My blog is not old enough or popular enough to get a whole lot of traffic. But I have noticed that some interesting searches are leading people to this little site…
Allow me to try to guide these poor souls…
“My husband is a doctor and likes to play doctor…”
It’s not clear from this question whether the dear doctor wants to play doctor at work or at home. Both routes pose challenges. If he’s at work, and he’s playing doctor, I recommend that a) you suggest he study more or b) you find a husband who won’t cheat on you at work.
If he’s at home… and he’s interested in playing doctor with YOU… well, why not? Who hasn’t fantasized about going to bed with a hottie physician? You’ve got your own personal Dr. McDreamy wanting to take your temperature or give you a central line or palpate your breasts. I say good times! Stop googling and don one of those sexy backless examination gowns and let your husband examine away!
“Doctors wife reality show”
Sometimes I think that doctors’ wives would be perfect candidates for a reality show. Especially the doctors’ wives of stereotypes. You know – the haughty, uptight women who have money to burn and spend their whole lives ordering the help around and planning charity dinners and getting their hair done. (Do those women exist? I guess in a world that includes the Real Housewives of Atlanta, yes, they probably do.)
But in reality, a doctors’ wives reality show would be ridiculously boring. Lots of TV watching. Lots of watching their husbands sleep.
“Married to a doctor lonely”
I feel for you. I really do. Being a doctor’s spouse is many things. It constantly fills me with awe and pride and sometimes, in my weaker moments, inadequacy. But it can be really, truly, achingly lonely.
The advice that makes the most sense – and which I have the most trouble following – is to get a life of your own. Find a hobby. Volunteer. Form a tight group of friends. Set up nights out with the other doctors’ spouses.
Be sure, too, to spend as much time with your doctor spouse as possible. Have date nights. Have movie nights. Go for long drives together. Cook together. Talk to each other. Husband and I have a ritual on the days he gets home from being on call overnight in the hospital. I crawl into bed with him and we talk about the previous day, the day we didn’t get to see or speak to each other at all. Yes, his eyes are heavy. Yes, I have work to do. But those moments of just us help us reconnect.
God willing, your spouse will have a long career as a physician. So the truth is that you will likely be lonely for a long, long time. I’m hoping that – by taking the measures above – it will get easier. But I know that it will always be hard, if at least less frequent.
So one thing that always works – without fail – is for me to climb under the covers, close my eyes, and think of all the reasons I love my husband. All the big reasons – like his kindness, his generosity, the values we share. All the silly reasons – like the way he buys new books before he’s even finished the last book he bought. All the selfish reasons – like how he eats the tomatoes off my plate at restaurants, and kills big bugs. And all the other million tiny reasons I love him. It staves off the loneliness and puts me to sleep with a smile on my face.
You will get through this.
If you have any questions about being a doctor’s spouse, let me know in the comments. Or shoot me an e-mail at lifeofadoctorswife [at] gmail.