1. Your husband will wrap his warm, dry arms around you until you stop shivering.
2. Your husband will go out and buy you Gatorade – because Gatorade cures all ills. (Disclaimer: He learned this bit of medical wisdom from his mother, not medical school.)
3. Your husband will direct you to sip said Gatorade if and when you should forget to do so.
4. You will not have to move much, as apparently an entire four servings of Gatorade is not enough to make you pee more than once in an eight-hour period.
5. Your husband will tell you that you were cold and clammy when you crawled into bed after spending hours on the bathroom floor, but when you apologize for being gross, he will shrug and say, “It wasn’t gross.”
6. Your husband will make you Lipton noodle soup, and possibly even serve it to you.
7. You will feel – despite the tummy gurgles and the headache and the overall yuckness – thoroughly and completely and inexplicably loved.
The 5 Worst Things About Food Poisoning (Besides the Obvious)
1. The bowl in which the Lipton noodle soup was served will start to smell horrifyingly of chicken which apparently is The Last Thing On Earth your stomach can deal with right now.
2. You will have to dump two thirds of the soup down the drain and scrub out the bowl and pot to get rid of the Overwhelming Chicken Stench.
3. You will be transfixed by the million tiny noodles in the bottom of the sink until the world starts to spin around you.
4. You will sadly add “chips and salsa from Chili’s,” “baby-back ribs,” and “parmesan fries” to the list of foods you will not be able to look at, think of, or smell for the next 23 years.
5. You will be woefully unable to come up with words that truly, adequately, fully express how wonderful your husband is and how much you adore him.