Do you ever have those days where nothing goes right?
Yesterday, I got done with work with plenty of time to make dinner – or at least get it started – before my husband came home.
But I hadn’t taken the fish out of the freezer to defrost.
So I took it out and unwrapped it (my husband stuck it in the freezer with the paper wrapper still on).
First off, my fingers stuck to the giant fish popsicle. Secondly, some of the paper just wouldn’t peel off. So I ran the fish under some cold water to help loosen its iron grip on the paper bits.
That’s when I dropped the fish in the sink, right into the garbage disposal.
If you know me at all, you will know that I immediately threw the fish away. Because I cannot deal with that.
(I know it’s wasteful, okay? But I wouldn’t be able to eat it knowing it had been IN the disposal. Yes, I understand that the heat of the stove would have killed bacteria – maybe – or that I could have washed it off yada yada YUCK.)
So I took a deep breath and considered Plan B: we had some pork chops sitting in the freezer. So I took them out, successfully transported them into a Zip-loc bag, and put them in a dish with some warm water to defrost.
I grabbed the broccoli from the fridge, pleased that we were finally going to use it. (I bought it a week ago Sunday but we didn’t end up eating it.)
I sprayed some veggie spray into the bottom of a big pot and filled the pot with water so I could dump all the broccoli florets into it as I chopped them.
The first floret I cut off the stalk had a teeny little spider on it.
Let me say EW first, before I acknowledge that yes, veggies sometimes have bugs in them. I’ll occasionally find little flies in the red leaf lettuce. Once I had a horrifying experience of chopping off the step of a jalapeno and watching as a giant, spiny caterpillar climbed out of it onto my counter.
So I shuddered a little and tossed the floret into the now-empty-of-fish garbage disposal. But that wasn’t going to keep me from eating the broccoli. I mean, I’d just watch carefully for other bugs.
I cut off a few florets and tossed them into the pot of water.
And then I noticed a pale spot on the top of another floret. Probably just some dirt or something, I thought.
No. Internet, it was a SPIDER WEB. On my broccoli.
For a few seconds, I tried to be brave.
I’ll just cut out the spider webby pieces, I told myself.
But then I came to my senses and decided that no way in hell was I going to eat broccoli that was spider web adjacent.
So I threw out the broccoli and dumped the water down the drain. Then I went to put the pot on the counter, shaking my head at the fact that I’d JUST WASHED IT, and now I would have to wash it AGAIN, just for holding some spider webby crucifers for a few minutes.
To make room for the pot, I unloaded the dishwasher. As I put away the LAST PLATE, I realized that ohmygod I hadn’t actually RUN the dishwasher the night before. So I’d just put away DIRTY DISHES.
If you know me at all, you know that I can’t deal with something like that. So I had to retrace my steps and load the dishwasher back up with all the dishes I’d pulled out… Plus the dishes they’d touched. Which, in the case of the silverware, was ALL OF THE SILVERWARE.
It was 7:30 by this time. There was no way I could wait for the dishes to run through before making dinner. So when my husband called to say he was on his way home, I asked him to pick up a frozen pizza at the grocery. That requires a pizza cutter and tin foil – neither of which were in the dishwasher.
It wasn’t until after 11:00 that I remembered the pork chops, languishing in water, fully defrosted to room temperature, and completely unsalvageable.