one has the potential to create the opposite of the intended mindset, so. Use at your own risk. But I force myself to list things I’m grateful for, even the Very Smallest of Things, like “my husband is not currently snoring” or “someone else changed the toilet paper roll.” (In such cases, it’s critical to list the thing and move on quickly or else you can wind up feeling frustrated and put upon for having to be grateful for something as toilet paper rolls in the first place.) Or sometimes I will think of a loved one and list all the things I like about him/her, from the big (“kind,” “honest,” “wakes up singing”) to the small (“drew me a picture of a cat today,” “beard tickles pleasantly when we kiss”).
5. Mindless reading.This is something I turn to only when desperate, because I’ve read enough warnings about how screens can actually prevent you from sleeping to know better. But in dire cases, I will read something boring or soothing. In the soothing category is going through the archives of a much-loved blog, like Swistle’s or the Ask a Manager blog. (Although the latter can be potentially riling.) Or I will seek out a Wikipedia article on something I have very little interest in, like engines or stained glass or animal husbandry. Best case, I lull myself into sleep. Worst case, I learn something new which I can use to bore others to sleep.
If I absolutely STILL cannot fall asleep, I have found that the next step is getting out of the bed. Use the bathroom. Get a (small) drink of water. Walk around the house, checking on the other sleeping inhabitants. (Not recommended if you are in someone else’s house, or if you are hosting sleeping inhabitants who are not your own non-adult progeny; otherwise you risk troubling other people’s sleep for the rest of their creeped-out lives.)
Making a list often helps. Things that I am worrying about. Things I have to do the next day. Things I want to make for dinner. Things I want to eat right that second. Things I need to buy at Target. The content of the list doesn’t seem to matter as much as the act of list-making.
My Last Resort technique is to change my clothes. New underpants, new pajamas. Maybe I will even brush my hair and re-brush my teeth. It’s like a getting-ready-for-bed do-over.
I suppose the last last resort would be to just get up and start my day. But with all the above get-to-sleep techniques, I haven’t had to do that.
Yet. There’s still time.
Favorite parts:
1. “(In such cases, it’s critical to list the thing and move on quickly or else you can wind up feeling frustrated and put upon for having to be grateful for something as toilet paper rolls in the first place.)”
2. “Worst case, I learn something new which I can use to bore others to sleep.”
3. “…otherwise you risk troubling other people’s sleep for the rest of their creeped-out lives.”
I hate waking in the night and not being able to ho bsck to sleep. I have gotten a lot better about it over the last few years by realizing that some things are just not worth stressing about and thtefore losing sleep over. When I cannot sleep I pray. Similar to your poem idea – it is monotonous and it gives me comfort. I also lay reaaly still and sometimes realize in the morning that I was indeed sleeping again. If I really cannot sleep, I find getting something accomplished helps me feel better and I try for a nap later or if early enough I go back to sleep later. I workout every day and I find that by bedtime I am exhausted, which helps.
I hope your good streak continues.
As I’m sure I mentioned on Swistle’s post – I usually don’t have a problem going to sleep or staying asleep. Sometimes I do have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom – and I’m always concerned that I won’t get back to sleep. I usually do – but find that I have the weirdest dreams between the initial wake up call and the actual wake up.
When I have had issues falling asleep in the past – I’ve tried the breathing thing, counting backward from 100 (however many times as necessary) and the reciting something over and over. Usually one or the other will work for me…unless The Husband is snoring beside me. If that is the case then I’m doomed. Which also explains why I’m usually in bed asleep before he comes to bed – which might account for the fact that I usually don’t have a problem going to sleep!
Whenever I’m having trouble falling asleep, my go-to is melatonin. Typically, I fall asleep pretty easily so I know if it’s been about 30 minutes and I’m not yet asleep (usually because I can’t turn my brain off), melatonin does the trick. I’ll take a few pills and then read a few chapters in my book, and voila. Asleep.
I also LOVE watching ASMR videos on YouTube before I go to sleep. Probably harder if you have a partner, haha, but since it’s just me, I can just pull up one of my favorite ASMR channels and it really lulls me to sleep.
Getting BACK to sleep if I wake up in the middle of the night is more difficult because that’s when my anxiety is at its peak and wants to tell me I woke up because my body just KNEW something terrible had happened to someone I loved at that moment. Ughhh… it’s the worst. In that case, I’ll do deep breathing, start chanting calming words (“you’re safe, everyone is okay”).
Thank. you for this list. I had not realized until now that I actually do #1 myself. I often imagine myself sitting at a certain spot a place where everything was in balance and I felt totally content.
Also understand the reading part. I use my kindle for that too. I have banned the phone though from the bedroom. That light makes me wake up.
I also have been getting up to write brain dump lists. Feels good after that craziness is fixed on paper.