Wish List (of Righteous Indignation)

Listen, to be honest with you, this isn’t really a wish list so much as it is a series of complaints/whines. But “wish list” sounds a lot more positive than “Complaint Department” doesn’t it?

(Now one of your complaints/wishes will be that people are just HONEST about what their so-called “content” is rather than getting your hopes up with false positivity. GAH.)

Wish 1: I wish that the people who were in charge of “designing” public restrooms actually tested their restrooms for usability before setting up shop. Or, barring that, that they actually had ever once USED a public restroom before in their own lives. Because it is clear that MOST public restroom “designers” have no idea what goes on in the restrooms. Or perhaps they are all sadists who get great delight in picturing women of size-anything-above-a-zero squeezing between the stall door and the stall walls in order to get INTO the stall without having to snuggle up against the – often disgusting – toilet.

To be fair, not ALL restrooms are terrible. Just MOST.

The Minneapolis airport restrooms are pretty great. They are deep and roomy, so that not only can you enter without unintentionally cleaning the outer rim of the toilet with your pant leg, but you can also comfortably co-exist with your suitcase while you do your business.

Of course, it’s not really reasonable to head over to MSP every time nature calls.

So I maintain that restroom “designers” – or at the very least, the builders/owners/proprietors of the places CONTAINING the restrooms – need to try them out to see how well they work.

Let me also say: restrooms with air dryers should a) have automatic sinks AND b) either have a door that pushes OUT or no door at all, and restrooms with doors you have to pull on the way out should a) have paper towels and b) have a garbage can – preferably one with no lid – located right next to the door handle.

Wish 2: I really wish that I were the type of person who, when faced with a New or Confusing Task, could just plow right in and get ‘er done, rather than over-thinking, and researching, and getting more confused, and finally just putting the whole thing on the back burner because it is TOO DIFFICULT and then having to face it again, at a later and possibly more urgent date. I also wish my husband were not exactly like me in this regard.

Wish 3: I wish that our home inspector had pointed out, almost two years ago, that the filter for our furnace had been installed UPSIDE DOWN, which means that every air filter we insert gets eventually sucked into the furnace and catches on fire. Then maybe we could have gotten the former homeowners to pay for a) turning the filter right side up or b) replacing the whole stupid filter mechanism to fit the cheaper and newer air filter models instead of us having to worry about and pay for it.  IT’S JUST SO ANNOYING.

Wish 4:  I wish that choosing meals for the week weren’t such a mind-numbingly frustrating experience. It seems we eat the SAME FOODS week after week, to the point that eating is no longer fun or desirable. Yet we have the HARDEST TIME coming up with new recipes that a) sound appetizing to both of us, b) aren’t going to take four hours to make, and c) are good enough to add to the normal rotation. I hope that nice weather is on its way so that we can at least have the option of throwing a chicken breast onto the grill. Boring it may be, but it’s easy and quick.

Wish 5: I wish people would drive the speed limit. My work commute is a long straight street that alternates between areas of 25 and 35 miles per hour. It seems to me that 75% of drivers get up to 27 or 30 and then put on the cruise control.  I’m not asking you to speed, I promise. Just TAKE A LOOK AT THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT AND GO THAT SPEED.

Wish 6: And while I’m complaining wishing about driving? I would also throw in a wish that people on a four-lane road would not stop to let cars turn in front of them unless the person in the next lane is ALSO AWARE that this is happening. Can you picture what I mean? Say you are stopped at a stoplight, and you are in the left lane of two lanes going east. And the person in the right (curb) lane directly next to you allows a car to pull out of a parking lot and into the lane in front of him. TOTALLY FINE. And if the parking lot person wants to turn left, and I am stopped at the light, then I am happy to let him pull in front of the right (curb) lane person AND in front of me and turn left into the west-bound traffic.

But if there are no cars in the left lane – ie, in front of me – and/or the light is GREEN instead of red, then NO, Person in the Right (Curb) Lane, allowing the parking lot driver to pull out and turn left in front of me is not BEING NICE, it is FACILITATING AN ACCIDENT.

Wish 7: I wish that Blond Woman at the Clinique counter last weekend had some freaking self awareness. You see, I have paid Careful Attention to the Internet, which is full of cautionary tales about how once you have kids, most people treat you as though you are Invisible or An Annoyance. So I have tried to change my behavior to be especially tolerant of/solicitous to mothers.  Last weekend, I went to the Clinique counter to get more moisturizer. It was evening, and I was the only one in the vicinity of the Clinique counter except for the woman who was already being helped by the Clinique Salesclerk. I waited for maybe two or three minutes as the salesclerk helped the lady with her purchase. While I was waiting, another woman came up to the counter and stood in line behind me. She had a double stroller, in which sat a toddler and an infant. The infant was getting fussy, and the mother had to push the stroller back and forth to keep the infant from crying. (Which, of course, made the toddler complain; he was eating ice cream and the back-and-forth motion was preventing him from spooning the ice cream into his mouth as easily as he would have liked.) We waited for what seemed like an interminably long time as Salesclerk helped her first customer.

Finally – FINALLY – Salesclerk sent the first woman on her way. And she looked over at those of us in line and said, brightly, “Who’s next?”

So I said, “This lady is,” and pointed at the mother. Because seriously, it was the LEAST I could do, to give up my spot in line so that she could collect her night cream or whatever and get her kids home to their dinner.

But instead of helping the mother? Salesclerk started helping a THIRD WOMAN who had materialized out of nowhere!  (Seriously – she must have JUST walked up, because the mother and I were alone in the Clinique area for a LONG TIME.)

And the interloper? DIDN’T DENY THAT SHE WAS NEXT! She just sashayed up to the counter and made her demands, which, of course, required Salesclerk to go trotting off with her to test out some new blush or something. The transaction took another ten minutes.

Listen. I get that standing in line is frustrating. But WE ARE LIVING IN A SOCIETY, PEOPLE! You stand in line! If you weren’t there first, you DON’T GO FIRST! If there’s a QUESTION about your position in the line, you look politely at the other people standing in the line and say, “Are you next or am I?” or the like. You don’t CUT AHEAD OF TWO PEOPLE, one of whom is a mom with TWO SMALL CHILDREN and the other of whom is PREGNANT AND LIKELY CRANKY.  It is UN-AMERICAN.

(Instead of just standing there, agape, as I am wont to do, I DID call after Salesclerk and say, “No, THIS woman – the one with the kids!” But she and Blond Line Cutter remained oblivious to my protestations.)

(I obviously STILL let the mom go in front of me. It was the longest amount of time I’ve ever spent trying to buy a 3-ounce tub of moisturizer.)

Wish 8: I wish I had never watched Ted.

Wish 9: I wish I could come up with enough complaints to make this list a list of 10 things.

 

Well, it seems that I have wish-listed myself into quite the Froth of Righteous Indignation here, Internet.

Won’t you please share your own complaints wishes? I hope you WILL. Because sometimes the only thing that helps rid the mind of grumbling is to hear what’s annoying the marmalade out of someone else.

P.S. Thank you THANK YOU for your sweet comments on my last post. I have a LOT to say, and will find some time to post about this whole baby thing as soon as I can. Thank you for reading and for sharing in this exciting chapter of my life.

P.P.S. Wish 10: Man, I wish that last bit wasn’t so cheesy.