You need to know a few things before you read this (likely over-long) post:
- I did not know what “bloopers” were until I read Swistle’s delightful and drool-inducing post on the topic.
- I do not particularly like chocolate, although I do like it sometimes. For instance, my mother sent me a box of chocolates for my birthday and I ate 90% of them, only giving a few to my husband VERY BEGRUDGINGLY.
- Whenever I write a post that forces you, Internet, to take sides between me and my husband – which I have done, to this point, exactly once, not counting this post you are in the midst of either reading or clicking away from – I feel morally obligated to reference Temerity Jane, who writes not-really-the-same-at-all-but-similar-enough-that-I-feel-morally-torn-type posts (only better and with more hilarity). (This is purely a moral obligation, not a Temerity-Jane-imposed obligation.)
I endured a situation the other day where my husband and I totally, fully, 100%ly disagreed with each other about a decision. And I believe that one of us is Right, and the other is Wrong, and I want to know where you stand.
I don’t really know WHY I want to know where you stand, other than that I really enjoy hearing your thoughts on things. Particularly on silly things that make no difference to the universe as a whole. Because these silly, meaningless things occupy a whole lot of my mind-time and brain-space.
Because no matter what you feel about this matter, and no matter how CONVINCINGLY you argue your position, it will not change things. Perhaps, if you agree with me, I will feel the sense of vindication and absolution that only comes from having hordes of faceless readers agree with you. Perhaps, if you agree with my husband, I will look at him and his decision-making skills in a different light. (Note: Unlikely) But you will not affect the actual choice, which has been made and stuck by although one of us is possibly still WHINING about the decision.
Anyway, as before, I am going to try to present both sides as fairly and unbiasedly as possible, which is a real challenge in this situation as you are about to see.
And once you, the jury, have gathered all the evidence from both sides (although I suppose it is a LITTLE one-sided, considering that my husband is a. not helping me write this post and b. likely does not care what you think) (he’s not a jerk, he just doesn’t know you and respect you like I do), I would like to hear your thoughts on who was Right and who was Wrong and whether there are any mitigating circumstances to consider yada yada blah.
Here is the situation:
My husband and I went to a local chocolate store to buy a housewarming gift for someone. (It was a box of chocolate covered pretzels, if you care.) (Dark chocolate.)
(Chocolates pictured not pretzels. Or in any way related to this post. I just thought all the words could use some sprucing.)
While there, I selected a smallish bag of Sour Patch Kids ($1.40). And then we wandered around the store so that my husband could choose a treat for himself.
The store was wonderfully Eastered out. There were bunnies and chicks and flowers and eggs and all sorts of Easter-y confections.
I mean, you should have seen the array of eggs. Caramel dipped in chocolate. Marshmallow dipped in chocolate. Caramel and marshmallow melded together into some magical concoction that defies naming (except by the store marketers, who named it, appropriately if not very inventively, Caramallow) dipped in chocolate. Plain milk chocolate. Plain dark chocolate. Both kinds of chocolate with nuts. Chocolate eggs filled with all sorts of things, from raspberry cream to chocolate fudge to coconut.
(They also had a section of chocolate crosses. Which… seems to cross [accidental pun] some sort of line, no? I mean, I’m not a very religious type of person. But I am not sure that what I can recall from Sunday School lessons and church sermons meshes well with an edible cross.)
Anyway, as we made our way around the store, we came across a little table near the back that held rows of white paper bags. Each bag was filled with a wide assortment of chocolates – the kind you find inside a variety pack of See’s or Russell Stover. There was a little window on each bag so you could see the chocolates inside, tumbling around together in a little sugary orgy.
They were called something like Sweet Slipups and immediately I recalled Swistle’s post on the bloopers and knew that’s exactly what they were and shared this information with my husband.
(Turns out there was a large notice on one side of the table that spelled out exactly what the slipups were… but I had my epiphany before I’d read it.)
Anyway, the sign said that each bag was $9.95.
You could get three bags for $9.99.
One of us was PRO buying three bags of slipups for $9.99.
The other one of us was AGAINST buying three bags of slipups for $9.99.
The one of us who really wanted to buy the slipups felt like it was a fantastic deal. For one thing, each bag contained 16 ounces of chocolates. That’s an entire pound of chocolate for, essentially, $3.33.
That is… unheard of. Especially for high-quality chocolate produced by this local chocolate legend.
It is also a deal that is unlikely to be seen EVER AGAIN, especially considering that we have been to this store approximately eleventy billion times and this is the first time we’ve seen them.
The one of us who was opposed to buying the slipups pointed out that we did not go into the chocolate store intending to buy nearly $10 worth of chocolate for ourselves, so why would we do so now?
Plus, three pounds of chocolate – even at such a low price – is a LOT of chocolate. Who can eat that amount of chocolate? Who SHOULD eat that amount of chocolate?
And aren’t we both trying to eat really well to counteract all the high-fat, high-calorie deliciousness we’ve been eating on our travels to seven gabillion Interview Locations?
The person who really wanted the chocolate pointed out that we could give away at least some of the chocolate.
The person who did not want the chocolate pointed out that we could not think of anyone to give the chocolate to. (And we agreed that giving it as a housewarming gift instead of the previously-selected pretzels seemed like cheating, somehow.)
The person who really wanted the chocolate pointed out that chocolate does not go bad all that quickly, and just think of all the money we’d save on desserty stuff in the future?
The person who did not want the chocolate acknowledged that having a lot of chocolates on hand for possibly months seemed like a not-horrible idea… But then noted that there was no way to tell which chocolates were in the bags. What if all three bags were full of [other person’s least favorite chocolate ever]?
The person who really wanted the chocolate had eyes only for the deal and brushed off the idea that the contents of the bags could be anything but delicious. And in any case, we would have such riches of chocolates, we could simply throw away any bad seeds and still have plenty to choose from!
The person who did not want the chocolate said, firmly, “We do NOT need three pounds of chocolate.”
The person who really wanted the chocolate wheedled, “But it’s SUCH a great deal!”
We left the store with:
1) One box of dark chocolate-covered pretzels
2) One small bag of sour patch kids
3) One chocolate egg filled with dark chocolate fudge
So, Internet, what do you think?
Is $9.99 for THREE POUNDS of chocolate not the absolute best deal in the whole universe?
Or is it TOTALLY and COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS to buy that much chocolate, on a whim no less, and be out nearly $10 we didn’t intend to spend and up probably 20 pounds by the magic of chocolate-consumption math?
And if you think that chocolate is stupid, what kind of deal would make you cave like a sad, pathetic, deal-caver?
And no matter what you think, what is your favorite kind of from-an-assortment chocolate?
I think my favorites are the caramels. Although I do like a good raspberry cream.
The ones with nuts or coconut – blech. I cannot deal with those. (Unless the nut is a solitary almond.)
And I hate raisins. (Do people even put raisins in chocolate? If they do, they should stop.)
There is no logical end to this post.