One year ago today, as I was driving home from work, I decided that it couldn’t hurt to stop at the grocery store and buy a pregnancy test.
Twelve months later, like magic, there’s an honest-to-goodness BABY in my life. (Okay, so it took less than twelve months from pregnancy test to actual infant. The baby is, after all, nearly four months old at this point. YES I KNOW I AM A TERRIBLE BLOGGER.)
I’ve wanted to post about the baby – I mean, obviously, the baby is kind of top of my mind these days. But it’s difficult.
First, from a practical standpoint, it’s hard to write about the baby while still maintaining my (loose semblance of, yes I know) anonymity. Part of that – and part of a deal I made with my husband – is that there will be no photos of the baby online. Not here, not on Facebook, not on Twitter. (Although apparently we don’t have control of OTHER people posting photos of our kid online GAH.) But because I want to post cute baby photos and talk about cute things the baby does, well, the “being anonymous” and “no baby photos online” things are kind of a blog blocker.
Also, I am not sure how to write about this baby while still making the blog about ME. You know, being able to write freely about my experiences and feelings while still being protective of the Future Grown Child and whatever embarrassment/anger my posting might cause someday.
And second (third?), there’s not a lot of TIME to write these days. The baby sleeps a decent amount, but I have this inability to move the sleepy, snuggly baby off my person to the crib, which I am sure you can understand. (Also, sleeping on my person is the way the baby sleeps best.) When the baby is not sleeping, that means near-constant Doing Things. Sure, they are not things that really involve a lot of actual DOING – more like “walking/bouncing around the house” and “reading Sandra Boynton books aloud, or sometimes Margaret Atwood if the baby so requires” – but still, they don’t really offer a whole lot of time for blogging.
Thirourth, I am still ridiculously emotional about All Things Baby, so I am having a hard time just getting ANYTHING down. For example, I really wanted to record the story of the birth. Like, REALLY. And even create, out of the birth story, an edited version for the blog. But I can’t get the whole story down! It makes me cry (not because anything really BAD happened, just so you don’t worry) because it was such a Big Thing, and I get upset thinking about how RAW everything was – EMOTIONALLY, sheesh – and then I get all nostalgic for the enormous amount of time that has already passed, and then I start picturing first steps and high school and doctoral degrees and my possible future grandchildren and ACK. SOB. No writing gets done.
But I miss blogging. I miss YOU. I mean, I get little tidbits about some fellow bloggers from Twitter, which is awesome, but I miss TALKING to you about the whole shebang. All the details. I have so many questions! I have so many conflicting emotions that I want to discuss with you! I want you to fall in love with the baby the way I have!
And some little non-photographic details about the baby, in case you are curious:
We had a baby girl.
She made her appearance 16 days after her due date. (Yes, SIXTEEN DAYS. Where is my medal?)
She shares a first name with a queen and a civil rights activist. (It is a family name.)
She is – so far; I am well-versed in The Law of Babies Will Prove Anything Wrong You Put About Them on the Internet – a very easy-going, happy baby who sleeps well. (Although she has clearly ruined my ability to craft elegant sentences, or even sentences with a semblance of clear grammatical structure.) (I know, I know – don’t blame the baby.)
She is constantly in motion – even while sleeping: she rotates in circles throughout the night. She wants to gogogo all the time. The day after she entered her third month, she rolled over, as if to say, “Okay, conquered THAT milestone – now what?” and now is trying valiantly to get up on her hands and knees so she can begin to crawl. SIGH. Slow DOWN, Baby!
We really lucked out with this kiddo. She is very quiet – so far, not (again, tempting fate here) really a crier. She really only cries when she’s hungry (or hurt – as I know from the two-month shots), and fusses a little when she’s tired or bored. She likes to be held, but doesn’t like to be fussed with. She is lately experimenting with some dolphin noises, which I currently find adorable (check back after she’s been doing it for a few weeks).
She already has so much personality. I feel so incredibly lucky that she’s mine.
Her smiles knock me dead.
I am so in love with her.