I found out something rather awesome the other day…
The lovely Janssen of Everyday Reading can somehow conjure free ice cream out of thin air!
I mentioned to her that “Free Ice Cream Conjuring” would make for an excellent super power.
In fact, I’m pretty sure that would be my husband’s super power of choice.
He does love ice cream.
(Please, please, for the love of all that is holy, get your mind out of the gutter, Internet!)
It got me thinking about super powers.
For a while I thought mind-reading would be a top-notch super power…
Then again, I don’t really want to hear what people are thinking. People think about weird shit. Also – and I don’t know if you know this, so brace yourself – people are mean. Especially inside their own heads, where no one can hear them being mean.
Invisibility might be pretty cool. But then you might catch people talking about you.
Just the thought of people talking about me is enough to give me hives. I don’t need to hear it out loud and stuff.
It’d be nice to have some sort of Bug Repelling super power. Especially if it caused cockroaches to implode when they were within 50 feet of me.
But I’m not sure exploded bug guts everywhere I walked would make me a particularly appealing party guest… I mean, would YOU invite me to dinner? Sure, I’d be cheaper than an exterminator. But exploding bugs? At your house? That might give your guests the wrong impression about your home hygiene.
Oooh! What if you could just point at foods and make them taste like anything you wanted? Brussels sprouts for dinner? Poof! Now they taste like tiramisu. Sick of eating pork chops every other night? Poof! Now you’re eating filet mignon and crabcakes and cheesecake! Whenever you want! Load up on Spam – it tastes like shrimp scampi and tacos and lemon meringue pie!
Now all I can think of are food-related super powers.
I could go for something altruistic. Like a super power that allowed me to create peace in the Middle East. Or soak up the giant oil spill. Or end racism/sexism/bigotry.
Yes, I think I’d choose one of those for sure. Ending bigotry would totally make up for the taste of Spam.
But let’s just say that I had to choose a totally selfish super power, just for the sake of some Thursday fun…
I’d love to be able to apparate, a la Harry Potter and friends. It would make traveling a lot more fun.
I’d love to be able to make mind-blowing food. Although I guess that’s called “Being a Chef.”
I’d love to have an eidetic memory.
But I guess that’s also not a super power, per se, since real, actual, non-super-hero people can have photographic recollection.
I’d love to be able to tan, instantly, without setting foot in the sun or dealing with anything remotely cancer-y.
So many choices!
After much deliberation…
I have decided that my super power of choice would be The Ability to Eat Anything I Want in Mass Quantities While Maintaining Not Only Excellent Health But Also My Ideal Body Weight.
Who said super heroes can’t be gluttonous? And vain?
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What would be your ideal super power?