As I have mentioned before, people mispronounce my name all the time.
I don’t really get it. My name is not COMMON, but it’s not UNHEARD-OF. A couple of celebrities share my name, including a wildly popular author. It was the name of at least one delightfully-divatastic, pig-owning sitcom character.
And, in my opinion, it’s spelled phonetically. Well, not exactly phonetically, because I think phonics uses a bunch of weirdo symbols and stuff to denote sound? I don’t know. Are phonics and phonetically even related? Let’s pretend I never mentioned phonics.
What I’m trying to say is, I think it’s spelled the way it sounds.
Yet people mispronounce it a good 90 percent of the time.
Okay, okay. Maybe this is a product of Modern Times, where kre8tiv spellings are so abundant that you feel like you’re so unlikely to mispronounce a name that you just don’t even want to TRY anymore. Because even if you DO try, you wind up with the wrong pronunciation probably half the time.
Leikynlea could be LAY-kin-lee or LEE-kin-LAY-uh or Lay-KIN-lee or, well, the brain boggles at the potential pronunciations.
And just because a name is “old fashioned” in look doesn’t mean it’s old fashioned in SOUND! I mean, John may very well be Jo-hen or Juh-OH-wen or Yone or whatever, right?
I come from a town that’s FULL of unique names, so I GET IT. You just can’t win.
So typically, when people mispronounce my name, I just… deal with it. It happens. Whatever. Most people who are using my name like this are people I’ll never see again. So I just go with it.
But…
Sigh.
Anyway, my name gets mistaken most often for one other name. A very similar name, sure. But a TOTALLY DIFFERENT NAME, with its own spelling and own pronunciation.
And yes, a quick perusal of the Social Security Administration website shows that my name hasn’t been in the top 1000 names for girls since 1999, and even then it was given to fewer than 100 girls…
And the name my name gets mistaken for is still in the top 1000 names for girls, albeit given to fewer than 250 girls in 2011… So clearly, my name is less popular and less well-known than its doppelganger.
But come on. COME ON.
Let’s say my name is Joanne. It isn’t, but that’s a close enough approximation and it’s similar-ish in popularity.
So people frequently call me Joan. (Not really – Joan is a stand-in.)
Seriously. That is what they do. They call me Joan ALL THE TIME.
Even when I have helpfully spelled it out for them. Even when I have clearly stated my name FOR THEM.
Nope, still Joan.
After 30-odd years of this, you’d think I would be USED TO it.
And yet… I am not.
I went to the doctor the other day (missing a work meeting because of certain office restrictions and I am still not over it ARGH) and checked in at the reception desk. I said my name plainly and clearly. The receptionist handed my file – with my name written on it in clear capital letters – to the nurse. A nurse I’ve seen two or three times in the past six months.
The receptionist handed me a survey to fill out. (Speaking of which, do you ever have trouble answering those stupid questions on medical forms? Do you check the “headaches” box even though you only have headaches occasionally? And what about those yes or no questions? What if the answer is “sometimes” instead of a hard yes or a hard no? A lot of those questions seem like they should allow for a lot more grey area than they do!)
So I sat down in the only empty seat in the waiting room and settled in for the long wait. Because I have been to this doctor several times, and I always have to wait for at LEAST 15 minutes. That’s why they give you paperwork with maddeningly confusing questions – so you don’t notice how much time is passing.
I got to about question 5 on that stupid form when, out of the corner of my ear (that’s totally a thing), I faintly heard someone call, “Joan?”
But I ignored it, because it wasn’t my name. So while my “someone is talking” sensors activated, my “someone is calling YOUR name” sensors did not.
Also, to make my case air-tight, I would like to clarify that I’d been there for about two minutes. If that. My seat wasn’t even warm yet, Internet.
I plowed through a few more questions – blatantly IGNORING one, I’ll have you know – and was vaguely aware that the person was still calling, “Joan? JOAN?”
So, like a normal person, I looked up to see what the hell Joan was doing that was so important she was ignoring the poor nurse. (Texting, probably.)
