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Posts Tagged ‘Grout’

9:30 a.m. Decide to take a “break” from work to clean up after the party.

 

Might as well do some laundry. Toss a load in the washer.

 

Begin in the kitchen.

 

Move all the chairs out of the kitchen.

 

Swiffer the floor with a dry washable cloth.

 

Vacuum up all the thousand little bits of leaf and chip crumbs and lettuce shred and assorted detritus that 12 adults and five children track in and out over the course of six (!) hours.

Grout Before 0

De-messified de-detritused floor.

Throw the wet clothes in the dryer.

 

Swiffer the floor with a wet disposable cloth.

 

Assorted other cleaning. Might as well do some more laundry. Fold the dryer load. Start a new load of sheets to soak in Oxy.

 

10:00 a.m. Hmmm. Is my grout really as dirty as I think it is? Would it really be that difficult to clean the grout?

 

Choose a small section of tile near the garage door. A “high traffic” area.

 

Assemble scrubber brush, Target brand bleach spray, elbow grease.

 

Oh my god how have we been living like this.

 

There is a Significant Difference between “dirty grout” and “cleaner grout.”

 

Sit back to admire small patch of cleaner grout.

Grout Before 1

HOW HAVE WE BEEN LIVING LIKE THIS.

Oh no. Now there is such a stark difference between the cleaner patch and the rest of the kitchen I HAVE TO clean the rest of the grout.

 

Also, turns out that scrubbing the grout doesn’t eliminate the dirt. It merely removes it from the grout and spreads it in a sickly grey puddle across the rest of the floor.

 

So: Additional supplies. Bucket of clean water, sponge, washcloth.

 

10:10 a.m. Decide that this project necessitates a plan, or I am going to end up in a remote corner of the kitchen with no way to escape lest I step on the freshly cleaned floor and RUIN MY EFFORT.

 

Begin at the far end of the kitchen by the laundry room.

 

Geez, this grout is dirty.

 

And wow, so are the baseboards.

 

When was the last time I cleaned the baseboards? Maybe if I just use the sponge to…

 

And look at the pantry doors. Filthy! What if I just scrub a little of the…

 

FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM AT HAND.

 

Scrub the grout, wipe clean with the sponge. Scrub the grout, wipe clean with the sponge.

 

10:19 a.m. Okay, am done with the little hallway. Let’s see how long it takes to do the next section, and then I can estimate how long this entire project will take.

 

Scrub the grout, wipe clean with the sponge. Scrub the grout, wipe clean with the sponge.

 

Oh geez, the sponge is starting to shed little blue spongelets. Do I need to get a new sponge? I CANNOT. The extra sponges are conveniently located in the laundry room, which is now down a sparkly clean and wet hallway.

 

No matter! The spongelets will surely dry and I can vacuum them up later!

 

How in the name of cheesy nachos have I been living in a house with such filth? I mean, I’m not what one might call “tidy” but I am definitely what one might call “germ averse” and I kind of always thought that translated into “clean.”

 

Oh, how I love bleach. I don’t use it nearly enough.

 

This is hard work. I think I am developing a blister on my scrubbing hand.

 

Why didn’t I do this BEFORE we had a bunch of people over?

 

I wonder if they are all exchanging furtive phone calls this morning: “She’s a nice lady and everything but did you see that grout?”

 

Crouching is not an intuitive posture.

 

Wow, my husband is going to be so impressed when he comes home and sees how sparkly this kitchen is.

 

This is taking forever. I have been doing this forever.

 

My husband BETTER be impressed. The first words out of his mouth better be, “Wow, this floor looks AMAZING.”

Is there a Roomba for this?

 

My hands are starting to feel… odd. A little tingly. Should I have perhaps worn gloves?

 

This is taking FOREVER. Despair is setting in. I have not even finished a QUARTER of the kitchen, and already it is lunchtime.

 

What am I going to eat for lunch? Obviously I will eat potato chips leftover from the party.

