My crazy furniture-throwing upstairs neighbors moved out.
Their weird noises were replaced by what seemed like several weeks of extensive renovations, including one morning where I looked out the window directly into the face of a maintenance guy, who was slowly ascending the air inside a little mini crane type apparatus. Considering I was wearing my normal attire – a tank top, sans bra, and pajama bottoms – I quickly closed the blinds and spent the rest of the day working in darkness. Another morning I was greeted to quite a show, as the carpet cleaning people threw the hose up to the balcony above mine. Three stories up, mind you. It took SEVERAL TRIES. Seriously, people. Simply take a rope upstairs, drop one end of it down, and tie it around the hose. SO MUCH EASIER AND LESS ANNOYING.
And then there was the day where the maintenance people thoughtfully swept off the balcony above us, clearing it of leaves and sticks and the accumulated junk of winter. Guess where all that crap landed? If you said our balcony, you are a genius! Now please send me a broom because I have been too lazy to buy one.
Anyway.
Now we have new upstairs neighbors. In the grand tradition of this apartment complex, we have not introduced ourselves. Unlike our last neighbors, the new neighbors do not seem partial to throwing furniture. They do, however, enjoy stomping around the apartment at all hours of the day. My guess is they are wearing concrete blocks on their feet as some sort of new-fangled weight training program.
And then there’s the other thing.
I believe they have a bird of some sort. Perhaps a pterodactyl. Whatever it is, it sounds large. And its cage is conveniently located directly above my bed.
I wake up every morning at 6:30, when the bird wakes up. It likes to scream. It’s not an especially loud scream… Nor is it particularly blood curdling. But its proximity to my bed means that the bird could be sitting on my belly button when it emits these noises, that’s how close it sounds.
And once the bird/pterodactyl has exercised its lungs, it begins digging.
Now, I’m not really a bird person. But I wasn’t aware that bird cages required their inhabitants to do a lot of excavation.
And yet… That bird scrapes and digs and grates away at that cage. If I didn’t really believe it was a bird, I would think it was a pack of vampire rats trying to scratch their way through the ceiling to get at my throat.
But vampire rats would severely disturb what little sleep I’m getting these days.
So I’m going with bird.
Gee, aren’t apartments just the most fun ever? I like to imagine elaborate explanation for behavior (like dinosaur birds) too. I don’t know why it helps, but it does.
I’ve never heard of birds digging either….interestingly enough I watched an episode of Hoarders this week
(on A&E) about a woman that had too many birds in her house…..
I think you should make a batch of cookies, march yourself up there for an introduction and try to figure out what type of bird/vampire rat they got living up there……
I wouldn’t know whether to laugh or start banging on the ceiling with a broom. Their bird sounds ridiculous, with the screeching and scratching! I’d be freaked out, especially early in the morning.
1. I hate hate hate birds. They creep me out.
2. Apartment living sure is interesting. I don’t know any of our neighbors. They look the other way when they see us. My husband tries to be friendly and say hi to people and subsequently gets offended when they ingore his politeness. I laugh at him and tell him he needs to be aloof as well.
Oh my god. You have the worst luck with neighbors! The only worse story I’ve heard is from one of my bridesmaids, who has neighbors in the condo directly next door to her (their bedrooms share a wall…if you know where this is going) who like to make love like, four times a night. Really. FOUR WHOLE TIMES. SEVERAL NIGHTS A WEEK. It happens around 8 pm, 10 pm, 3 am, 6 am. And my poor bridesmaid lays wide awake listening to the screams (yes, SCREAMS) and rattles of her frames on the wall. She actually had to take down the big framed piece directly over her bed because she was afraid it would fall on her. I might sound like a undersexed woman for all I know, but who the hell really does it that much?!?!
Hahahahahaha! OMG. We had this couple who lived above us a few years ago who made very interesting noises. The guy would literally ROAR like a lion at the, ahem, “end.” It’s one of the more amusing aspects of living in apartments – although, hello self consciousness! – but four times a night? How did she ever sleep?!?
When I move somewhere new or someone new moves in beside/above/below me I like to bring a bottle of wine over right away. If they are there and I can introduce myself, great. If not, I leave the wine with a note saying who I am, where I live (i.e. Hi! I live RIGHT BENEATH YOU listening to your every stomp…).
#1- it’s a nice way to be welcomed into a new place
#2- it’s hard(er) to be a total asshole noise-wise etc. when your neighbour is clearly a saint
🙂
Good lord, that is some bad luck. Maybe your next apartment should be on the TOP floor of the building. I don’t suppose you feel like “re-feng shui-ing” your room and relocating your bed to a less vulnerable spot…?
