When you’re a kid, all of these things you’ll get to do when you’re a grownup line up in front of you like those shiny gold coins in a Super Mario Bros game. You want to collect them all.
“When I grow up, I’ll get to drive a car! Buy a house! Have a cat of my own! Get married! Have kids! Write a novel and be famous like Carolyn Keene!”
Of course, adulthood is not quite as shiny as your child self imagined it would be. There are bills and car payments and rent payments and insurance and finding a job and keeping a job and a billion other things that are too monotonous/depressing to talk about here.
But I want to talk about some of the NON-depressing things today, Internet.
Because I was cooking dinner last night and my husband called me to tell me he was coming home and he asked me “what’s for dinner?” and then he came home and told me he had some notes to write while dinner was finishing itself (you know, reducing and stuff. I like my food to work FOR me, Internet), but before he did he had to go change out of his work clothes and while he did that we talked about our days.
And all of a sudden I realized that I had morphed into my mother.
This is not a bad thing, Internet. It was just… surprising.
Because the little vignette I just describe had played out between my parents pretty much every night of my childhood. I remember watching my father come home and he and my mother would head upstairs while dinner cooked. They’d talk about their days as my dad changed out of his work clothes. (My mom usually got home earlier, so she’d already changed into jeans and a t-shirt or whatever.)
That’s what being adult means to me.
I mean, it means a LOT more, obviously. Like paying bills and working for a living and saving for retirement and putting your spouse before you and dealing with The Hard Stuff and mortgage payments and thinking about having kids and worrying about divorce/cancer/being fired/repaying loans/OMGsomuchtoworryabout.
But it was that moment, acting out this little scene of adult domesticity from my childhood, that I got a little (pleasant) pang of “wow, I’m a grown up.”
It gave me new perspective on my parents, too. How tired they must have been at the end of the work day. How eager to talk to each other, to change out of ties and high heels into comfy clothes, to shed the work persona for the spouse/parent persona, to squeeze a few minutes of time alone – possibly the only time they’d have for each other all day. How much they must have treasured that time together, the way I treasure that time with my husband – those few moments when we get to just talk, nothing distracting us, nothing pressing hurrying us along. Trading stories from our days, listening to each other, connecting.
How many of us act out that same little scene day after day?
It was a perfectly normal scene. One we’d repeated countless times. I don’t know why, but today it felt like an out-of-body experience. A weird sort of déjà vu.
As I stood there, watching my husband take off his tie, listening to him tell me about a particularly tough patient he had, I thought, “What else do I know now that was invisible to me then?”
Well, for one thing, my mom was a freaking saint.
She endured the question my husband asked me on his way home: “What’s for dinner?” And she dealt with it from three separate people nearly every single night.
As a kid, I didn’t have any concept of meal planning or writing a list and going to the grocery store or making sure the items you want in a meal are in the fridge/pantry/freezer. I don’t think I believed food materialized out of the mist. I just didn’t think about it.
And I would WHINE when I didn’t like what my mom was cooking. Or I’d WHINE about wanting something else.
Now, from my 30-year-old vantage point, I want to tell that little picky pants to shut her pie hole. Little girl, that question is going to drive you bonkers just a few decades from now. So don’t ask. And when your mom sets a plate in front of you, say “yum!”
Realizing that I knew exactly how my mother felt as she prepared dinner each night… and seeing myself through her eyes… Well, it was unexpected… And unexpectedly grown up.
What about you, Internet?
Are there any non-depressing things about life as a grown up that make you particularly aware of your grown-upness?
And non-depressing is key – because seriously, bills, taking care of sick parents, all that stuff definitely makes you feel adult. But there are good things, too! Like making whatever you want for dinner… Or eating cake for breakfast… Or choosing to leave the freshly washed laundry on the guest bed for three weeks before folding it. All good!
The bad things, well… We’ll all deal with them sooner or later.
Today I would like to hear the good things about being a grown up. Or the weird, unexpected things.
This might be strange but…last week I realized I had a bunch of vacation days to use up and had no plans to use them. So I hopped on the interwebs and looked up where I could fly for cheap. Next week I’m going to Mexico. Alone. For 5 days. I asked my SO if he wanted to come (he couldn’t take off of work). Besides him I didn’t tell anyone or ask anyone anything. I just booked my ticket.
Maybe it was the spontaneity? or not talking it through with anyone? or maybe its going on vacation alone? Not sure. But it feels quite adult.