 

Okay, I am FINALLY DONE with this section of the floor. Probably an eighth of the entire kitchen. I am going to be doing this for the next twenty years. Time check:

 

10:29 a.m. Oh wow. That didn’t really take that long. But it felt like forevvvveeerrrrrr.

 

Can I give up? I can totally give up. A small section of floor that is now clean is better than not having done anything.

Grout Before + After 2

No choice but to keep going until the bitter end.

But… Look at the Dramatic Difference. It will be 100% clear that I just gave up. BAH.

 

More scrubbing. Is the bleach spray losing its efficacy? Am I scrubbing less heartedly? Heartily? Half-heartedly?

 

Wow, our floor is really scuffed up.

 

Hmmm. Some of those “scuffs” seem to be old-banana-turned-floor-adhesive. GONE.

 

Why oh why did I ever begin this stupid project? I WAS BETTER OFF NOT KNOWING JUST HOW GROSS THIS WAS.

 

Oh. No.

 

I am going to have to do this again in the future.

 

How often do people scrub their grout? Is this, like, a weekly thing? Monthly? Probably more often than “never,” though.

 

Okay, my finger is distinctly numb now. I probably have some bleach-related neuropathy that will leave me permanently tingly in my pointer finger. GREAT.

 

Everyone who visits my house from now on had better comment on how great my floors look.

 

11:00 a.m. Okay! I have reached the Quarter Floor mark! Time for lunch!

 

— Long break during which I eat, do some writing —

1:30 p.m. Time to resume. Let’s knock this thing out!

 

This time I will wear gloves. The only thing I can find are some gardening gloves that are… not waterproof.

 

Better than nothing! This is apparently my motto now!

 

Scrub the grout, wipe clean with the sponge.

 

Man, the clean grout doesn’t look AS CLEAN as I’d anticipated. It’s still a little greyish.

Grout After 3

This grout is ALL SCRUBBED. Even though it doesn’t really look like it.

NO MATTER. Let’s not dwell on that.

 

The water bucket seems to be getting grimier than it did earlier.

 

Should I be wearing a mask or something? Or opening windows? Breathing in all this bleach spray can’t be that good for me.

 

“Whatever happened to your beautiful, brilliant mother, Carla?” “Oh, it’s terribly sad. She ruined her lungs and fingers with bleach spray in a 2016 tragedy.” “I’m so sorry to hear that.” “Yes, truly devastating. But I have grown up with such a deep admiration for her dedication to clean living. Her motivations were pure.”

 

Why is there so much HAIR on my floor? How is it that my husband and daughter and I aren’t completely bald?

 

All visitors must immediately comment on how clean and beautiful my floor is or my life is worth nothing.

 

It doesn’t really LOOK LIKE it’s that clean, but IT IS.

Grout After 1

IT IS.

I vow from this day forth to heap effusive praise on my friends for their beautiful kitchen floors.

 

3:00 p.m. Finally all the grout has been scrubbed and sponged clean.

 

Now, a once-over with the wet disposable Swiffer cloths.

 

The floor looks remarkably similar to how it did before all this work.

Grout After 2

I swear I spent three hours scrubbing this floor. IT IS CLEAN.

— LESSONS LEARNED —

 

  1. Don’t even bother to clean your grout.
  2. If you do, it’s pretty satisfying in terms of cleaning projects. You can SEE the difference as you go, and it’s hard and physical. If I had Mad Feelings to work through, it would have been even better.
  3. I am 100% certain it counts as a High Intensity Workout, what with all the crouching and the vigorous scrubbing and the gripping of the scrub brush.
  4. As soon as some sort of Monetary Windfall drops our way (I am not anticipating such, but a girl can dream) I am going to replace all of this horrid tile with beautiful, easy-to-clean hardwood.
  5. OH CRAP. All three bathrooms are tiled in this same tile, and now I need to clean THAT grout.

 

It smells much too enthusiastically of bleach in here. I am going to go take a shower.

GRATIFYING UPDATE: My husband not only noticed the floor, he kept commenting on it! He must have marveled at how clean it was a good three or four times. Am very smug. Despite the fact that the inside of my nose now permanently smells like bleach.

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