Of course, as you know, the poor nurse was looking at ME.
So, of course, were all the other patients. Poor, hearing-impaired Joan, their collective expressions said.
I looked at her with great surprise and did the Incredulous Self Point and she said, across the ENTIRE waiting room FULL of people, “Your name IS Joan, right?”
I was embarrassed, obviously, so I said, “Oh! Nope, it’s JoANNE!” in a way that I hoped was cheerful and un-blamey and this-happens-all-the-time, and followed it up with a cheery, “Wow, you guys are sure fast today!”
I don’t feel like I should have been embarrassed. It was the nurse’s mistake, after all. But I WAS and I AM.
(Perhaps this is payback for misspelling/missaying my work colleague’s name for so long?)
There’s nothing I can DO about it, obviously, except complain to you. (You: Gee, thanks.) I mean, I just have to spell my name and pronounce it clearly and accept the inevitable Joaning and, apparently, tune my “someone is calling your name” sensors to Joan AND Joanne.
I just want you to share my exasperation.
Before I let you go, allow me to add another gripe to this one. It’s even MORE perplexing to me, Internet.
This one goes out to fast food servers and restaurant hostesses everywhere: If you were to hear a name, you would write it down in such a way that you would remember how to pronounce it, right?
I mean, obviously if you see my name out in the wild with no context and you can’t figure out how to pronounce it, that’s one thing. Forgivable. (Although: sigh.)
But if you DON’T ask, and YOU write it down the way you THINK that collection of sounds should be spelled, then wouldn’t you pronounce it correctly when you tell me my order/prescription/table is ready?
Sadly, Internet, the answer is typically no.
I have Issues with people spelling names “creatively.” It’s confusing for everyone involved, and your precious Tiphanee doesn’t think “gee, thanks parents for this totally unique spelling!” she thinks “why did you subject me to a lifetime of having my name mispronounced?!” I say this because I’m guilty of mispronouncing names, as we all are, I’m sure. For example, I’m from Texas, where there are a lot of guys named Jaime, pronounced hi-may. It’s a fairly common Hispanic name. Imagine my surprise when I moved to Chicago and still encountered a lot of people named Jaime. Weird! Oh no, it was just people name Jamie (jay-mee) whose parents wanted to be cute/didn’t know how to spell. CONFUSING.
Um, so how would YOU spell Jay-mee? I’m confused. I don’t consider Jaime a “cute and/or didn’t know how to spell” name. It was a very popular girl name in the 80’s (so much so that I graduated with 2).
And yes, I know that’s a completely different can of worms, being that it’s originally a boy’s name – right? – and crossed over into girls. (And by “boy’s name” I am talking about Jay-mee, not Hi-may.)
Well, it turns out people in my little town actually CAN’T spell. Doctor’s Wife pointed out to me jay-mee is generally spelled JaMIe instead of JaIMe. Both Jaime’s in my class growing up spelled it ‘im,’ though, which I just assumed was the “correct” spelling. I thought either both spellings were generally accepted or Jamie was used by people who didn’t know any better and accidentally misspelled. Isn’t it crazy how your name “rules” are influenced by what people you’ve known?
I looked it up on the social security site and Jaime was a more popular name for girls in the 80s than boys (though not as popular as Jamie). Maybe both spellings *are* accepted?
My name, like many names, has a male version and a female version. And I get called by the male version ALL THE TIME despite the fact that I am clearly a girl and my name is clearly spelled the feminine way and the two names ARE NOT THE SAME.
Yes!! This happens to me all the time! The male version of my name is NOT the same as the female version, but it’s more well known, so people use it all the time. Also, I prefer a pronunciation with a soft vowel instead of a hard vowel in my name and even people I’ve corrected multiple times still mess it up – it is beyond frustrating.
Ooh! I think I figured out your name! Pretty!