The Carolyn Keene reference = I DIE. (I have my entire Nancy Drew collection at my parent’s house & when I have kids and create a nursery they are all coming over here. I can’t wait.)
As for the fun of being an adult = sometimes for dinner B & I go to Whole Foods, buy proscuitto, a cheap bottle of wine & as many cheeses that we can afford. Add a loaf of French bread and we have a picnic in our living room.
I’m a little obsessed with making dinner and it drives my husband bonkers. My daughter loves to ask what we’re having and usually says, “OH yum!” and she’s only 3 but I hope that sticks.
Mine would definitely be the doing whatever you want aspect. Although that has reduced some since the kid was born, but I love the free-will/free reign of being an adult.
Just the other day I was thinking of how when I was a kid I always wanted these ridiculous bookmarks when we were out shopping. Like the plastic kind with kittens or unicorns on them. My parents would never buy them for me, because hello–they had three kids and about a million other things to buy. So recently when I was at the bookstore I saw a stupid kitten bookmark I liked, and I bought it for myself. It felt awesome. A great thing about being grown up is that you can fulfill some of those silly childhood wants 🙂
Perhaps a Barbie Jeep is next?
Oh, I SO get this. I think the first time it happened to me was when a little kid at daycare called me “Nolan’s mommy.” When I was little all the neighborhood kids referred to my mom (even after they knew her name) as “Kristina’s mom” so it totally made me feel old. Because I don’t care how old I get I still think of my mom as a MOM and me as a 12 year old in a very old person’s body. 🙂
Also, I was just talking about the dinner thing last night with Nolan. He was complaining about what we were having and I said “Mommy works very hard to make a healthy dinner for you so I don’t want to hear you complain about it every night.” And then I died because that is a direct quote from my mother.
This post made me laugh out loud! I have felt like a real adult since graduating college and having a “real” job. Being able to buy fun things in the grocery store, like oreos just because I want to. Being able to watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon. Sleeping in because I can. 🙂
I think it hit me three years ago. At the time I was 28 had two kids, ages 4 and 2. I was driving them home from a trip to the library and it hit me. “Wow,” I thought. “I have two kids and I’m driving a minivan. I guess I’m an adult now.” I now have four kids and the husband is almost done with his MD/PhD program, but I still feel like a 14-year-old who just happens to be married with children.
This may not sound like a happy plus, but for me it was. The day I took my oldest daughter to the orthodontist and signed my life away for $4300 so she could have pretty, straight teeth I kind of just sat in the chair saying “Wow – I just spent thousands of dollars on something that I will really never benefit from” and in that moment I have never felt more like an adult/parent. It made me happy that I was dong this for my daughter, to improve her looks/life and it made me realize how much my parents sacrificed having 4 kids and one income because really, who can afford daycare for 4 kids??? Three years later my daughter has beautiful teeth and last week the dentist looked in my younger daughter’s mouth and said those dreaded words “It’s time she went to the orthodontist” – here we go again 🙂
I am not an high-schooler lacking in confidence any more. Thus being an adult is awesome. Oh, and I enjoy beer too…
I have apologized to my mom in adulthood though for asking about what’s for dinner. Even though I don’t particularly like cooking, I’m happy to do it because my job is at home and far less demanding, hours-wise. But planning dinner? Ugh. So don’t ask me about it.
I take great pleasure in being a “big person” when it comes to parenting… in fact – I chuckle to myself when I hear something my mom used to say (and annoy me greatly) come out of my mouth! I LOVE IT!!
Great post. I like your comment about your mom enduring you complain about what was for dinner. I probably did that a million times, and my mom never yelled at me. I almost get made when my husband asks me that question when I come home from a long day of work, and he is barely home haha.
I absolutely love this! And I couldn’t agree more!
Using the phrases “my husband” and “my daughter.” I use them all the time (obviously) and I still get a little shiver every time I say them.
This post was wonderful. Thanks for sharing! 🙂 I have to agree with you on DINNER. It did seem like it just appeared when I was a kid and now…wow! I realize how much work it takes. But, the freedom to sit around on the internet all day if you want…or take a nap…yeah, it’s pretty great.
Lots of things….I really relish doing things that seem slightly irresponsible and would drive my mother insane…. like leaving dirty dishes in the living room, not folding the clothes just as soon as they come out of the dryer (and leaving them on the guest room bed until I decide I want to use them), leaving the butter out so I always have soft butter. Little things, but I love the autonomy of doing so.
