1. The fact that bugs only appear in our apartment when I’m around or alone. Like the giant spider that trotted across our living room floor yesterday like she owned the place. Where was my husband? At work. I kill approximately one bug per week (although that number is sure to skyrocket to 100 as soon as I hit publish on this post). My husband kills approximately one bug per year. Maybe three. Maybe the bugs are stalking me? Maybe they don’t see me as a threat? Let me tell you, when I’ve got a fist full of tissue paper and I’m shrieking “ew ew ew ew ewe w” at high volume, I am definitely a threat.
2. Drivers who – when stopping at a stop light – stop a full car’s length BEFORE the line… Or stop a full car’s length (or two! I’ve seen it!) behind the car in front of them. I mean, that’s too far even if you’re kindly allowing some buffer room between your cars in case the car behind YOU hits you.
3. Speaking of stoplight behavior, drivers who don’t ever come to a full STOP at the line, but who just slowly edge forward the entire time the light is red. (Is it really that hard to put your foot on the brake?)
4. What it is my upstairs neighbors are DOING to produce elephant-jumping-on-a-box-of-drums-whilst-bowling-with-boulders-style thuds on such a frequent basis.
5. People who respond to emails without actually reading the email they are responding to. Nothing irritates me more than to have to repeat myself in an email simply because the recipient was “too busy” or “too hurried” or “too dumb” to read the email I originally sent. Which, by the way, ALREADY HAD the information that person is now requesting. Gah. Read the email. Thoroughly. Twice, even. And THEN respond.
6. Why my desire for tacos so frequently trumps my desire to be thin.
7. Why manicures never last more than 24 hours. Or two hours, if I’m being honest. (Let’s ignore the fact that this manicure was performed by an incompetent newb whose hands shake and who can’t paint her right fingernails with her left hand to save her life.)
8. How four glasses of pinot grigio at a wedding can seem so utterly harmless going down… and then turn out to be NOT harmless at all.
9. The guy across the street who walks out of his apartment, stands directly in front of the little doggy doo doo stand with the free poo bags and the garbage can, unleashes his dog (which is not allowed in our complex), watches the dog take a giant dump on the grass, and then walks – with his unleashed dog – back into his apartment. Seriously.
10. Why I feel compelled to drag out a list until it has at least 10 bullets.