We lucked out like crazy with our apartment. Top floor, between two staircases that nobody ever uses.
But….
We did not luck out with the ventilation system. Someone on our floor cooks liver on a regular basis. Sometimes they cook weird things in the
middle of the night. They also dye their hair a lot. We are allergic to whatever they do so that makes it worse.
LIVER?!?! I would die. That is among my top 5 least favorite most barf inducing smells.
I HATE neighbors.
Well, apartment neighbors that is.
I have horror stories upon horror stories.
I have tips on how to stop porno activity from upstairs neighbors, tips and tricks on how to get your neighbors to stop blasting music at volume 1,000,000, suggestions for how to combat horrible neighbor smells, but nothing for upstairs birds.
Hmm. It seems I am out of practice.
You need to write a self-help book!
I hate birds. That’s all I have to say about that.
When I lived in an apartment, I always felt so bad whenever I wanted to sweep off my porch, because I knew that it meant that the debris would land on the downstairs neighbors’ front walk. But the alternative was…what? To vacuum out there? I always tried to get the big stuff with a dustpan, at least.
Neighbors are always a little adventure in social dynamics!
Oh wow…I don’t envy you. I had a neighbor like that in my old apartment who would be stomping around at all hours of the night, and the best time for him to do home improvement was sometime around 2:00 a.m. That bird would drive me insane, though…good luck with that one…
Ick. I hate apartment living. I sometimes hear neighbors next door in the townhouse but I hopefully will never have to go back to living below someone.
Annoying neighbors are worse than annoying roommate – last year I had both! The person I shared a wall with had rap music on, 24/7 – and then I guess they liked to… play twister… on the bed… a lot. Gah. Soooo happy when I moved. This person also left their alarm clock on ALL day, and the once their fire alarm went off for 5 hours. Maintenance wouldn’t go in and turn it off. SO ANNOYING! I completely feel your pain.
Isn’t that the way it always goes? You THINK you have it bad and then something worse comes along. I’m so sorry you have that annoying rat….. I mean BIRD…. living up there now! I know this is terrible, but did you know cooking with teflon coated pans emits a gas that is poisonous to birds? I’m just saying….
Evil! 🙂 I likey.
I’m not saying I do believe in vampire rats, and I’m not saying I don’t believe in vampire rats.
But it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to buy some garlic rat traps.
Hahahaha oh man I’m laughing very hard. Not because I enjoy your misery but A. the things you say crack me the eff up and B. I’ve been dealing with some neighbor issues of my own, so I feel your pain!
I feel like maybe this creature is not a bird or a rat but maybe one of those little squawking, spitting, mini dinosaurs from Jurassic Park? They seem like they’d be into digging, but I am no ancient reptile expert.
Regardless, I hope this creature and the people upstairs start being a little less noisy, maybe once they get settled? Hoping for you!
Ugh. Our upstairs neighbors are the WORST! They also have the concrete heels. Also, stilettos. And they drag their chairs all across the floor all the time and love to cook gross smelling stuff. Also, they have DDR, which is my worst NIGHTMARE!
DDR – oh NO. That is horrible!
Ahhh, apartment living. Is there ever such a thing as normal neighbors? And I’m sorry but I just read the comment about doing it four times a night….seriously? NO, SERIOUSLY? They have to be porn stars.
A bird almost scares me more. Weird? HA!
haha you’re hilarious. we move into an apartment building (kind of) in less than a month. its been a while since i’ve lived in one. i’ve forgotten all of the interesting noises that come with them–those long nights where you lie on your back, staring at the ceiling trying your hardest to guess just what exactly could be making that noise.
OH man, not cute. Birds are the worst.
Hahah, but I’m laughing really hard at your daily outfit, because that is EXACTLY what I wear basically every day. (And then I tease my husband, who wears real clothes to work, for creating more dirty laundry than I do.) The small pleasures of the writing life.
Oh my goodness. I am laughing because you are funny, but I am so sorry about this situation. The concrete blocks are bad enough, but the pterodactyl? There may be cause for introduction…you could double secretly whack the bird. Have you seen Dumb and Dumber? The champagne bottle trick! Offer it as a welcome to the neighborhood gift. Of course, you would have to make it into their bedroom (well, I’m assuming the apartments are laid out the same way)…maybe that’s a bit too complicated.
That’s all I’ve got. Except ear plugs? Maybe that would help.
Oh my goodness! That is terribly annoying! I can’t imagine what is worse? Oh wait, I bet the stupid bird is worse than furniture moving. Can’t you call it in? I mean annoying pets are grounds for eviction right????