Buying junk at the grocery store. I don’t do it on a regular basis, but one example is when I was working a consistant job where I had to take my lunch everyday, I treated myself to those packed lunch things my Mom never bought… like the PB&J that all comes in the same jar, or individual bags of cheetos… or Hohos!
I really like this post. It is so strange growing up and realizing how amazing our parents are. That is, for those of us who are lucky and have amazing parents.
I am still waiting to feel all growed up, S. I felt more grown up 5 years ago when I owned a house and had a dog and worked in the yard on the weekends. I am regressing 🙂
You’re speaking to my heart. It STILL drives me nuts that when we go to my parents house that my entire family will sit around and do the whole “what’s for dinner” “what do you want for dinner” thing for an HOUR before making a decision. I think that my grown-up ability to plan a week worth of meals, go to the grocery store and buy everything and then make the meals without having to ask anyone’s opinion makes me feel particularly grown-up-ish.
Oh, and I recycle. And grow vegetables (well, tomatoes). Which I totally enjoy. And is very adult-like.
I’ve had the same out of body experiences MANY TIMES. It is so shocking…yet…comforting…yet unsettling at the same time when you realize that you are *gasP* an adult and even better/worse *SUPER LOUD GASP, clasp the hand to mouth* just like your parents. I think it hit me one Sunday morning as I got up, turned on the coffee machine, poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table (instead of my usual spot on the couch) to check out the grocery store flyer and see if there is anything I could come up with for dinner for the week.
I don’t know if this is a good thing but it is something I can look back on and laugh. A couple of years ago my son was in the hospital with a weird “breathing incident” thing. One night he had to pee and I was trying to help him maneuver the little pee jug. He was all tangled up in his pajamas and various monitors. Before I could get him all situated he sort of um … peed in my face. Then he started to cry because he felt so bad and because there was pee everywhere. Despite the fact that he had PEED IN MY MOUTH I calmed him down, got him cleaned up and re-situated before I properly freaked the eff out. It occurred to me at that moment that oh my god, I am such a grown up and such a mom. When did that happen? And I don’t even mean it in a bad way it’s just that I don’t remember when I grew up.
The other good thing about being a grown up? Cookie dough for breakfast.
Mmmm… I adored this post and it was perfect to read on a day like today where the weather is cool and feeling like fall and I’m just happy all around to be alive, but now, after reading your post, I am even more happy because I’m an adult.
One of my favorites is grocery shopping. Buying whatever it is *I* want to buy because *I* (or C) want it. Sometimes it’s total crap food. Sometimes it’s uber healthy. Either way, I’m calling the shots and I have always found that to be a quintessential aspect of adulthood.
I don’t particularly like to cook, but my cooking has gotten a lot better since my husband and I got married a year ago…Growing up, I’ve always thought that my mom was the best cook ever, so I sometimes wonder after hours of slaving away in the kitchen, “will my kids think that my food is the best they’ve ever tasted?” We don’t have children yet, but the thought of someday having one makes me feel like a grown up. Also, if I don’t really feel like cooking, it’s nice to have the freedom to decide where to eat.
I love getting to run errands when I come home, because getting things done for my household makes me feel like an adult. Something about running errands during lunch or after work makes me feel grown up. And I like that!
You continue to crack me up every time you write:) I can’t get enough of your :stuff: I hope you had a lovely weekend.
My post this Saturday will be about Carolyn Keene. And while I’m sure you’re not stalking me, this made me wonder.
(You’re not stalking me, right?)
(‘Cause I’m not saying I’d be against it if you are.)
Also, I sadly have no moments of being an adult.
It’s a curse.
Hi there !
I feel unexpectedly adult when driving in the car with my husband, kids are in the backseat playing, and we are having a quiet conversation up front. The first time a kid said “What are you talking about ?” it reminded me of being a child and wondering what my parents were talking about in the front seat.
I also feel like a very competent adult when I can get a quick, healthy dinner on the table in 20 minutes (pasta, steamed broccoli, heat n serve meatballs). Since I only started cooking regularly after the birth of my 2nd child, it still surprises me that I have recipes memorized or that I can make dinner quickly and easily.
The first part of this was sweet and poignant, and I loved it. The second part was funny and I loved it. I have nothing to add, in answer to the third part. Thank you. I enjoy the way you look at the world.
So late reading this post, but mine is Popcorn AND a drink, every time I go to the movies. Because I CAN. 🙂