Five Things

Stephany over at Stephany Writes posted about five things she misses, doesn’t miss, and feels grateful for during this pandemic. What a good way to summarize our current feelings about these past strange months!

Five Things I Miss…

1. My barre classes. Man, do I miss these. This has been my favorite type of exercise over the past year or so and I really miss a) moving my body and b) having a full hour where ALL I thought about was moving my body. It’s also hard to imagine ever feeling comfortable going back to barre class – the rooms were often packed pretty full of women, and that seems like something that will make me feel pretty anxious for a long time.
2. A quiet house. In the Before Times, I was alone in my house almost every week day from 8:00 to 2:45. I could work out, I could write, I could think. All without interruption. I think back on that silence with wistful nostalgia. Now, I am never not alone. Well. Except on the panic-ridden drive to the grocery store every two weeks or so. Even when I am “alone” – in my room, for instance – there’s a constant stream of noise. Carla singing the fifty nifty United States song at the top of her lungs. Her robotic tiger growling and meowing. A podcast playing on our Amazon Echo. A displaced dog barking its displeasure from the yard next door. The murmur of my husband talking to patients in his office. The sound of Carla’s teachers and classmates from their Zoom meeting. Right now as I am typing this, Carla is in the next room working on her writing assignment. She is humming “Into the Unknown” from Frozen II. Every few minutes, she asks me for help spelling a word or pops into my room to have me read a page of the story she’s working on. And we work in 15 minute blocks, so even during her most focused studying, I only have 15 minutes to myself.
3. Popping to the store for a forgotten item. I have always been a meal planner, so I’m accustomed to doing a single shopping trip for a week’s worth of meals. But if I underestimated the amount of lettuce we had or forgot to get a key ingredient or had a last-minute urge for fresh raspberries, I could just pop over to the store – any store! – and get what I needed. I will never take this for granted again. Now, I plot out every item I need with the rigid focus of a general planning out a siege.
4. My housecleaner. I miss her every single day.
5. Alone time with my husband. We didn’t go on date nights super frequently, but we did try to make a point to have a date every four to six weeks. And I really miss that time alone with him. Now, it’s the three of us all day every day. And poor Carla – she’s so lonely and starved for attention that she needs ALL our attention as often as we can give it. My husband and I can hardly have a conversation because she keeps interrupting. Obviously, from an etiquette/respect perspective, we are working on the don’t interrupt issue. But I also feel so bad for her. She is a very social kid and she is SO isolated from her peers. She is desperate for interaction. My husband and I are also both introverts, and we’re both struggling with all of this being together all the time. So often, after dinner, we split up instead of spending time just the two of us. We just need an hour or so ALONE, so I will watch Veronica Mars while he plays video games. And then it’s time for bed. I really miss having dedicated time that’s just for US, but right now, we are prioritizing time with Carla and then time by ourselves. Believe me – it’s important for our collective sanity.

Five Things I Do NOT Miss…

1. The morning rush to get out of the house. Okay, so we are still doing it – sort of – to get Carla to her morning meeting on time. But the mornings start later, are more leisurely, and have way less pressure on them.
2. All of Carla’s activities. Man, I am so relieved to not have to shuttle Carla around to ballet and swimming and everything else she does. Our packed Wednesday schedule, in particular, is something I am glad to have left behind.
3. Birthday parties. Okay, so we have attended one birthday parade for a classmate of Carla’s during the pandemic. But that’s WAY less pressure/stress than spending two hours attending a child’s birthday, mingling with parents, and feeling incredibly awkward the whole time.
4. Keto. While I am aware that I am developing some VERY bad eating habits (it is going to be really difficult to give up my nightly chips-and-cheese-dip), I am really, really delighted to have an excuse to give up my diet. (Yes, yes, I know dieting is completely voluntary. And there’s absolutely nothing WRONG with a nightly chips-and-cheese-dip.)
5. Having to wear Real Clothes. Leggings 4-Eva, baby! I may never wear a real bra again.

Five Things I’m Grateful For (that are obviously above and beyond our health and that of our loved ones)…

1. Having my husband around more often. Okay, setting aside the stressful fact that he’s not working as much, it has been SO NICE to have my husband home more regularly. Right now, his patient load means that he’s home around three o’clock most afternoons. But there have been many days when he’s been able to work from home – and a few days where he’s had no patients at all. And he’s been able to help supervise Carla with her schoolwork… and he’s been able to go bike riding with her, and wrestle with her, and play in the backyard, and play video games with her, and spend all sorts of really great time with her. She absolutely adores him, and it’s been SO GREAT that they have had this extra time together.
2. Carla’s teachers. These women have been working SO HARD to adapt their lesson plans to an online platform. They are doing everything they can to engage the kids and educate them. To provide enough work to challenge the kids, but not so much that it will overwhelm them (or the parents). To offer flexibility in assignments and scheduling so that the kids aren’t feeling stressed out or pressured. To give the kids opportunities to connect with them and with one another. Carla has been increasingly frustrated and despondent with schoolwork, and has been needing more one-on-one time with her teachers… and they’ve been so generous with their time, and so gentle and loving with her. I overhear them talking with her and they are so kind to her – offering her praise and encouragement, empathizing with her about missing school and about how hard distance learning is, showing her their cats and puppies when she asks — that I am nearly always teary when she ends their meetings. They are magical women and I adore them and I am so sad that we won’t get to see them again and give them a proper goodbye.
3. Extra time with Carla. Sure, we want to murder each other on the daily. But outside of that, this extra time together is such a blessing. I am trying to soak it up. I am getting an intimate understanding of Carla’s strengths and limitations when it comes to school. I am getting ample opportunities to cuddle with her and read to her and play with her. I am constantly testing my ability to be more patient, more loving, more understanding. And she is rapidly approaching age seven, which, as well all know, is basically Adult Ready to Leave Home for Good, so I am deeply grateful that I get to spend this time with her while she’s still little.
4. The internet’s vast array of recipes. It’s been fun to try some new recipes during this period of isolation. You have too many overripe bananas? The internet has a solution. Want to make naan to go with your homemade Indian-style food? The internet’s got you. Need something delicious to appease your sweet tooth? The internet will offer up all sorts of options. I have been taking FULL advantage of the internet’s wealth of food blogs with pretty good success.
5. Unique ways of getting together with friends. My husband and I are not all that social, but we have been taking advantage of Zoom and HouseParty and FaceTime to get together with friends. It’s been WAY less stressful for me – no need to clean the house or even put on makeup! no need to make dinner or anything beyond my own cocktail! – and it’s been a surprisingly satisfying way to spend time together. I would say we’ve been more social than we are normally, simply because it’s so easy and low-pressure.

 

How about you? What have been the stand-outs for you, during this pandemic? Things you long for, things you are grateful to leave behind in The Time Before, things you find yourself feeling thankful for on the regular?