People leave the ‘h’ off of the end of my name all the time and it bothers me. We just received a family wedding invitation with my name misspelled. I am friends with the bride and the mother of the bride on FB. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LOOK. *sigh*
When I worked in a field that required me to actually speak to people on a regular basis, I was hyper aware of butchering people’s names. If I had any question I would simply ask if they could pronounce it for me so I would avoid the annoyance of calling them the wrong name. I think it comes from having a common name with three common pronunciations and always being called by the wrong (and least common) variety. Once they told me how to say it, or corrected me for mispronouncing what I assumed was a common name, I always wrote it down phonetically (in the way that I just wrote it the way it sounded, not using the phonetic alphabet. By the way you are correct. IPA, International Phonetic Alphabet, has a bunch of special symbols to create the proper sounds. I learned it once for theater. It is exceptionally easier to just write it with normal letters the way you think it sounds.)
I probably just spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out your name!
And no, you should not be embarassed. They were not saying your name. Joan and Joanne are not the same. They should be apologizing to YOU!
This has happened to me a few times. Emily is not the same as Emma, so don’t expect me to respond.
I have a (somewhat) opposite problem–my name is ridiculously common. In middle school, I knew at least three other girls with the same first and middle name as I. It’s such a common name that 9 times out of 10, I won’t respond when someone calls my name because I assume they are speaking to one of the 583,292 other Sarah’s in the vicinity. That being said, it drives me crazy when people leave off the “h” at the end. And don’t even get me started on how frequently people misspell my last name–in elementary school, when they were hand written, each report card had my name spelled differently.
Gah that would drive me nuts. In fact, it DOES drive me nuts, as people tend to call me Lara or Laurie or Lauren. Annoying, because I feel like when people go by those names, that’s what’s generally on their birth certificate, not Laura. (I just had a 10 minute long discussion in which a coworker told me I was wrong and that Laurie IS a nickname for Laura, but I busted out the 1979 social security baby names list and pointed out that all three are in the top 200 names).
ANYWAY, what I’m trying to say is that people are idiots and I feel your pain. Knowing what names you are talking about, I wouldn’t have looked up either. TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT NAMES.
Yes. However, I get the problem of answering to Jennifer and then finding out they want the other Jennifer in the waiting room. It’s an imperfect system. And I don’t think your name is that similar to Joan.
I always get called Gabrielle in restaurants since I check in with our last name because Jennifer is so common.
People do the same thing to me. All. The. Time. Especially Northerners, since my name is very South Louisiana French. When I say your name (your real name, because there’s only one pig-owning diva character I can think of), I have to say it in a crazy, overblown Southern style. I’m trying to make the “dress up as the Supremes but I get to be the one owning the pig because my face is naturally brown…no one will get this” group costume thing happening.
My name is Kristen, and ALL THE TIME I get Christine. And to me: totally different names. I have mostly MEMORIZED that I need to be listening for “Christine,” but if I’m not thinking about it, I won’t notice. (I’m more likely to notice a Kirsten or a Kiersten, especially if hesitantly spoken, but again, it’s mostly due to memorization rather than actual recognition.)
And the other day, at Taco Bell, they asked me my name and I spoke it clearly, and they wrote down Christine. Dear heavens, my name was in something like the Top 50 for women my age. Surely there are enough of us around to make both Christine AND Kristen familiar?
I love “Let’s pretend I never mentioned phonics” and “(Not really – Joan is a stand-in.)”
Also, don’t look at THIS year’s babies, look at the years around the years you were born, even a decade or two (or three) before. The names were much more common then, and so there are all those grown-ups out and about in the world, HAVING THOSE NAMES, which SHOULD be making people familiar with them. When a name is new, I’m not surprised if people don’t know how to say it—-but when all those babies are GROWN ADULTS, people have had PLENTY OF TIME.
As a Jessica born over a decade before the Jessica wave hit, I instead was called Jennifer all the time, as there were always about 8 Jennifers in my class. I had a boss who called me Jennifer. Consistently.
When I was younger, my name radar was more finely tuned. I looked up when I heard Jessica, Jennifer, all the variations thereof, and all my siblings’ names. I looked up a lot.
Also, as someone who’s taught I’ve always tried to be very sensitive re: names. I don’t get people who aren’t.
