Happy Friday, Internet!
Thank you for all your well wishes, and hallelujah! I am no longer sick of anything but humidity.
* First of all, let’s not blame Chili’s for my food poisoning. On Sunday, I flew home from a lovely visit with my family. I ate at a sad excuse for a Chili’s in O’Hare airport. (Seriously – I LONGINGLY looked at the other tables and ENVIED them for their bubbly sweet waitress, while my harried and overworked waiter barked questions at me as he was moving on to the next table and two busboys had a heated discussion during which they invaded my personal space. AWESOME.)
Anyway. I LOVE Chili’s. Clearly, I love it enough to eat at a Chili’s in an airport.
But that was not the only food I ate that day. Oh no. My husband took me to a barbecue joint he’d been wanting to try. I ordered a half rack of ribs and a side salad with ranch and a beer and my husband and I shared a plate of parmesan fries (which we barely dented). And is there really any doubt why I am sadly in need of a diet overhaul?
But back to the matter at hand. I ate at two places. Plus the Dairy Queen, where I got a green slushy. No, I am not ten years old.
So it could have been any of those places that hosted some disgusting bacteria that made me ralph for hours on end. Among other things.
On second thought, maybe I didn’t have actual food poisoning. Maybe my stomach was just rebelling against all the crap I’d eaten.
* Let’s say something good about Chili’s. Have you tried their nachos? I am a huge fan of nachos, period. But at Chili’s, they coat every. single. chip. In refried beans and cheese. They place a single jalapeno on each chip. And they put heaping piles of guacamole and sour cream in the middle of the plate. YUM.
They have a limited menu at the O’Hare airport Chili’s, by the way. That limited menu does not include nachos. So I had to eat chips and salsa with a side of sour cream instead. Not the same as nachos, let me tell you!
* I was out walking yesterday and a bug flew into my mouth. It was horrifying! I saw it coming at me and then BAM! It was in my mouth! So I spat it out on the ground. And continued to spit every four feet or so, you know, in case it had left a LEG or an ANTENNAE or something equally gross inside my mouth.
* Of course, then I was terrified that another bug would fly into my mouth. Not like it’s ever happened before in all my 29 years on this earth. But it was a near certainty that it would happen twice in one 30-minute period.
So I kept trying to breathe through my nose instead of my mouth, so that any kamikaze bugs would fly into a Wall of Lips instead of my open mouth. But it’s hard to speed walk and nose breathe at the same time.
So then I tried to breathe through the edges of my mouth, which didn’t work either. And then I tried to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth.
And then I realized I was being an idiot and started breathing normally.
Not! I totally kept trying not to mouth breathe for another mile and a half.
* Has anyone else said “Not!” unironically since 1995?
* Speaking of the BUG that flew in my MOUTH… I had this mini panic attack that maybe it was a bee or a wasp. And not that there’s any PROOF that I’m allergic to those bugs… but I could SWEAR that maybe my throat was going numb… or perhaps my tongue was swelling up. And I was really glad I brought my phone in case I went into anaphylactic shock and needed emergency assistance.
(Spoiler alert: I did not go into anaphylactic shock. But I did spit a few more times.)
* Aside from being a huge hypochondriac, I am a terrible patient. Case in point? I visited my OB/Gyn last year to get an annual exam and a prescription for ocps. I wanted to try a new brand because I wasn’t loving one side effect of the brand I’d been on.
And just so you know, I was the one who attributed this side effect to the ocps. Because, you know, of all my extensive medical training (i.e., lots of Googling and many episodes of House).
But my gyn was very receptive to my highly expert self-diagnosis… so she wrote me the new script and told me to try it out… if I didn’t like it, just let her know and she’d switch me to something else. I tried the new ocps for three months and HATED them. Hated. With the fire of ten thousand flaming Tampax boxes.
I still had a few months left on my other prescription, so I just went back to the old brand. And I never told my doctor. (My husband, by the way, has told me for months now that I should just call her and tell her I switched back. But I am afraid she’ll yell at me.) (She didn’t give me any reason to think she’s a yeller.) Anyway, now I’m up for my annual exam again and I am afraid to tell her that I’ve been taking this old prescription for… um… nine months.
