Do you ever have those days where nothing goes right?
Yesterday, I got done with work with plenty of time to make dinner – or at least get it started – before my husband came home.
But I hadn’t taken the fish out of the freezer to defrost.
So I took it out and unwrapped it (my husband stuck it in the freezer with the paper wrapper still on).
First off, my fingers stuck to the giant fish popsicle. Secondly, some of the paper just wouldn’t peel off. So I ran the fish under some cold water to help loosen its iron grip on the paper bits.
That’s when I dropped the fish in the sink, right into the garbage disposal.
If you know me at all, you will know that I immediately threw the fish away. Because I cannot deal with that.
(I know it’s wasteful, okay? But I wouldn’t be able to eat it knowing it had been IN the disposal. Yes, I understand that the heat of the stove would have killed bacteria – maybe – or that I could have washed it off yada yada YUCK.)
So I took a deep breath and considered Plan B: we had some pork chops sitting in the freezer. So I took them out, successfully transported them into a Zip-loc bag, and put them in a dish with some warm water to defrost.
I grabbed the broccoli from the fridge, pleased that we were finally going to use it. (I bought it a week ago Sunday but we didn’t end up eating it.)
I sprayed some veggie spray into the bottom of a big pot and filled the pot with water so I could dump all the broccoli florets into it as I chopped them.
The first floret I cut off the stalk had a teeny little spider on it.
Let me say EW first, before I acknowledge that yes, veggies sometimes have bugs in them. I’ll occasionally find little flies in the red leaf lettuce. Once I had a horrifying experience of chopping off the step of a jalapeno and watching as a giant, spiny caterpillar climbed out of it onto my counter.
So I shuddered a little and tossed the floret into the now-empty-of-fish garbage disposal. But that wasn’t going to keep me from eating the broccoli. I mean, I’d just watch carefully for other bugs.
I cut off a few florets and tossed them into the pot of water.
And then I noticed a pale spot on the top of another floret. Probably just some dirt or something, I thought.
No. Internet, it was a SPIDER WEB. On my broccoli.
For a few seconds, I tried to be brave.
I’ll just cut out the spider webby pieces, I told myself.
But then I came to my senses and decided that no way in hell was I going to eat broccoli that was spider web adjacent.
So I threw out the broccoli and dumped the water down the drain. Then I went to put the pot on the counter, shaking my head at the fact that I’d JUST WASHED IT, and now I would have to wash it AGAIN, just for holding some spider webby crucifers for a few minutes.
To make room for the pot, I unloaded the dishwasher. As I put away the LAST PLATE, I realized that ohmygod I hadn’t actually RUN the dishwasher the night before. So I’d just put away DIRTY DISHES.
If you know me at all, you know that I can’t deal with something like that. So I had to retrace my steps and load the dishwasher back up with all the dishes I’d pulled out… Plus the dishes they’d touched. Which, in the case of the silverware, was ALL OF THE SILVERWARE.
It was 7:30 by this time. There was no way I could wait for the dishes to run through before making dinner. So when my husband called to say he was on his way home, I asked him to pick up a frozen pizza at the grocery. That requires a pizza cutter and tin foil – neither of which were in the dishwasher.
It wasn’t until after 11:00 that I remembered the pork chops, languishing in water, fully defrosted to room temperature, and completely unsalvageable.
Ohhh, your cooking was just NOT in the cards that night! 😉
And for the record? I would’ve tossed out the spidery foods too.
I hate nights like that. I TRY SO HARD, all for naught. I probably would’ve given up after the fish though. lol.
I have to agree with Jessica – after the slippery fish mishap I would have called it a night, and called for takeout!!
You definitely get an A for effort and determination 🙂
Oh no! It was just one of those nights, wasn’t it? I laughed at the “spider webby” pieces.
Oh, man – what a night! Things were not going your way! Frozen pizza has saved me in several of those types of predicaments, too. Also? HELL NO. There is no way I would have kept the spidery/webby broccoli! I’m shocked to hear that you even considered it, frankly, knowing how particular you are 🙂
I commend you for not giving up sooner. Last night was just not your night! I would’ve given up and gotten take-out after the spider.