I’m dying to know your name. I thought I had it all figured out with the pig-owning diva thing, but I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about. Unless you mean the actress? Her name is gorgeous, but I can’t imagine people getting it wrong constantly.
Anyway, Joan and Joanne are COMPLETELY different names. They’re not even that close.
(Jessica and Jennifer are completely different, too, AHEM, and I don’t answer to Jennifer.)
Huh. Some of my comment seems to be missing. Did I accidentally do that? Or did you edit to make sure people can’t figure stuff out? I won’t repeat in case you don’t want it there, but I’m aware my comment doens’t make sense:)
That is so funny, because, knowing your name, I can’t imagine people making the mistake that frequently! It’s really not … that difficult.
But maybe people don’t distinguish in the way things sound? one of my students was reading a book by the aforementioned very famous author and in her book report kept referring to the author as the name you probably get called when people mispronounce it. Huh.
Anyway, I am spelling- and name-obsessed, so this would totally drive me crazy, too! My parents almost named me Kirsten, which I’m sure would’ve set me up for a lifetime of being called Kristen.
Sigh. The other day I was communicating with one of my mom’s coworkers- Joanne. I pronounced her name Jo-anne, as I think most people might assume it would be pronounced. But, nope! Like “Joan”, as my mom informed me later (in a tone that implied DUH!)- after I had surely made a fool of myself. You just can’t win no matter what you say.
I totally hear you.
For me, it’s not necessarily the pronunciation of my name that is the problem although people pronounce it differently all the time – but it’s not necessarily incorrect. For example: some people take the fancy route and call me Anna-STA-Sia. Some people stay generic and pronounce it Anna-stayzia. And then some go with the Greek route and pronounce it Annasta-SI-a.
All very different yet acceptable.
My beef is when I introduce myself as “Anastasia,” and the person follows with,
“Great to meet you Anna,” or, “Oh hi Stacy.”
If I wanted to be referred to as either of those names I would have introduced myself as such. I think it’s so rude to just assume that I want you to abbreviate my name.
Idiots.
I think it’s perfectly okay to correct someone that says your name wrong. Since I’m often a victim of name sabotage I always preface a name I can’t pronounce with, “I’m sorry if I’m pronouncing this wrong, but is your name (insert John, or Jo-han, or Yawn here).
I say correct away 🙂
This is clearly a common problem! I have a name that is slightly more unusual than a more common name, but I usually don’t mind when people mispronounce my name for the other way – it’s really minor, and whatever. However, I do have one other, ridiculous issue. I have a slight lisp. And my name has a long “s” sound. Imagine Jessica (but not Jessica). Sometimes, when I introduce myself, I fail to control my lisp and it comes out “Jethica.” Not ridiculously so, just a little bit. I would think that a normal person, hearing a name “Jethica” and generally hearing me say other words with an s in them sounding more like a th, would figure out that my name is Jessica, a TOTALLY NORMAL NAME. But every once in a while, I get a person who then thinks my name is actually Jethica. Seriously people? THAT IS NOT A NAME.
Wow. There is nothing tricky about your name! IT IS VERY CLEAR! Maybe this is somehow reflecting a serious literacy problem in our country?
Your post? Made me laugh out loud, many times. If nothing else, these things happen to you so you can entertain us with your amazing storytelling skills. The comments are darned funny too.
That’s ridiculous. People should pronounce your name correctly! And yes, as a hostess, if someone gave me their name I would write it like it sounds so I could then reproduce it appropriately. I always try to get people’s names right because ugh. It’s so not nice to get it wrong! And to not even try.
LOL I am speechless! My name is Joan and I have spent almost 3 decades answering to “Jo-anne” despite attempts at correcting, even the regulars. Then there are the occasional incredible variations such as Joe, John, Join, Juan, Jone. We should swap.