* While I am still working on the posts where I tell you all about my Severe Weight Angst (I know – you can hardly wait), I am already taking action. The lovely bloggess from Notes from the Fatty File turned me onto a new (to me, at least) calorie-counting type website that I am loving. Sure, I have been doing it for all of two days… But I am enjoying it so far.
You put in your weight, height, and the amount of weight you want to lose, and the site spits out a calorie count for you to adhere to. It has a fairly extensive search engine… so you just plug in whatever you ate that day and it spits out all the calories, fat, protein, etc.
It also allows you to input your fitness activities for the day. And that’s the only fault I’ve been able to find so far. I mean, it has calorie-burning rates for SITTING IN CHURCH, but not for DOING SITUPS. WTF, website?
(FYI, sitting in church – quietly – burns 64 calories per hour. Who knew?)
* I wonder how many calories repeated spitting burns? Because, as I mentioned, I did a lot of spitting yesterday.
A lot. Of spitting.
* This post has more references to spit than anything I’ve ever written.
* My new down-time obsession is this super fun online game called Word Bubbles. If you are a word nerd, you will love it. But if you break the 3,000 point barrier, don’t tell me. I can’t get past 2,900 points. And it hurts my soul.
* Whilst in the airport on the way to visit my parents, I had a serious accident. I was in the restroom. I hung my purse and my laptop on the hooks on the stall door and… proceeded to avail myself of the facilities.
Then my laptop committed suicide. Somehow, it let go of the ONE TINY HOOK that the stupid bathroom stall provided and fell to the floor.
But, it was encased safely in a clunky laptop case, strapped in tightly with velcro. So I didn’t think anything of it.
Until, that is, I tried to log onto the airport wireless to play Word Bubbles. Then I discovered that my laptop had landed directly on the part of the machine that connects to wireless Internet. Rendering it completely useless for anything but word processing.
You have no idea how much this freaked me out, Internet. I mean, I am a person who works from home. Via the Internet. And I was going to my parents’ house in the boonies where they had set up wireless Internet JUST FOR ME so I could work while I was there.
Plus – WORD BUBBLES ONLY EXISTS ONLINE!!!!
I had to forcibly prevent myself from calling my husband in a panic. And my mom. And my best friend.
Luckily, my mom had an Ethernet cord. (I’d forgotten those things existed. How weird to be attached to the Internet with a physical tether!) And now, back home, I have my old laptop to fall back on. It’s mind-numbingly slow, though.
I know. “Poor me! My laptop died so I have to use my backup laptop! Waaahhh!”
That’s a first world problem if I’ve ever heard one.
* I think my laptop was an undercover agent from Best Buy, acting on a top-secret directive to prove to me and my husband that we should have bought the super expensive warranty plan that covers accidental damage. Because I think my husband’s response was something like, “I’m not going to spend $269 on accidental damage insurance.”
* I made catfish the other night for the first time. It was terrible. I can’t decide if the disgusting way it turned out was because catfish sucks, because the recipe sucks, or if it was due to user error.
Anyone have experience with catfish? If it was a bad one, please let me know. Otherwise, I am going with “user error” and that will damage my self esteem. And damaged self esteem means increased intake of chocolate. Which will make my LiveStrong profile scream at me. And who wants to be screamed at by a website?
NOT ME.
* My husband and I have been invited to a three-year-old’s birthday party. I’m looking forward to seeing her parents… But what does a 29-year-old do at a three-year-old’s birthday party? What does a 29-year-old BRING to a three-year-old’s birthday party? I mean, I usually bring wine… But that seems inappropriate.
Holy bajoly. This is the Randomosity that never ends. So I’m ending it.
Have a great weekend, Internet!
Wow, that is an amazing amount of spit talk in one post. Glad you haven’t completely broken up with Chili’s. I’ve been to one in the airport before, too, and they seriously are not the same. I’m not one to really trust food at an airport anyway 🙂
I’m reluctant to sound like one of those people who claims to be SHOCKED at some small inconsequential non-shocking thing (a commenter once claimed to be SHOCKED that no one else was commenting that my new couch “probably looked weird”), but I AM a LITTLE astonished when I hear about adults being invited to children’s parties. I keep hearing about it, too, so it’s not some little anomaly, it’s A Thing! Inviting grown-ups! To a child’s birthday party! WHY?
