My normal M.O. is to write a post and then promptly move on, even if I mentioned something worth coming back to… even if you have left the most wonderfully kind and thoughtful comments that I should really thank you for (and I AM grateful)… even if I promised that a vacation was forthcoming and you most likely at least want a brief follow-up if not a Whole Big Thing with Pictures.
But I felt like I sufficiently miffed some of my darling readers on my “Things I Don’t Get” post that I wanted to address the miffingness.
(Can you miff someone? Or can you simply be miffed?)
I just wanted to say that “things I don’t get” may not necessarily be things that I actually hate or even dislike.
I simply listed some things that many people are totally gaga-eyes over… things that don’t strike me as particularly gaga-eyes-worthy.
But! That is not to say I think they are stupid or horrible. (Well, except in the case of Miracle Whip. SORRY BRITTANY!) (And sorry also to anyone else who thinks Miracle Whip is the Bees Knees.)
Nor is it to say that I in any way think YOU are horrible! Nor did I want to offend you/miff you/enrage you in any way!
Let’s all go ahead and admit that I am a very big weirdo. Surely, you have realized this in any amount of time reading this blog. If you were to know me in Real Life, the weirdness would slap you across the face like bad B.O.
So I am Very Aware that some things I like/dislike are… weird.
I mean, I don’t really like dogs.
I don’t get why the licking and the barking and the drooling and the handfuls of excrement and the doggy breath are worthwhile. This is not to say I hate dogs. I like looking at them! They stave off unsavory types! I have even petted them on occasion! And while visiting my parents, I did some very loose approximations of wind sprints on the back porch with my parents’ golden doodle. See? Just because I don’t “get” dogs doesn’t mean I won’t give myself the wheezes for them!
And I do TRY to get some of the things that everybody else seems to love.
Like Trader Joe’s? I shop there once in a while. I like their channa masala dinners. I like the cheap wine. They have good frozen appetizers for entertaining. My husband loves the free samples and the wide array of European cookies. But… it just doesn’t give me the gaga-eyes.
And The Bachelorette? I used to watch The Bachelor Way Back When. I think I even watched the season of The Bachelorette with Trista and Ryan. But I don’t get it anymore. Even though I have TRIED. (And by the way – if you love The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, you should be reading Miss Banshee’s recaps on Mamapop. GENIUS. Far better than watching the show, methinks.)
And swimming pools? Yes, I am WEIRD. I KNOW. But I find them gross. Do I know – in my brain place – that they are pumped full of bacteria-killing chlorine? Yes. Do I understand that pool workers fish out the ickies and do other such things to keep it lovely and fresh? Surely. But I still get all skeeved out by the thought of bathing in someone else’s skin cells/pee/spittle/eye boogers/regular boogers.
Should I seek therapy?
I just wanted to clear the air.
And I wanted to list a few things that DO give me gaga-eyes. Things that you may or may not get. Things that you may or may not want to make fun of me for. Feel free to mock away in the comments.
Things I Love That You May Not Get
1. Eminem – oh my, this man and his rhymes give me the gaga-eyes big time!
2. “Frying” pepperoni to a crisp in the microwave and eating it dipped in mustard
3. Washing my hands every time I come into my apartment – even if I just opened the door to pick up a package the UPS guy left in the hallway
6. Brushing my teeth with hot water (I think I mentioned this before, but it seems fitting for this list)
7. TV commercials (although after I’ve seen the same commercial 80,062 times – I’m looking at YOU, Ford campaign! – I am over it)
8. Scrubbing my fruits and veggies with soap and/or veggie spray
10. Driving/going for walks/sunbathing in silence – no radio, no iPod, no nothing.
11. Old-school country music (Sammy Kershaw! Tanya Tucker! Clint Black!)
12. Filling green bell pepper halves with cottage cheese
13. Bleach spray
14. Movies/TV shows/books about serial killers
15. The part of moving where you carry boxes and furniture in and out of cars and buildings (makes me feel tough)
17. Fake tattoos (Okay, so I haven’t actually USED one of these since… high school? College? But I love them anyway.)
18. Shaving my legs – Until I became a work-from-homer who doesn’t shower regularly, I shaved probably 360 times a year.
19. Eating a second helping of dinner rather than dessert (Except when there’s cheesecake involved.)
20. Fat free Cool Whip
Well, there you have it. We have only just scratched the surface, but I think I have embarrassed myself enough for one day.