Seriously, is it really that hard to pronounce “Joan”? I mentioned to my friend that when putting my name down for a table or a cup of coffee at Starbucks, my name will always be wrong. He didn’t believe me. I mean, why would he? “Joan” is as American as apple pie. For the past 2 years he has watched countless Starbucks cups and hosts/hostesses butcher my name, from Joanie (where did the extra “ē” come from?) to Joanne (Jo-Anne) to Jones (they must’ve thought it was my last name) to even Jane. The grandmother of my kids would even pronounce my name “Yo-n.” Seriously?!
Well….I can seriously relate to you. My name is JOAN – and I get called JOANN all the time!!! And spell it? They can’t get that right either – its either JONE, or JON. My dad’s name was John and my parents wanted two girls, two boys. Well…they got the two girls, then a boy – and ME – So I was named JOAN somewhat after my dad. I also get called Joanie….which I hate. Where did I ever sign my name Joanie, Joany….etc.??? Yep…I relate!
I know I’m late to comment, I just stumbled across this and I sympathize with you the author and anyone else who is constantly mispronounced/misspelled. I have all the same issues, and I’m also one to listen for variations in the waiting rooms etc… and allow ppl I’ll never see again to mispronounce my name because its too exhausting correcting and explaining the reason WHY it’s spelled “wrong” or differently. I had no choice in the matter. I cringed at college graduation as my name was said in correctly in front of the masses, despite the “sounds like…” listing I submitted days before to avoid the very thing that inevitably happened anyway. ( I was so happy my college did that., I guess considering there were about 15 girls wIth the name “Unique” and 15 unique spellings for each of them. (Some just disturbing) not that I should judge…. as well as other creative names, but I could see the value in asking, “how do you want your name pronounced?” in that instance.
I’m Joan, but pronounced as 2 syllable Jo-Anne. Not Jone, so our names sound the same, spelled different. I will say, that traveling abroad or dealing with foreigners, they tend to say my name correctly- with 2 syllables. So I wonder if Joan (pronounced Jone) is an American thing?
I have a similar problem my name is Eboni but is pronounced the same way as Ebony. Apparently, if you change one letter in your name it sounds completely different. People pronounce my name a Ee – bone – e all of the time. It’s extremely annoying. But I just think they do it out of sheer stupidity.
Just at my dentist’s office recently – for at least the third time in as many years, and I could have written this post, except I really *am* a Joanne and definitely *not* a Joan. I mean every detail – the whole thing about hearing my name but not my name; etc., the whole nine yards.
My story is going to sound mean (especially if the mispronouncer herself should happen to be reading), but please bear with. I come in peace.
To start, my clipboard-bearer’s own name, so she declares, is “Joanne” (important: that’s ‘Joanne’, as in “spelled-Joanne-but-WRONGLY-pronounced-Joan”)! And, not only does she argue with me about this every time (why can’t she just say, ‘Gosh, I’m sorry, Jo-waaaanne’?!?) because, she says every time, her father told her when she was a little girl that everyone else was wrong and that it was pronounced Joan (as in ‘Joe-n’). O-kaaaay…
First year: I let it go. Second year: the teacher in me was compelled to explain to her that phonetically there is no possible way to get ‘Joe-n’ out of ‘Joanne’.
I offer the double vowels, Your Honor, and the pair of matching n’s that have to be split into separate syllables. Not to mention YEARS AND YEARS OF COMMON USE and the fact that there is a perfectly good way to spell ‘Joe-n’ using a mere *one* of each of the relevant letters!
In Year Two, which I mention to show that I do have a heart, I gently spoke to her of how sweet it was that her father gave her a one-of-a-kind nickname and he must have loved her very much, (but facts!). Now here we are, Year Three, and it continues.
[Note that during this past year, I actually *met* someone else in my town who uses the same dentist and had the same problem with the, presumably, same person. This time, I had an actual toothache (thus my visit to the dentist) and, silly me, I let myself say it: that in 62 years as a Joanne, I’ve been called Jo, Joanie, and even Joan, but only this one human being has ever ARGUED with me (multiple times!) about it!]
She even made a big show about dashing off to complain (to the doctor?) about me and came back, extremely defensive, to inform me that there was NO WAY they could make a note on my file as to how to pronounce my name – which, I might add, I had NOT asked her to do.