I love Chili’s, too. MMMMmmmmm, Chili’s. Must go eat at Chili’s, perhaps for breakfast.
I hate kamikaze bugs. No, I hate any animal that decides to go all “kamikaze” on me. Especially while I’m driving…that’s the most dangerous. I REFUSE to hit/injure anything cute, and for some reason squirrels and birds seem to think it’s fun to torture me. They know I’ll slam on the breaks. Other bugs/critters/snakes??? oh, I’ll go OUT of my way to get them. Yes, I realize that’s mean.
3 year old birthday party? hmm…that’s a toughy. I don’t even have an idea…how awful is that (especially when I have younger cousins)? Umm…I say go with the wine and maybe something small for the kiddo. Maybe you won’t be the only adult there…and if that’s the case, you probably won’t be the only one wanting wine.
Way to go on joining the website to better your health. I tried a similar website and got….nowhere. But that’s because I suck. SO, instead last week I joined weight watchers. I think the weekly meetings will help keep me motivated. At least I hope so. I have my second meeting tomorrow…so we’ll see 😉
I had a bug fly into my mouth the other day. Traumatic. T said I should take it as extra protein.
Sucks about the computer! Perhaps use it as time for an upgrade? I’d be crying. Also, tried out word bubbles and I’m addicted already. Have you played freerice.com? Also addicting. I put it on French and try to remember my skills.
3 year old. Hm. Cupcakes? I dunno. I’ve never been to a 3yr olds birthday. I’d probably still bring wine. 🙂
I recently discovered your blog while perusing through my friend’s blog list, and I just wanted to tell how much I enjoy reading your posts. Your writing style is fantastic, and my roommates and I enjoy reading about your adventures.
As for the catfish, well, let’s just assume your first conclusion is the best. I’ve never ever been a fan of seafood/river food (or where ever catfish come from).
Re: The Rx – Just tell the doc. I’ve done the going back to the old Rx before and they have never gven me a problem. SHE put you on it in the first place and YOU were the one that wanted off, so I wouldn’t expect an issue. After all, you saved her the hassle of dealing with you an extra time.
Re: Three year old girls – Barbie. Or something else pink. Avoid messy or loud stuff so her parents don’t hate you. Look at the suggested age on whatever you get. Think something that will bring immediate satisfaction; gift certificates are not a good idea at that age, because they don’t understand the idea of waiting for it yet. I’d go to Walmart/Target/somewhere like that and look for the pink aisle in the toy section and just see what they have in the age range for whatever amount you want to spend.
Here’s some ideas from Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/syltguides/fullview/1N6GFH5AJ6VUA
This post is awesome.
My favorite part?
Not.
Which sometimes I want to say.
But then I contain myself.
With sadness.
1) Thanks for the Word Bubbles link. I may never say I’m bored again.
2) I’m going to a 1 year old’s birthday party tomorrow. As far as I can tell, we will sit around and watch children do cute things, eat cake, and watch the parents open presents. All I am bringing are two board books (wrapped! as presents!) and a camera. So make what you will of that.
You. Crack. Me. Up.
That is all. 🙂
First of all, this line, “With the fire of ten thousand flaming Tampax boxes,” is AMAZING. Thank you for creating it.
Secondly, Adam and I recently went to a two year old’s birthday party and we were equally weirded out. Since it was a bbq we were super classy and brought beer, ONLY because we knew the parents were a-ok with that sort of thing. I also stood in the grocery store for like 20 minutes going, “OMG WHAT DO 2 YEAR OLD’S LIKE?” to the point where Adam eventually just went to another isle to ignore me. I settled on a Dora the Explorer coloring book and a classic book Tommy the Tug Boat or something. Even though her mother said her daughter would love it, I still felt like an ass.
Small children baffle me.
Um, so I was JUST having a conversation with my co-worker last week about the amazingness of Chili’s nachos. The invidual, perfectly proportioned cheese and beans get me every single time. Sadly, I haven’t had Chili’s nachos in at least two years. This needs to change.