And as for the jalapeno caterpillar, holycowIwouldhavedied! I don’t even dislike insects, but I certainly don’t anticipate them living in my food!
Oh my word! I’ve had those days and I’m totally with you with throwing the food away – bleck! Ever since being in Mexico and seeing a tiny insect on a piece of my steamed broccoli (sp), I will not eat steamed veggies anywhere other than my home. lol
oh my what a night you had! Sounds like it just wasn’t in the cards for you to cook that meal! Oh, btw I made the pumpkin muffins on Sunday morning – I realized AFTER that I had “non-baking” butter (WHAT DOES THAT MEAN) and that I probably wouldn’t have had near as “heavy” muffins if I would have sifted my flour – but that would require having a sifter. I don’t think it mattered though. There were only 5 left after the football-watching-chili-party was over 🙂
DESPAIR! Pizza was the right move.
I once got grapes with little spiders all over them. I still feel a little freaked about grapes. It’s been…more than 10 years.
I was going to say, after the fish fell down the garburator, I would have been ordering pizza. Good on ya for persisting longer!
I loathe those kinds of days. Yesterday was one of them for me too.
Crap! I hope you had a giant glass of wine with your pizza!
That sounds like quite the event going down at your house.
I HATE days where everything seems to go wrong… I have way too many of those days lately!!
I hope you enjoyed your pizza 🙂
Oh my goodness, what an event!
I had a similar experience this weekend. My guy, D, had been on call the entire weekend and was going to be home around 9:00pm. I had gone out galavanting in the sun for most of the weekend so felt that at the very least I should have a nice meal for him when he went home.
I defrosted some pork chops, peeled/ chopped up some potatoes and put them on the stove, cleaned broccoli (no spiders!) and put it in the pot, and got a start on my strawberry spinach salad. All was going well and I still had a lot of time on my hands so I thought I’d go for a run.
Well 60 minutes and 10K later, I come back sweaty and tired and…uh oh, severely hypoglycemic! By the time D got home I was curled up on the bed trying not to vomit. Not only did he have to attend to me for 25 minutes after being on call for 30 some odd hours, but then he had to go finish making dinner too!
Wow, gold star for me that day ;S.
I call those kinds of nights a kitchen curse. The only way to break it is with a bottle of wine and takeout and steering clear of any cooking whatsoever for at least 24 hours. As much as those nights stink when they’re happening, your post cracked me up 🙂
That is a night!! A spider web!! I would have freaked out and probably would have thrown the pot in the trash too. LOL. That was definitely a pizza night.
The spider web would have been the last straw for me so kudos to you for even attempting a home-cooked meal after that. As for the pork chops, call me a Grossy McGrosserson, but wouldn’t they have been OK if you stuck them in the fridge and cooked them for dinner the next night?
Um, seriously, that is not a fun night. And I have to give it to you because I would have ordered a pizza right after dropping the fish in the disposal. And then I probably would have sat on the kitchen floor and cried.
God, I hate days like that.
Also, I have a hard time eating Swiss chard now, since the last time I did, I pulled the leaves out of my garden and had to triple wash them to get all the little buggies off. I still think a few bugs hung on and would up in my curry, too. RALF.
So this happens to me on a regular basis. Sunday night, the night on which I Do Not Cook, I decided I was going to be Kick Ass and cook. So I made my favorite quick and easy and cheap steak menu, and then dropped the steak on the floor transferring it from the pan to plate. And yeah, I drop pieces of meat in the sink/on the floor/in the trash(?!) all the time.
I have this theory that people like us (being relatively well-to-do Americans who have never suffered from un-self-imposed hunger) have less tolerance for eating questionable things. My grandparents grew up in the depression and ate all kinds of questionably bad/just plain bad stuff because that was all they had. So they have bonafide stomachs of steel. Me? I eat 24-hour-old leftovers and feel queasy. I just can’t do it!
The moral of this story is You Are Not Alone!
A spider? I would have ran away screaming, made the husband throw it away and I would have avoided the kitchen the rest of the night. You are braver than I. Kudos.