I hate to say it, but I’m almost wondering at this point if she maybe stumbled upon this blog post and then read it a little too quickly and thinks maybe I wrote it and that she blames me for making fun of her!
Not that it really matters, but I genuinely don’t like being called ‘Joan’. My feeling, and I realize that I’m a grown-up and I can rise above such things (but so can she!), is that it discounts one of my syllables. It took me many years of being a Joanne to really embrace the name, being as it was a relatively rare name and part of me always wanted to blend in, so I’m a little protective of it. Nevertheless, I’m well-accustomed to bring called ‘Joan’ from time to time, just not being made to feel like my entire life was based on a lie that I’m somehow too stupid to acknowledge.
Not *this* year, anyway, not in the year of post-truth.
I get your exasperation COMPLETELY! My mom’s name is Joan and I regret the day my dad decided to name me JoAnn! Not only do people mispronounce my name, they basically call out to my mother instead of me!
Also, Lord help with form-filling, It’s next to an impossible task as people bring objections that your mother and you cannot possibly have the same name… Nightmare!!
I’m guessing, since you represent that Joan/Joanne is “close enough,” that your real name is Jeanne, which you pronounce Je-anne and the rest of the world pronounces Jean? This is a much less frequently encountered creative spelling/pronunciation combo than Joan/Jo-anne, which I have encountered several times in my life versus you’re-the-first-one for you. I’m sorry for your frustration, but it really is understandable that people get it wrong from your perspective.
My own name is Amy, which is the classic correct spelling, but there are a ton of people who spell it Aimee (which has an etymological and historical pedigree), Amie (which is pretty ignorant really) and probably others. But people almost always pronounce any of these right. (My last name, don’t get me started.)
My name is Joan, and I am mistakenly called Joann a lot. It is really annoying. I can’t help but think the person mispronouncing my name is ignorant. They’ve never heard the name Joan? They don’t know that the a is silent? Joan is an old name but is not very common now a days. But it’s sad that a lot of young people never heard of it. I say did you ever hear of Joan of Arc, or Joan Crawford, Joan Rivers and sadly a lot of these people don’t know what I’m talking about. You go the bank to get a loan not a loAnn. Why can’t they figure this out. And to top it off my dentist and his receptionist are Italian American and they initially called me JoAnn instead of my correct name, Joan. They both said that Italians pronounce Joan as JoAnn. I told them that Joann is not my name, and that is not the proper pronunciation for Joan. They haven’t made that mistake again. I can’t help but feel frustrated and annoyed when some new person calls me Joann. Some dopey people have even thought my name is Jones after the last name. It’s not that difficult! Some of these people that never heard the name Joan have crazy made up names that I’ve never heard of. Still, I try to educate the person whenever my name is mispronounced.
I’m sorry…there is no way that Joanne would be pronounced “Joan”. And, conversely, people see Joan and pronounce it “Jo-Ann” probably because it is an old-fashioned name and they can’t figure it out?
The one that really burns me is I go by Joanie and I get –
hold on – Jo-Annie – as if that’s even a recognized name. WTH???
Jo-Annie – oh dear! And perhaps Joan/Joanne aren’t a perfect analogy. I wrote this back when I was anonymous, but the real names in question are Susan/Suzanne. And I DEFINITELY have people read my correctly-spelled name and still pronounce it Susan. Which seems, to me, as asinine as pronouncing Joanne as Joan. Sigh.
Thanks so much for writing back…it is just THE most frustrating thing…and I’ve stopped being polite, actually…
my favorite response is: If you slam your finger in a door, do you MOE-an or do you moan? Well, just swap out the M or a J…and you’re good to go! 😉
Ha!
I am sorry they can’t get it right my name is spelled Joan pronounced Joanne. It’s a family name and thing. Honestly I can’t tell you how many people actually call me Joanne,that don’t know me. While they get it right, I could understand your frustration if I actually went by Joan. I always ask people how do say your name and spell it. For me I want to get peoples names right. Good luck and God bless you