Catfish, categorically, is gross. I’ve never been able to cook it and make it taste good. Rest assured, it’s not you:)
Dammit! I just moseyed over to Word Bubbles and then just spend almost 30 minutes sitting playing that game and mindlessly dipping into a bowl of peanut butter M&M’s! Both are highly addicting!
hahaha… love this post… but does it tell you anything that the only part I can focus on is Chili’s I adore their southewestern eggrolls…. mmmmm…. love them… I saw them once in the freezer section of a grocery store and had to run out of the store immediately otherwise I would have purchased their entire stock and eaten nothing but Chili’s Southwestern Egg Rolls for weeks… and we wonder why I constantly gain weight… alas… I will never look like a super model… so here’s to chili’s southwestern egg rolls and to realizing that I might as well get comfortable being at the top portion of the healthy BMU range for my height! 🙂
I have never had catfish but you are far braver then I to attempt to cook fish, it intimidates me to no end.
I do like catfish, but sometimes it kind of tastes really strongly of dirt to me. My mom told me it’s because they’re bottom-feeders. So I’m betting not user error–maybe you just got a bad one.
(I’m making it sound so appealing, huh.)
OMG this is the funniest most random post ever. I loved every single word. And damn you Word Bubbles!
I so badly want Chili’s nachos. RIGHT. NOW.
You need to know that I dragged my husband straight from the airport to Chili’s at 10:30pm to get some Chili’s queso and nachos. Thank you for the suggestion. : )
Holy cow dude, that was the MOST RANDOM post ever! 😀 I loved it! I couldn’t get that calorie site thing to come up-it was a Livestrong thing=where are you supposed to go? I would like to look at that-maybe I am just a struggle. Please advise. Glad that you are not having any major medical malfunctions! 😀
xoxo
I have a weird obsession with Chilli’s in airports. If I see a Chili’s, it is always my first choice of places to go. I usually order the chili, not to be ironic or anything.
Also, Borat made “NOT” cool again. So I say it all the time.
Sadly I have several bugs fly into my mouth before – it usually happens while running or even worse – biking. When biking it happens so fast that usually you cannot spit it out before it has already gone DOWN your throat – GROSS!
I’m sorry to hear about your laptop – do you have any kind of insurance on it – perhaps you can say you opened it one day and it just wouldn’t work? Because that does happen!
And I am curious where your parents live – perhaps I will email you to inquire! 😉
I am SO making use of that site! Time to get my arse off the couch and my hand outta the chip bag!
I don’t think wine is completely inappropriate since it’s obviously not for the kid, especially since you’ll probably take a gift for the kid. To be on the safe side, I would take gourmet cookies or truffles all wrapped up in cute cellophane. Since they already have cake there, a huge dessert wouldn’t be that appropriate.
Sorry I blamed Chilli’s! I really can’t stand Chili’s (with the exception of the Oldtimer burger being edible), so I just assumed the worst.
And the laptop thing totally sucks. Backup computers are backups for a reason! I hope you find a better solution soon!
Also, catfish isn’t too bad. I wonder what went wrong? I have a really great recipe from Whole Foods. I’ll find it and send it to you!
The other day I was walking outside and saw a bug and thought of the possibility of it flying into my mouth and then I freaked out.
Anyway, you’ve scarred me inside.
Just thought you’d want to know.
wow… love the randomness!
ps. I’m a fan of chillis too! but love their queso dip! hmm… I can just see the lbs coming on just thinking of it!
Wow, so random! Sooooooooooooo random! It’s a rainy day here and I’m super sleepy. I used to LOVE chilli’s but now all that fatty stuff makes me feel yucky. I used to calorie count but since I’ve been eating so much healthier it hasn’t become so necessary. Go you for taking action on your health. PLUS, throwing up gives you a “free” five pound weight loss right? RIGHT? Just tell your OB, I don’t think she’ll care.
Thanks to you I am now crazy obsessed with Word Bubbles. GOD AM I OBSESSED.
I am crazy obsessed with Word Bubbles, too. I was stuck at 2640 as my high until JUST NOW when I hit 3000. I can go back to my normal life now since I managed to accomplish that goal. (I got hom- and was able to make all the homo- prefix words and that was just the edge I needed. So good luck getting that.)