Tyra. What is WRONG with you?
I got wooed into TiVoing The Tyra Show the other day by the promise of Audrina Patridge, whom I find simultaneously perplexing and fascinating. Somehow my DVR only caught the last 15 minutes of the episode, which were inexplicably filled with some sort of Let’s Embarrass the Audience by Making Them Do Stupid Shit for Meager Sums of Cash That Tyra Pulls Out of Her Bra game.
Anyway. One of the dares was for an audience member to pick a random stranger out of the audience, smell her foot, kiss her toes, and give her an impromptu foot rub.
But the girl did it. For $150. Which, let me just say, I am not sure it’s worth it. Maybe $500. But $150? To smell, kiss, and rub some rando’s sweaty flip-flop clad foot? (By the way – when you wear flip flops, your feet get DIRTY.)
So then Tyra – in typical It’s All About Tyra fashion – had to kiss the stranger’s foot as well. Why, Tyra? Why? Oh yeah – so she could stuff $150 into her bra. Because she needs the cash.
Another stunt involved three random strangers – one of whom was pretty much my mom’s age and wearing a very lovely sweater. I guess Tyra Lovers come in all ages – getting into a kiddie pool the size of a postage stamp and pouring Bisquick and syrup all over themselves. Was this a product placement opp for Bisquick? And if so, is smearing your product all over a middle-aged woman, a foppish young man, and a stylish and reluctant-to-participate twenty-ish girl really the best way to get the word out?
The big winnings for these three brave souls? $100 each. I’m sure it will cost more than $100 to get Bisquick out of that sweater.
But the crème de la crème was the mom who had to fake an orgasm. In front of her teenage daughter (who gave a very embarrassed fist pump when the camera fixed her in its mocking glare). And supermodel Tyra Banks. And the whole rest of the world.
Faking an orgasm can be hilarious, don’t get me wrong. If Meg Ryan or your best friend does it – it can get some good laughs. But watching this poor woman do it… and have Tyra stop her in the middle to tell her to put the microphone closer to her mouth… and then have the audience watch in awkward silence… It was like all the most hideously embarrassingly awkward moments of Meet the Parents and the British Office and the time you and your high school boyfriend were making out sans shirts and your boyfriend’s father walked in on you all mixed together. My face got RED, Internet. That poor lady. And all she got for this incredible display of awkwardness was $75. Not even enough to pay for ONE of her poor daughter’s inevitable therapy sessions.
Yeah, I’m sorry that this is yet another post summarizing The Tyra Show. Because if you somehow managed to avoid this brain suck, you really need me to shove it in your face with the promise of new! content!
Hmmm… Perhaps this is why Tyra needed to do her little game show. Lack of content. Perhaps that is also why she is shelving The Tyra Show. It must be rough to come up with groundbreaking fat-suit-wearing period-myth-deflating ideas. Ah, Tyra. Maybe you and I have more in common than I originally thought.
That Tyra. She boggles my mind, Internet. Just boggles it right out of my head. What are we going to do without The Tyra Show once it’s gone? At least we’ll always have Top Model.